To refuse invitation due to dress code?

[justdoityourself]

Been invited to a birthday party with a specific dress code. It’s an old friend and I’d like to go, but the dress code is something that I just haven’t got. I could buy a total new outfit but I wouldn’t be comfortable in it and would never wear it again! Aibu to not go? If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

Wear what you want, if you want to go.

@Elieza I am not the right shape to fling on a "little black dress and heels" sadly. This is half the reason I'm not happy with the dress code, as it favours those with slim figures and does nothing for the rest of us!

If it were fancy dress I would say YANBU, as FD is utter wank.

However, if it is just a nice dress you have to wear, surely you have one? Have you recently gained or lost lots of weight so nothing fits?

Can you not borrow one off a mate? I often lend out my two very naice evening dresses.....

Or just get one from a charity shop.

Jesus, it isn't swimwear or beach wear is it? I'm downright fat just now, so if that was the dress code, I'd have to go with a sun dress / cover up. Nobody needs to see me in my full glory right now 😬.

@AllergicToAMop

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong

I would borrow/rent/buy second hand. Even black tie means there's flexibility, dark lounge suit and silk tie for a man and a smart knee length dress for a woman is fine. Full length dresses are only really required for balls

Go anyway if you want and wear what you like.

just something along the lines of posh frocks

Just go to a charity shop and put something togeter.

However, if it is just a nice dress you have to wear, surely you have one? Have you recently gained or lost lots of weight so nothing fits?

I have literally one dress in my entire wardrobe, which is a very formal floor length evening gown for Black Tie events. I do not own a single skirt. My weight has not changed at all, I just don't like dresses or skirts. And I am completely different size to F&F so wouldn't be able to borrow either. OP may be the same.

OP. I went to a work event recently. All new bosses there etc, supposed to make an impression, blah blah.

It was 'dress to impress' - e.g evening dresses for women.

I wore jeans. I'm a grown up, no one tells me what to wear. Just go to the party in whatever you are comfortable in and if questioned say dress codes make you uncomfortable but you're delighted to be at the party. Host will be too busy to care

Can you not borrow anything from friends/ family?

I have asked a few friends, but I am a bit of an odd shape...so not sure what the chances are of getting something to fit.

I haven't voted as I've no strong feelings as to whether you go or not, so I don't know which way the AIBU/NU thing is going.
I'd guess it shows that posters think you're not BU (judging by replies).

However, I've wanted to ask someone for a while (and this doesn't seem too contentious or traumatic an issue to do so; sorry if I've gauged that wrongly), will you act on the reply?
Will you really go if the poll comes out that YABU, possibly thinking "Bloody MNers, forcing me out in my Oscar-style gown" (since it sounds to me like you don't fancy it much)?

@fuzzyduck1 My partner went to a works do where the dress code was black tie and cocktail dress. She turned up as a Pirate complete with eye patch and sword. No one battered an eyelid.

I'd bloody hope no one got an eyelid battered based on what they were wearing...

What shape are you? Fit and glare dresses look really good on most shapes. If you not comfortable with showing arms I would wear a shawl over dress which can conviently also hide stomach. You can get a lovely fit and flare dress on sale now. Tell me what I looking for (apologies If you’ve already mentioned - I have read all the thread!) and I can search something nice for you and send you links when I got a bit more time later.

Don’t be down you will look lovely and if you look good you’ll feel good. Maybe get makeup done or blow dry your hair x

Oops sorry typing quickly - I mean I HAVEN'T read the whole thread sorry

@justdoityourself I'm a funny shape too, so I always wear something to accentuate my best bits, and have great hair and nails and confidence and always try to have a good time. If it's not my thing, I say when getting there, sorry only popping in for an hour. Sometimes I'm there 3 hours later and other times literally half an hour.

I don’t think the shape issue is particular to the dress code. Sounds like you‘d feel uncomfortable whatever.

OP is a suit an option?

I think you sound precious. Just get a little creative and you don’t need to spend much.

You are not being unreasonable as people are all different. Not all of us like these situations. I sent my oh to a wedding alone three weeks ago. I was told I had no choice but to go to the meal. I didn't want to sit at a table of strangers so I didn't go. Yes most people might find that odd but that's how I am. Different if I'm sat with family and friends and feel part of it all. You don't need to put yourself through anything for anyone else really. Unless it's a serious situation. For the sake of parties etc there is no reason to make yourself feel uncomfortable. X

A being an ‘odd shape’ doesn’t really make a difference whether there’s a dress code or not.

Ask around your friends, Google for inspiration, get a sewing kit out and hit eBay or a charity shop. You should be able to pull something together. Just go. You'll have fun.

The whole idea of fancy dress is that it’s not something you usually wear.

If you can’t afford it then fair enough, if you’re just being a misery guts then decline the invite, they’d be better off alone!

If you'd like to go, go.

Try ebay for something secondhand? Or just dress up the nearest thing you've got. Or borrow something from a friend.