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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
kittykatkitty · 27/12/2019 14:07

I'm probably wrong but I would let it go.

snowball28 · 27/12/2019 14:08

I’d leave it in all honesty. She shouldn’t have been looking at your daughter whilst she was probably half clothed and vulnerable, I’m not surprised she lashed out to be honest.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/12/2019 14:08

You are massively over reacting. The child's mum was quite right.

highheelsandweathercocks · 27/12/2019 14:08

I'm with your DD and the girls mum on this. That little girl was making a point of being a fucking nightmare and invading your daughter's privacy. You should be supporting your daughter here. If probably have booted someone in the face too if they persistently harassed me like that.

multiplemum3 · 27/12/2019 14:09

I wouldn't tell her off for that. I'd also want to kick someone who kept sticking their head under the cubicle.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/12/2019 14:09

I'd let it go too. The other mum obviously has her own troubles to cope.

Basically 2 children with behavioural issues met, had an altercation and nobody died when they sorted it out their own way!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/12/2019 14:09

I can’t get past the fact that she was left waltzing around a huge shop on her own.
What were her parents thinking.

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 14:09

The child was asked to stop at least 4 times, and ignored you both. What your daughter did wasn't great, but I can see why she reacted the way she did. No one wants to be gawped at in the changing rooms.

Butchyrestingface · 27/12/2019 14:10

The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

That’s what my parents would have done. Crown Grin

If an adult male/female behaved in the same way, I - as an adult - would be tempted to respond in the same way. I say ‘tempted’ because I would not actually do it. I’d be too frightened of provoking a serious assault.

If a child behaved in the same way, as an adult, of course I wouldn’t kick them in the face.

But, if I were a still a child, and another child kept doing that to me, and had been given due warning to stop, not sure they wouldn’t have got a foot in the face. And I wasn’t under CAMHS for anything at 10. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:11

Ok looks like I am over reacting. She could have broken her nose or anything though 😞

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 27/12/2019 14:11

Your daughter told her repeatedly to stop invading her privacy. Sadly you did very little to help your daughter. What did you think would happen? I'm not sure a NT child (or adult) would act a great deal differently really.

TheReluctantCountess · 27/12/2019 14:12

I think you don’t need to worry about it. The kid was asked more than once, and was rude and disrespectful.

JeezyPeeps · 27/12/2019 14:12

OK, so what would you have had your daughter do, when this girl was paying no attention to either you or her?

It worked. The girls mother clearly thinks she deserved it, so she probably has form.

I'm not sure how you want your daughter to react in that situation, but if you have a better solution (which you clearly didn't at the time), do share it with her.

I don't condone violence, but your daughter is ten and if you didn't have a,l way to deal with it that worked, I'm not sure why you would punish her for the same issue.

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 14:13

She could have broken her nose or anything though

If we're playing hypothetical situations, could of, might have. Then the child could have had a phone, might have been taking pictures.

The situation was what it was.

SylvanianFrenemies · 27/12/2019 14:13

Obviously not ideal, but...
The little girl kept pushing the boundaries, your DD had nowhere to escape to, I imagine she has few strategies for coping in this type of unpredictable scenario. I'd cut her some slack. Might be helpful to read up on"window of toletance".

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/12/2019 14:14

From the sound of things the little girl wasn't badly hurt, sounds like it was more the shock of it. So your dd controlled the kick even though she was angry and frustrated. I think I would have done the same at your dad's age (quite possibly less controlled).

fairynick · 27/12/2019 14:14

I think your DD did the right thing! It’s good to know that if any older child or adult tried anything like that then she knows how to defend herself.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 27/12/2019 14:14

Totally normal response. The girls Mum and DD are right. She shouldn’t have been invading your child’s privacy like that, if one of mine was doing it and got kicked in the face I would react the same way her Mum did.

MoominKitty · 27/12/2019 14:14

I would have kicked the little brat as well in honesty, especially after being asked to stop and go away more than once.

Your daughter stood up for herself and protected her privacy when in a vulnerable position and certainly doesn't deserve being told off tbf.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 27/12/2019 14:15

If it was a man I would have booted him in the face the first time. What your DD did wasn’t appropriate for the child in question but she’s not an adult and her privacy was being grossly invaded so her action in her head was justified. Drop it.

kevintheorangecarrot · 27/12/2019 14:15

Hopefully she's learned her lesson. Cheeky shit!

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/12/2019 14:16

Yeah but noses heal.

YouTheCat · 27/12/2019 14:16

She sounds like my dd (who does have Aspergers). She would have reacted out of frustration and not been bothered afterwards.

As to the child's mother , what the hell was she doing allowing her annoying child to run amok in changing rooms?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 27/12/2019 14:16

You need to be on your DD's side.

You said she's got her own issues, you need to be there for her.

That other kid got exactly what she was asking for. Hopefully she won't do it again.

Your DD was changing and vulnerable. You need to be looking after her, not chasing other children around shops. Your DD comes first.

hidinginthenightgarden · 27/12/2019 14:17

I'm with your DD. The kid was out of order and got a well deserved lesson on why you shouldn't piss people off!