Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
TinyTear · 27/12/2019 14:42

Why on earth didn't you grab the kid and phisically prevented her from peering under the cubicle?
How were you protecting your own daughter?

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 27/12/2019 14:43

No way is this right.

But DD landed the kick on the 4th time of asking the girl to go. That’s not impulsive violent behaviour as such, but a really high risk way to “solve the problem” to take the viewpoint of your DD.

You have to let this go. The other girls’ mum isn’t kicking off and I wouldn’t say your DD has displayed violent worrying behaviour, just really poor judgement.

If it were my DD who’d received the kick I’d probably be feeling less charitable than I am writing on the “side” of your DD.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 14:43

Some bonkers replies on here. A ten year old should be confident in telling their parent that someone is looking under the changing room door. The parent should then deal with it. A six year old child could have been seriously injured here, and no, OP, it isn’t okay - as I think you can tell - for your DD to assault a child. You need to put consequences in place before she lashes out again.

drinkygin · 27/12/2019 14:43

Your DD was defending herself and was well within her rights to do so. You should support her not punish her!!

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 14:44

YANBU it is an extreme reaction I wouldn't expect from a 10 year old

Really? I know a lot of 10 year olds and most of them would react in a similar, way if repeated requests had been ignored. Whilst it's not an ideal reaction I wouldn't call it extreme.

midep · 27/12/2019 14:45

I might have been tempted to gently place my unshod foot on the little darling's head and give it a nudge in the appropriate direction myself, and I'm considerably older than 10.

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 14:46

A ten year old should be confident in telling their parent that someone is looking under the changing room door.

She did. Several times. It's not like the girl looked once and the OPs daughter booted her in the face.

bluesteakandcheese · 27/12/2019 14:46

@OutlawTorm I'm not surprised your daughter lashed out! She told this girl to go away numerous times and she continued; your DD would have felt very vulnerable and uncomfortable. That younger girl needs to learn some manners.

itsgettingweird · 27/12/2019 14:46

I'm with the other child's mother and wild have said exactly the same thing to any child who kept doing that and got physically removed.

Better a kick in the face at 6 for thinking personal and body autonomy is a joke than a prison sentence for sexual assault later in life.

Please tell your dd you understand why she did it and give her advice on a better way next time such as covering up and reporting to store.

But don't think she has no right to physically protect herself if needed.

Other child sounds a brat and even her mother sounds at her wits end with her.

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 27/12/2019 14:47

Both the girls in this story sound awful

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2019 14:47

Your daughter was in a vulnerable position in a changing room and repeatedly asked someone to stop looking under the door at her and yet you're more worried about the other child! Why didn't you stop the other child from looking?!!!!

Yeah it's not good to kick a child but would you be saying the same if it was a teenage boy or whatever looking at her and invading her privacy?

I think the mum's reaction to her child was spot on but I'm bloody worried that a young child could be allowed to just wander off and do that in the first place tbh.

JeezyPeeps · 27/12/2019 14:47

@churchandstate

I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door

The problem is the parent didn't deal with it effectively. Ops DD then did, in a less than ideal way, but at least it worked. And she's ten. In a cubicle.

Ellisandra · 27/12/2019 14:48

Your daughter shouldn’t have kicked her.
Though I find it hard to be too heavy on that error, given the repeated issues, the privacy, and the fact her mother was a total wet blanket.
What were you thinking? You’re not able to block a small child from getting under a door?
Not able to call out to your daughter “don’t worry, I’m sorting it out, just pop your coat on for a minute”.
Fair enough to be surprised that the child’s mother backed you up... but I can’t believe you found critical of her for it Confused

Back your daughter up in future.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 14:49

WaterSheep

She still shouldn’t have kicked a much smaller child in the face. It’s dangerous and disproportionate to the danger.

LondonJax · 27/12/2019 14:50

Well the girl obviously wasn't badly hurt or the mum wouldn't have just dismissed it.

What I can't understand is, after tapping her on the shoulder (she'd have got shouted at it if were me rather than a tap on the shoulder by the way), you then gave her the space to carry on. I'd have sat on the floor in front of the door and told her to bugger off.

WatchingTheMoon · 27/12/2019 14:51

Her mum reacted like mine would have. And honestly, I think more parents need to be like that.

Natural consequences, innit.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 14:51

The problem is the parent didn't deal with it effectively. Ops DD then did, in a less than ideal way, but at least it worked. And she's ten. In a cubicle.

She dealt with it in a dangerous and aggressive way. I don’t want dangerous, aggressive children, so I would issue a consequence and read the riot act here.

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 14:51

churchandstate

No one is saying she should have kicked the child, just that we can understand why she resorted to doing so. She tried to get the girl to stop but was repeatedly ignored. What else do you suggest she should have done?

justdoityourself · 27/12/2019 14:52

I think if someone poked their head under a cubicle door several times after being told not to, I'd have done the same.

DeathStare · 27/12/2019 14:52

You are completely over-reacting. If an adult man had looked under the changing room door and she had asked him to stop and he didn't and she'd kicked him in the face, would you still think it was inappropriate?

The reason you wouldn't think it was inappropriate is because you understand the difference between why an adult man may do that and why a child might do that. But your daughter doesn't. She felt violated by someone, she repeatedly asked them to stop, and they didn't. So physically made them stop the only way she knew how.

Obviously it would have been better if the child had stopped when first asked, and it had never come to her being kicked, but she didn't, and your daughter's self-protection instincts were perfectly reasonable. She didn't lash out immediately when she felt violated - she requested it stop, she called for help. It was only when it didn't stop that she lashed out. All in all, I think her instincts about how to handle such a difficult situation served her rather well. I'd be very wary about trying to train those out of her.

Primrosepenny · 27/12/2019 14:52

Serves the little pain in the arse right! If that had been my child, I’d have apologised to you too

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 14:52

No one is saying she should have kicked the child, just that we can understand why she resorted to doing so. She tried to get the girl to stop but was repeatedly ignored. What else do you suggest she should have done?

I hear you. I just disagree that it’s okay to let this go. I would expect my child to cover up and stop changing. Not attack a much smaller kid.

HugoSpritz · 27/12/2019 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklybaublefest · 27/12/2019 14:54

Good response from her mum tbh

maisienminnie · 27/12/2019 14:54

DD crossed a massive line in kicking someone - and in the face. You are right to get her checked out - she needs to know however provoked she is, she cant resort to violence. Could have been much worse.

Swipe left for the next trending thread