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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:
northernknickers · 27/12/2019 14:18

You are massively overreacting here...and did very little to protect your daughter! Seriously...why are you so concerned about how this (eventually...after several attempts to stop the rude child from invading YOUR child's privacy!!) panned out?? 🙄

Pinkyyy · 27/12/2019 14:19

I am with your DD and the girls mum on this. I'm glad she reacted in the way she did, although her DD sounds like quite the little shit.

HotPenguin · 27/12/2019 14:19

Did she have shoes on? Makes a big difference IMO. If it was a light tap with a socked foot I would drop it

BarbedBloom · 27/12/2019 14:20

I am an adult and if someone had repeatedly done that then I might well have reacted the same (not if they were a child obviously). I would have had no sympathy for my child if they had behaved that way and would have said the same as the mother did.

Chocolatedaim · 27/12/2019 14:20

Wow

I mean the child’s mom is right, a 6yr old needs to learn that she can’t behave like this and whilst your DDs reacted was aggressive and wrong, you have said she is under CAHMS so rather than chastising her perhaps just talk to her about taking deep breaths and not flying “off the handle”

InsertFunnyUsername · 27/12/2019 14:22

I understand what you're saying OP. Your DD being 10 and hurting a younger child BUT the fact is your DD was probably half dressed, feeling vulnerable, asked the person to stop and they didn't. So she defended herself, to me that is good and clearly the childs parent agreed.

Dont over think this and think your DD is some sort of danger to other people. Many children would have done the same.

ClemDanFango · 27/12/2019 14:22

I can’t believe you’re on the side of the rude little brat rather than your daughter.

JeffreyJefferson · 27/12/2019 14:24

The girl deserved it

Cornettoninja · 27/12/2019 14:24

Well it does sound as if your dd lost self-control but all things considered it’s hard to say whether that’s due to maturity or a deeper issue.

If I were you I’d put it down to lack of maturity. Of course it’s not acceptable to kick a younger child in the face and you’re right to not condone it but I don’t think it’s worthy of further scrutiny. I’m 39 and would have been tempted.

Try not to lose sight of the fact your dd is 10 and sometimes things will need to just be taken in context of her age instead of signs of anything else.

mbosnz · 27/12/2019 14:24

Good on the Mum of the six year old. I'd have said and done the same thing if I were her.

And I think your ten year old's reaction was fairly understandable in the circumstances, she'd tried asking reasonably and the six year old continued to invade her privacy. She educated the six year old that sometimes bad things happen to people that ignore warnings to cease and desist their annoying and intrusive behaviour.

Jeezoh · 27/12/2019 14:26

I’m guessing from your OP that you were outside the cubicle too, were you not tempted to move in front of the door to stop the child invading your daughters privacy? Yes your daughter’s response isn’t ideal but it is understandable and I wouldn’t be cross at her for reacting that way.

KatherineJaneway · 27/12/2019 14:26

That’s what my parents would have done.

Me to Xmas Grin

The kid was a little shit and hopefully learnt a lesson.

MrsPMT · 27/12/2019 14:26

At first I felt like you did, that its wrong to kick a child in the face (obviously) but your DD is only 10 and hopefully will learn more appropriate ways to deal with difficult situations. I think you should probably have done more to intervene, ie told DD lets leave and find this childs useless mother.

I think you should probably have a chat with her about how to deal with something like that if it ever happens again (not likely, but its really not OK to try to hurt someone, esp when they are smaller and younger than you IMO).

Have a think about what you think she should have done instead, put her bag in the way, opened the door to say "Mum get this brat out of the way etc..." then talk with her about what would have been a better response.

IMO, kicking someone in the head or face is reserved for situations when you feel in danger or at risk of serious harm, and that's what I tell my DS, if you feel at major risk, do what you can to protect yourself, otherwise try and deal with issues without violence.

InsertFunnyUsername · 27/12/2019 14:28

The 6 years old behaviour does sound very erm, challenging. But both her and your DD are still young. Yes plenty old enough to know not to spy on people, kick people in the face. But they still happen, dont let your DDs situation with CAHMS blow this up to something bigger than what it is. A child was being a little terror and another child lost control for a moment, these things happen.

Butterflyflower1234 · 27/12/2019 14:29

Why don't you actually support your DD instead of trying to punish her? The kids bloody deserved a kick in the face.

ScreamingLadySutch · 27/12/2019 14:30

"The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!! "

Good Mum. Sensible, understands consequences.

WaterSheep · 27/12/2019 14:30

IMO, kicking someone in the head or face is reserved for situations when you feel in danger or at risk of serious harm

But she tried to diffuse the situation without using violence, she asked multiple times and the younger child ignored and laughed at her. The daughter was in a vulnerable situation, possibly half dressed in a changing room.

TheClausSeason · 27/12/2019 14:33

YABU. I think your DD's reaction was pretty reasonable and would've backed her up if the other woman had complained.

TheWinterCaillech · 27/12/2019 14:33

Your DD had her privacy invaded 4 times and your protest was ineffectual. So DD dealt with it herself. Just like my two Aspies would if their words had been ignored.
Next time, physically move yourself between DD and the problem, blocking whatever the issue is and showing her you are in charge and dealing with it. Or she will respond in her own way.

44PumpLane · 27/12/2019 14:34

Firstly the random child shouldn't have been left wandering a large store alone, so who knows what was going on there.

The random child's mothers reaction was quite right to be honest and it is a good learning experience for the kid so from that perspective I think she was right.

I do think you shouod have a word with your daughter, I do agree that Noone wants to be peered at while changing and the kid was asked numerous times but she could have seriously hurt the random kid.
Maybe a discussion about the fact that her physical action was wrong but you understand why she lashed out and a better solution might have been to....... (I can't think of a better solution right now so I kind of get why your daughter did what she did to be fair)!

Aquilla · 27/12/2019 14:36

I would've reacted the same as the child's mum.

Sagradafamiliar · 27/12/2019 14:39

Your child was backed into a corner, she didn't have any option really other than to lash out or tolerate that little shit winding her up as she was undressed in the cubicle.
Respect to the girl's mum.

AmIthechristmasfairy · 27/12/2019 14:39

Your poor daughter.

You should be supporting her

WestBerlin · 27/12/2019 14:41

I did exactly this as a teenager when a boy kept looking under the cubicle when I was peeing. I didn’t and don’t feel bad about it.

Your daughter was in a vulnerable situation and was having her privacy invaded. I don’t blame her for being frustrated and reacting.

FullOfJellyBeans · 27/12/2019 14:42

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours.

YANBU it is an extreme reaction I wouldn't expect from a 10 year old. It's good she's getting some attention for her behaviour issues, I would suggest doing as much research as you can yourself about how to support DD or getting private help if you can afford it since the CAHMs can be hit and miss. It's likely your DD needs support in controlling anger and lacks the empathy to worry that the other girl was younger and could have been hurt.

On the upside this is an unusual situation - no idea why the other mum was letting her 6 year old run around a shop being rude and looking into the changing rooms. Yes your DD's reaction wasn't on but it's unlikely to be a situation that comes up all the time.