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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse invitation due to dress code?

247 replies

justdoityourself · 27/12/2019 12:00

Been invited to a birthday party with a specific dress code. It’s an old friend and I’d like to go, but the dress code is something that I just haven’t got. I could buy a total new outfit but I wouldn’t be comfortable in it and would never wear it again! Aibu to not go? If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

OP posts:
NaviSprite · 27/12/2019 13:23

I just go to charity shops and find the closest thing I can to the theme when invited to fancy dress parties. Granted I’ve not been to one for a good while now but I’d never go crazy as I’ve never had the budget. Is it a theme you might have luck with at local charity shops?

NaviSprite · 27/12/2019 13:24

X posted - I see plenty of PP’s have already suggested the same (bloody mobile app! Smile)

Laiste · 27/12/2019 13:25

What would you wear if it was 'just' a party OP? Simple black dress? Skirt and top? Smart trousers and halter neck?

Most things can be 'themed up' with a few clever accessories.

ButtonMoonLoon · 27/12/2019 13:25

I wouldn’t go - I don’t like fancy dress!

DDIJ · 27/12/2019 13:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 27/12/2019 13:27

Could you go for the more traditionally masculine version of the theme?
eg. Posh frock ---> Tux or suit and tie/bowtie

Itsnotalwaysfair · 27/12/2019 13:29

I recently wore a black jump suit to a party where all other guests were in dirndl and lederhosen. It was ok, I just didn't care and knew I'd made the right choice as DH and I don't have several hundred euro we want to shell out on kit we will wear once.

Laiste · 27/12/2019 13:29

The popular charity shop option wouldn't work where i live. Our nearest charity shop is half an hours drive away, about the size of a toilet cubicle and is 90% paperback books, 10% kids toys. Another half and hour further and you might find a charity shop with some half decent clothes but the chances of finding something suitable in the right size is about 1,000,000 to 1.

NoNewsisGood · 27/12/2019 13:29

Ebay, charity shops or borrow.

Or

Turn up late when others are already drunk and therefore will notice far less. Also, adds to the 'didn't think I could make it and then I could at the last minute, so didn't plan for dress code, but I'm here anyway, you all look fab!' excuse.

Or

Turn up in an 'interpretation' of the dress code. E.g. if Black tie, then wear black trousers, white shirt, bow tie if don't like dresses.

Or

What the hell you like and just tell your friend. 'Sorry, you know me, it's not my thing at all, but I really wanted to come to see you, hope that's ok.' A good friend will know and understand.

AutumnRose1 · 27/12/2019 13:30

Posh frocks would be a no from me as well

Or I’d go in a suit a la Diane Keaton.

AutumnRose1 · 27/12/2019 13:30

You shouldn’t have to spend money, if you wanted to be fed and watered you could just go out yourself!

TheLightGetsIn · 27/12/2019 13:31

If the dress code is just along the lines of "nice dress" as you mentioned then do you really not have anything at all in your wardrobe you can wear? What would you normally wear on a night out or to a party without a specific dress code? I wouldn't get too hung up on it. Just wear any old nice party-appropriate outfit, with a nod to the theme if you can manage it, and go along. People make hugely varying degrees of effort when it comes to dress codes and you won't stick out if you're wearing something nice, even if it's not precisely on-theme.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 13:31

It's really hard to say, not knowing you or what the dress code is, but if this ever happens to me I quite enjoy finding a way to make it work for me. But I love clothes and wouldn't mind if I stood out. I'd probably quite like it tbh.

It also depends how much notice you've had. If it's next week and you've had a while to plan it, I think it is a but U to only decide now that you cba.

Posh Frocks is not my cup of tea either btw, but I'd wear my version.

exLtEveDallas · 27/12/2019 13:32

I didn’t go to a friends 40th because after I had accepted, she posted that it was a ‘peaky blinders’ fancy dress theme.

I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon, so just didn’t attend (And later when I saw the pics I was very glad).

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 27/12/2019 13:35

Oxfam online, search by size, brand and clothing type?

user1463178569 · 27/12/2019 13:36

I wasn't aware until recently but some charity shops have ebay accounts, so could potentially find something that way without trawling around :)

Divebar · 27/12/2019 13:39

This is your friend though right? Your actual friend who you like? Unless it’s extraordinarily specific I expect you could borrow something from a friend. I have numerous posh frocks I’ve acquired over the years I’ve leant out. I don’t think Occasions for wearing posh frocks comes along that often and I would try and embrace it. ( I could do Hollywood glamour or 30’s or whatever the theme is and do it cheaply no problem ). Of course you could decline and do something riveting instead.

gamerchick · 27/12/2019 13:39

I don't see the big deal. Just wear what you want. Shove a feather in your hair or something.

I guarantee there will be other people who won't be dressed up the way has been suggested. It's just supposed to be a bit of fun.

NewName73 · 27/12/2019 13:44

You just don't want to go do you OP?

If you did, you're be prepared to make a small effort to find something suitable to wear.

AliMonkey · 27/12/2019 13:45

I know not quite the same, but I've refused invitations due to it being fancy dress as I hate fancy dress (and certainly wouldn't spend money on a new outfit), unless it's more a "accessorise your outfit to make it a bit fancy dress". If you have something that would just about but not quite fit the bill and like the friend and would enjoy the party, then wear the not quite outfit. If you couldn't get anywhere close then I'd decline the invite.

ConstanceL · 27/12/2019 13:45

Just wear a black smock/tunic/whatever shape you like and accessorise it to make it a bit 'posher'. I can't believe there is no style you feel comfortable in..

AutumnRose1 · 27/12/2019 13:46

gamer I haven’t found that with themed parties.
Last one I went to, I had to change in the loo, it was either that or do public transport in fancy dress, and I thought I did quite well with my home made outfit but others had hired stuff, spent a lot etc and I felt an idiot.

BiteyShark · 27/12/2019 13:49

I don't understand the themed parties in the spirit of 'it will be fun'.

It is fun for the person who wants the theme but most people I know find it off putting, stressful or feel that they have to spend money. I just decline any invite that has a dress theme.

TheClausSeason · 27/12/2019 13:50

What are you looking for, OP? Permission not to go? Granted. If you don't want to go then don't. If you do then let us know the theme and we can probably help you come up with a workaround.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/12/2019 13:52

Is your friend a similar size to you? Could she lend you a dress?