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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse invitation due to dress code?

247 replies

justdoityourself · 27/12/2019 12:00

Been invited to a birthday party with a specific dress code. It’s an old friend and I’d like to go, but the dress code is something that I just haven’t got. I could buy a total new outfit but I wouldn’t be comfortable in it and would never wear it again! Aibu to not go? If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/12/2019 12:01

Can't possibly say until I know what the dress code is.

Tarts and Vicars?

SVRT19674 · 27/12/2019 12:02

What's the dress code? White Ibiza?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2019 12:03

Yes what is it? Can you hire it?

Shoppingwithmother · 27/12/2019 12:05

YANBU - I’ve refused an invitation recently that said “Dress to Impress.” Impress who?? The party was at the person’s house as well, not in a posh hotel. I do not feel that me wearing anything I have or anything I could buy would impress anyone. So I didn’t bother going. I didn’t regret it either!

redexpat · 27/12/2019 12:05

Remember the MN mantra: its an invitation, not a summons.

redcarbluecar · 27/12/2019 12:05

I’d hate this too. For a good friend I’d probably suck it up and attempt to assemble something. For a less close friend I probably wouldn’t go. I’m also curious to know what your theme is!

Steamfan · 27/12/2019 12:05

have a look round charity shops. I got a fabulous beaded dress in one before Christmas- cost £7!

GrannyBags · 27/12/2019 12:05

If you say what it is then perhaps people can suggest how you could do something that’s in the spirit of the theme without spending a fortune?

OverByYer · 27/12/2019 12:06

Depends on theme and how important that person was to me

Mrsjayy · 27/12/2019 12:07

Is it fancy dress. Then avoid like the plague if it isn't.jusy wear whatever and go

FusionChefGeoff · 27/12/2019 12:07

Could you borrow something??

Cohle · 27/12/2019 12:07

It seems a shame to let the dress code put you off an event you'd otherwise like to attend.

There's lots available in the sales at the moment and usually an accessory is enough to make a nod to the theme without making too much effort.

HappyHammy · 27/12/2019 12:07

Could be fun. It can be done on the.cheap if you want to.go.

forkfun · 27/12/2019 12:08

I've borrowed stuff before from friends for one off occasions.

AutumnRose1 · 27/12/2019 12:08

I guess for me it partly depends on the cost and partly depends on sexism, if there is any!

I won't go to any more fancy dress. Just can't bear it. Plus the joy of finding a toilet where you can get changed on public transport.

I try not to go to parties tbh so not the best person to ask!

but there was a New Year thing I was invited to - a few years ago - and supposed to wear a long dress or whatever. I don't wear dresses. So just a no. Did look okay apart from that.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2019 12:15

I wouldn't go to any party with a 'dress code', even if I had the outfit already.

It just smacks of the host being controlling and up their own arse.

DickDewy · 27/12/2019 12:21

Depends. If it’s fancy dress, boycott. Life’s too short for that nonsense.

Dollymixture22 · 27/12/2019 12:21

I wouldn’t go. It’s fine for the hostess to want a dress code, but it’s an invitation so you can simply decline.

The hostess must Know this will be a pita for some guests and some will decline because of it.

Ponoka7 · 27/12/2019 12:22

My DD has bowed out of colour themed parties.

But in this case, the host might know that other guests have asked the same, so you wouldn't be the only one.

I'd ask her if that was the case.

melj1213 · 27/12/2019 12:22

It depends entirely on the dress code.

Formal black tie when you're a jeans and tshirt person who doesnt own a dress? I'd skip the party rather than spending a lot of money on an outfit that will be worn once as you would be very obviously out of place turning up in casual wear (provided of course there was no way to borrow a dress off someone)

Fancy dress with a specific theme? I'd still go as I'm sure you wont be the only one who hasn't fit the theme, or would look to borrow/adapt stuff I already had into a "costume" to show willing.

Lippy1234 · 27/12/2019 12:22

It’s up to you, if It was me I’d go and try and do the outfit on the cheap and look at places such as ebay. I’ve only been to two dress code parties, one was black and white (easy) and the other 1960’s (.£8 dress from eBay).

WheresMyChocolate · 27/12/2019 12:24

What's the code?

thedevilinablackdress · 27/12/2019 12:24

I'd go wearing whatever I liked. Maybeybe a small nod to the theme if I could. You're unlikely to be the only one.

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/12/2019 12:25

If you tell us the theme we might be able to help with cheap/easy ideas. If it’s black tie, just wear your nicest dress, you won’t be the only one.

ArranUpsideDown · 27/12/2019 12:25

If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

Then they're good friends and probably mean it. I'd be surprised if you're the only one who isn't dressing to code.