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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse invitation due to dress code?

247 replies

justdoityourself · 27/12/2019 12:00

Been invited to a birthday party with a specific dress code. It’s an old friend and I’d like to go, but the dress code is something that I just haven’t got. I could buy a total new outfit but I wouldn’t be comfortable in it and would never wear it again! Aibu to not go? If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

OP posts:
Spaceprincess · 27/12/2019 12:29

Fancy dress is my favourite...but yeh tell and we will try to help

NameChangeNugget · 27/12/2019 12:31

I’d not go.

All a bit Stasi in East Germany trying to control what your guests wear. It’s not “fun” it’s a bit wanky

PegasusReturns · 27/12/2019 12:32

Totally depends on the dress code

KnightandDay · 27/12/2019 12:33

...... they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that
I bet anything you wouldn't be the only one, and wouldn't be out of place. If you want to go, do so and enjoy yourself.

Jaxhog · 27/12/2019 12:33

What a bunch of fun sappers you are! Some of us like fancy dress, and have friends who do too. I get that some people don't, but you can usually get by with a bit of thought about the theme. It doesn't have to include a full-blown fancy outfit, few hosts expect that.

If you don't like the person enough to make a bit of an effort, then don't go. I doubt you'll be missed.

Original poster
justdoityourself · 27/12/2019 12:36

I'm not saying what the theme is because I know she's on MN. It's nothing outrageous just something along the lines of posh frocks...but I never wear that kind of thing so wouldn't get any use out of anything I buy new, plus could do without the expense.

OP posts:
Sombrerobonita · 27/12/2019 12:37

Gatsby? I mean if shes on MN she probably will know anyway so whats the point of not saying it because its easy enough to put 2 and 2...

sparklefarts · 27/12/2019 12:38

I honk if she sees it she'll figure it out anyway

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/12/2019 12:40

Oh get yourself a nice dress in the sales and go. I know its expensive but it does cost money to host as well, you're getting fed and watered aren't you?

Episcomama · 27/12/2019 12:41

Oh don't be such a misery! Borrow or rent something if you don't want hi buy - and enjoy the party.

Can't believe the number of people on here who's turn down a dress code invitation on principle
🙄

Grasspigeons · 27/12/2019 12:42

I quite enjoy fancy dress if its open to interpretation and budget. I get really stressed about formal wear as i dont own any, i cant afford any and i find a lot of it uncomfortable.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/12/2019 12:44

hire.girlmeetsdress.com/

One option

Lulualla · 27/12/2019 12:44

If you really want to go, then you must have a friend or relative you can borrow a fancy dress from. You wont feel like yourself, but at the end of the day, it's just a dress and it's one night.

If you don't want to go then of course you shouldn't. But if you do, borrow a dess and chuck it on.

Toucan123 · 27/12/2019 12:44

"something along the lines of posh frocks" doesn't sound too difficult - just get something from a charity shop if you really don't want to buy anything new, or borrow something. But it sounds like you don't really want to go to the party anyway.

DuMondeB · 27/12/2019 12:45

Could you borrow from a friend? The host might have spares if it’s her special interest!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2019 12:45

If you can't afford it don't go.

MiniEggAddiction · 27/12/2019 12:45

I would do the smallest nod to the theme. eg for fancy dress bring a small accessory that relates to it. For black tie I'd wear the nicest thing I own. If it's a colour I don't normally wear I'd buy or borrow a cheap scarf to walk in wearing.

Palavah · 27/12/2019 12:46

Mumsnet seems to be really po-faced about fancy dress. It's one thing not to enjoy it but it's hardly 'controlling' FFS

Would you want to go if there hadn't been a dress code specified? Presumably you have something that you wear when you like to look and feel a bit more dressed up? Could you not do that and drape a bit of tinsel round your neck or something?

QueenOfTheFae · 27/12/2019 12:46

yeah - outing? as no one has got any theme parties planned

DickDewy · 27/12/2019 12:47

Can't believe the number of people on here who's turn down a dress code invitation on principle

I’d happily turn down an invitation to a fancy dress party as I think there is nothing more naff. Ok maybe for the young, but once out of your 20s, they’re just tragic.

Skittlesandbeer · 27/12/2019 12:48

Good friend’s party? Let that be your motivation. Wear what you like, say to anyone who asks that you had another ‘thing’ earlier but didn’t want to miss xx’s party so came anyway.

Or ditch the whole thing, but don’t make your next MN posts about how you wish you had more friends/a new job/could meet a partner/fancy a shag. That stuff happens when you go to parties. And don’t expect your friend to put much effort into your next few attempts to catch up. If you’re fine with all that, Netflix it is.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 27/12/2019 12:48

Borrow from a friend?

And to the poster above. It is NOT like stasi Germany Confused Do a bit of reading up before making idiotic statements like this

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 27/12/2019 12:48

Borrow, hire, charity shop is what I'd do if the reasons were just expense and waste. However, if you think you'll feel resentful and uncomfortable at the party no matter what, then make your polite excuses and don't go.

Mrsjayy · 27/12/2019 12:49

I don't wear. Frocks posh or otherwise I'd go in trousers if I wanted to go

Ragwort · 27/12/2019 12:51

I wouldn’t go, I really dislike ‘dressing up’ and hate the thought of people ‘controlling’ what I wear so I would politely turn down that type of invitation.
I would of course, dress appropriately for funerals, interviews etc but when dressing up for a ‘fun’ Hmm social event is involved I just say ‘no thanks’.