To refuse invitation due to dress code?

[justdoityourself]

Been invited to a birthday party with a specific dress code. It’s an old friend and I’d like to go, but the dress code is something that I just haven’t got. I could buy a total new outfit but I wouldn’t be comfortable in it and would never wear it again! Aibu to not go? If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

I've turned down invitations in the past due to dress code (usually fancy dress) & have been honest as to why. If you don't feel you can be honest, then just make up an excuse. You shouldn't have to spend money you can't afford or feel uncomfortable in any way just to go to a party.

But I appreciate you would feel odd one out make your excuses and don't go parties are meant to be fun there is no point making yourself miserable.

I recon it's Gatsby. Or ... that 50s thing ... Lindy Bop!

I voted yanbu but if it’s just posh fro is, charity shop eBay.

You sound like it’s the principal rather than you can’t afford it.

All a bit Stasi in East Germany

Seriously?

She’s more likely to figure it out from the fact that you know she’s a mumsnetter.

I would hate this. If I threw a party I would want people to come along and be comfortable and enjoy themselves. Making people dress up just seems unnecessary.

If you really wanted to go jut ear your nicest outfit. Nobody is going to be that interested.

You're not unreasonable but if you're near to a good high street/charity shops you may find something suitable or you can hire something. Most people do that.

Bloody hell @Jaxhog that's a bit harsh! I do like them as it happens which is why I haven't totally dismissed the invitation out of hand.

My last three parties were: fancy dress, black tie, black tie.

FD: Spent about a tenner on accessories (and could have got away with £1.99 for just the bowler hat) and wore white shirt/black trousers and did Clockwork Orange makeup.

BT x 2: Got a bright emerald green evening gown off ebay for £20. New with tags, just cheap! Wore it both times and got a million compliments. I also ordered a bunch of co-ordinating hair accessories and costume jewellery as extras. Wore an existing pair of shoes (dress was floor length anyway)

So 3 parties, all with themes and the only strictly necessary cost for all was

I always dress for comfort, having said that, there is usually a way you can satisfy the dress code by making small changes to your normal wearing apparel.

If it's posh frocks or along that theme, just wear a plain dress and get some pearls and evening gloves: eBay, Amazon, charity shop etc.

@BuzzShitbagBobbly we don't know what @justdoityourself s financial situation is

Just don’t go! We have turned down black tie invitations before, just couldn’t be arsed with the expense and effort.

charity shops are full of this kind of stuff. However clothes shopping is a really dull way to spend time so you can be forgiven for saying 'thanks but no thanks'.

Buzz if I invite friends round for a social occasion I wouldn’t dream of expecting them to spend anything on a special outfit, £25 could be a lot of money for many people.

And I never get the point of dressing up, are you all meant to stand around and admire each other’s outfits?

I'd at least have a trawl round the charity shops before turning it down.

I wouldn't buy a dress. I don't have any fancy clothes so I'd be like you, not wanting to go. If people impose a dress code then they should expect that not everyone will be able to adhere to it. It's ridiculous to have a dress code imo. It's not as if people would turn up in a tracksuit and is a bit controlling as said by a pp.

@justdoityourself I wasn't getting at you so much, but it does annoy when people say they can't be bothered to make even a bit of effort to humour a friend! Isn't there a way to make even a token effort towards the theme? We recently attended a 'roaring 20s' themed party. People wore everything from full flapper outfits to a smart dress and some tinsel. Use your imagination.

Buzz if I invite friends round for a social occasion I wouldn’t dream of expecting them to spend anything on a special outfit

But this isn't just having mates round, OP has clearly said it is a special party with a theme. I was merely pointing out that it is doable to do (multiple) themed special occasions on a pretty small budget (probably lower than hiring costs and possibly also charity purchases which were mentioned by pp too).

And I never get the point of dressing up, are you all meant to stand around and admire each other’s outfits?
As someone who lives in jeans and t shirts, it is sometimes nice to truss yourself up and go all fancy. Not every day mind, that would be too much! Just occasionally - I still look back at the photos with pleasure.

Unfortunately due to working full time and having other commitments, I won't have time to trawl charity shops before next week. The best I could hope for is someone lending me something or getting something cheap online (which I still won't feel comfortable in)

Have a look in the charity shops, they often have fancy looking dresses very cheap and when you're done you can just return them to the charity shop. It seems a shame to miss a fun event just because of the dress code.

Can't you get something from a charity shop then regift it back.?

Oh sorry I missed your last post. If the party is next week it's a bit short notice to cancel, assuming you already accepted the invitation?