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Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
Jollitwiglet · 27/12/2019 15:06

I don't think it was the right thing to do to kick her in the face, but 10 year olds don't always get things right. I think most people would feel incredibly frustrated in that situation and a 10 year old shouldn't be left to fend for themselves in that situation

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 15:06

No, what the op needs to do is actually parent when it’s needed. She could have easily protected her vulnerable daughter but chose not to. Easily could have stood in front of the door to stop the girl peering under. She chose not to which is concerning actually.

I agree. I would have stepped in much earlier. But that doesn’t make the child’s reaction acceptable.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 15:06

Erm... having a ten year old who thinks it’s normal to risking breaking the nose of, teeth of or potentially blinding a small child?

Sorry, where did the op state this is viewed as normal by her daughter? If op actually helped her daughter this wouldn’t have happened. Hopefully the girl now knows not to look under changing room doors. I always tell my kid (if they are being rude) that they are lucky it’s me they are doing it to as I won’t lash out but maybe they should think about how someone else would respond and they won’t be so lucky.

BrokenWing · 27/12/2019 15:07

Depends on whether it was more of a you have provoked me over and over and I am going to try a nudge/tap in the face to make you stop, rather than a full force aggressive nose breaking boot in the face.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 15:07

But she doesn't think it's normal. She tried to sort the situation out by asking, then asking again and being repeatedly ignored. You make out like the daughter just kicked the child for no reason.

She clearly thinks it’s fine. She wishes she had hurt her more. Not normal.

Mydogmylife · 27/12/2019 15:07

I'm surprised that you didn't

A deal with yourself before it escalated that far
B ran off leaving your daughter on her own looking for the other child.

Kicking was not ideal, but totally understandable in the circumstances, after all you didn't deal with it on her behalf

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 27/12/2019 15:08

I would be happy if my Daughter knew that she had the absolute right to defend her privacy when in a vulnerable state.
I'm not having my child second guess herself. She didn't resort to unnecessary violence as a first action. She tried repeated verbal warnings and gave multiple chances. Her own mother was useless. I'd not only not punish her but I'd reinforce that nobody ever has the right to see her in a state of undress without her permission and she can take necessary steps to ensure that.

Canadianpancake · 27/12/2019 15:08

Well she'll think twice before sticking her head under and more cubicle doors. Actions have consequences and some children need very practical examples to learn this. Your daughter was pushed to her limits when she was in a vulnerable position and instinct took over, good on her for defending herself.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 27/12/2019 15:08

But she doesn't think it's normal. She tried to sort the situation out by asking, then asking again and being repeatedly ignored.

Presumably you'd say the same if a man kicked his partner in the face because she repeatedly annoyed him. If not, where is your line drawn?

JeezyPeeps · 27/12/2019 15:08

Kicking anyone in the face is not a normal reaction

So if someone was continually shoving their face into a cubicle that you were changing in, wouldn't stop and the person that is supposed to protect you is failing on that score. You were basically trapped in a confined space and you are out of talking options - what would you do? Then consider the person being violated in this way is ten years old.

Tell us, given how ineffectual op was, what would you have done? Just waited?

Primrosepenny · 27/12/2019 15:09

I'm not having my child second guess herself. She didn't resort to unnecessary violence as a first action. She tried repeated verbal warnings and gave multiple chances. Her own mother was useless. I'd not only not punish her but I'd reinforce that nobody ever has the right to see her in a state of undress without her permission and she can take necessary steps to ensure that
Absolutely

LittleTinselTown · 27/12/2019 15:09

Well she was asking for it really. Why didn't you move in front of the door so she couldn't get past?

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 15:10

Presumably you'd say the same if a man kicked his partner in the face because she repeatedly annoyed him.

How is that in any way comparable to the situation in the OP?

Butterer · 27/12/2019 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 27/12/2019 15:10

Your DD couldn't remove herself from this situation

No, but her mother could have stopped it quite easily.

Snowpatrolling · 27/12/2019 15:11

I’m quite savage and sorry to say I would have made that kid cry before my daughter had chance to kick her in the face.
I’d be the same as the mum if it was the other way round!

Primrosepenny · 27/12/2019 15:11

Presumably you'd say the same if a man kicked his partner in the face because she repeatedly annoyed him
If a man was looking under the door while I was undressed in a dressing room, he wouldn’t even get a verbal warning like OP’s DD gave the girl. He’d be getting a swift and unapologetic kick.

JeezyPeeps · 27/12/2019 15:11

Presumably you'd say the same if a man kicked his partner in the face because she repeatedly annoyed him

I don't think a court in the land would convict a woman charged with assault, when the assault was to protect herself from someone blatantly spying on them in a changing room.

He would be likely to be charged with sexual harassment.

Aaarrgghhh · 27/12/2019 15:12

Presumably you'd say the same if a man kicked his partner in the face because she repeatedly annoyed him.

What a bullshit analogy that doesn’t work as one.

Try this, imagine you are in the daughters position, only you’re an adult and it’s a man peering under, laughing when you ask him to stop, sticking his tongue out to wind you up etc. You ask him to leave four times, your family member is outside doing fuck all to help you, I’d kick them in the face, they might actually fuck off then.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 27/12/2019 15:12

The girl's mother was right - she won't do that again in a hurry.

Little monkey had had plenty of warning.

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 15:12

I wish I could say I was shocked at the number of people who say they think it’s fine for a ten year old to physically assault a six year old because “boundreez” or whatnot. But I’m not. It’s MN.

dontgobaconmyheart · 27/12/2019 15:12

It's not exactly ideal is it OP, you're right that what your DD was not acceptable, how hard did she kick the girl?- in her face Confused. Did she definitely intend to get her in the gave rather than just kicked out say. I'm not sure being provoked (which she was, hugely) really excuses that response.

The whole incident sounds bad all around, I would just try to move on from it and reiterate to your DD that whilst you understand, and are not 'picking sides' - she shouldn't have done what she did any more than the other girl. Not sure why posters here think that it is about taking sides, you can think your DD was wrong and tell her so whilst still being 'on her side'. She is at no advantage by you not making clear just how extreme that was and her attitude afterwards that she wished she had hurt her is equally alarming.

Shame on the other parent for their lax supervision and apathy towards their own child being injured. I don't think you should be blaming yourself for this too heavily OP but next time (if there is one) perhaps just go and get a member of staff to deal with the errant child.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 27/12/2019 15:13

How is that in any way comparable to the situation in the OP?

It is someone bigger/stringer kicking someone who won't stop annoying them. Not rocket science is it?

Did you deliberately ignore the bit where I added "if not, where is your line drawn?" At what point do you think it stops being acceptable to someone to kick a smaller person in the head because they are annoying?

LeNil · 27/12/2019 15:13

JeezyPeeps, if a six year old girl was peeping under a cubicle my reaction would certainly not be to kick her in the face, or permit my dc to behave in this way. Op could have blocked the door or sat in front of the door. I imagine there were any number of ways to protect her daughter without resorting to violence.

1forAll74 · 27/12/2019 15:14

The little girls Mum had the right idea, so don't worry about it now. Your daughter got riled about something,these things happen.