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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether these ‘man habits’ are really considered acceptable?!

190 replies

Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 10:25

At least a couple of times a week, DH will manage to miss the toilet and spray urine on the tiled bathroom floor or all over the toilet rim. He seems to be oblivious that it’s happened and I’ll then be left to step in a puddle of his urine when I go to use the toilet myself, or notice it all dried up and stained on the floor. At times I’m not sure he’s aimed at the toilet at all! We’ve had numerous conversations about this as I find it absolutely revolting. I’m normally the one who has to clean it up too as his own attempts to clean it up aren’t thorough enough (splashes of urine still left around as he can’t ‘see’ it!). It often seems to happen when he’s woken up in the night to use the toilet and is still half asleep, though there has been incidents in the day too.

This coupled with DH leaving his clothes crumpled up around the room or shoving his clothing in drawers without folding/hanging, crumbs and oil splattered all over the kitchen after he’s been cooking and loudly passing wind all over the house and I’m feeling totally repulsed.

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it! AIBU in thinking that these disgusting habits are NOT normal or acceptable and surely can’t be the norm for most men?! Hmm

OP posts:
koshkat · 26/12/2019 10:29

You are living with a slob. That is all.

koshkat · 26/12/2019 10:30

Oh and he CAN 'see' his own piss stains btw - he just knows that you will come along and clean up after him.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 26/12/2019 10:33

Ugh! Yes, the bare foot in the puddle of piss first thing in the morning is the worst. Well, second worst: worst was bare foot in a pool of cat sick first thing in the morning. DP is ace in every other way but a completely useless pisser.

DickDewy · 26/12/2019 10:33

That is not normal. He sounds like a repulsive slob. I couldn't live with him.

NoBlueXmasLightsAllowed · 26/12/2019 10:34

It's not man habits, it's your gross fella. My husband doesn't do any of these things and if he did I'd be soaking his socks in his toilet floor piss puddles.

megletthesecond · 26/12/2019 10:34

Not normal.
My DS has never done either. But he has never had another man in the house so he has no bad examples to follow.

tanstaafl · 26/12/2019 10:37

Ask him , if it doesn’t dent his masculinity too much, to pee sitting down on the toilet.

Never seen a toilet floor with pee splashes after a woman has been.

Plus the sitting down position helps to empty his bladder better.

But perhaps he likes the current situation that your role in the relationship is to clean up his pee.

FadedRed · 26/12/2019 10:37

You are married to a slob who doesn’t respect you. Sorry, my DH doesn’t do what you describe and thinks it’s gross behaviour.

stripeypillowcase · 26/12/2019 10:38

yanbu wrt leaving piss around the toilet.

crumpled clean clothes - meh

Merename · 26/12/2019 10:40

Not inevitable, when things like this happen in our house I speak to him about things I find unacceptable, and he makes adjustments. Likewise so do I as there are plenty things I do that piss him off. I think the ‘men don’t see it’ idea is ridiculous and sexist.

ferrier · 26/12/2019 10:41

Use some of the clean laundry that he hasn't put away to clean up the mess.
And make sure you don't do his laundry. Get separate laundry baskets and only do yours. For your own sanity, lob all his stuff in his.

BuffaloCauliflower · 26/12/2019 10:42

I don’t think I can think of a time my DH has ever missed the toilet bowl in 7 years. He also does pretty much all our clothes washing/folding/putting away for both of us. Your husband is gross.

PhilCornwall1 · 26/12/2019 10:45

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it!

Trust me, this is not normal!! I don't pee all over the toilet and floor, no matter what time of the day or night it is. I make sure whatever I have been doing, I leave anywhere I have been clean and tidy.

It's simple to do and is how people should live. I think you need to just tell him he's a slob and you're pissed off with him.

Ponoka7 · 26/12/2019 10:46

You're surrounded by women who have set the bar really low for male behaviour.

It often makes me wonder how men, aren't really insulted by this.

If they're so incompetent why the hell do we allow them to do important jobs?

MrsDirtyBear · 26/12/2019 10:47

No man i have ever lived with has behaved like this. It's disgusting and i would suggest he either changes or you LTB

orangejuicer · 26/12/2019 10:52

Nah it's not normal!

Soubriquet · 26/12/2019 10:54

Nope. Not normal

My dh sometimes misses the toilet. He will bitch about missing but will always clean it up

MeetmeinParis · 26/12/2019 10:57

My DH has literally never done that, I don't understand your friends reactions. Its disgusting.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/12/2019 10:57

Crumpled clothing in drawers fine, affects only him. Crumbs and oil splashed in kitchen, would annoy me slightly because I’m intrinsically tidy but have come to acknowledge and accept that differing standards of cleanliness are part and parcel of living with other people and neither of you is more right. (Plus I know plenty of women who aren’t very tidy, not “man habits”.)

Piss everywhere and open flatulence is just disgusting and disrespectful and would be an absolute dealbreaker for. They’re not “man habits” unless you live with a disrespectful slob. How can you bear to have sex with him?

GurlwiththeCurl · 26/12/2019 11:01

I live with three men - DH and two adult DSs - they do not behave like this at all and would be mortified if this ever happened. Please do not accept this behaviour as normal for men.

PettyContractor · 26/12/2019 11:03

Ask him , if it doesn’t dent his masculinity too much, to pee sitting down on the toilet

In some TV drama, a CIA agent determined whether a man was really German, as he claimed, by observing the he peed sitting down. He claimed German men are raised to pee sitting down, in the interests of cleanliness.

It's perfectly possible for any man without disabilities to leave the toilet and floor clean, they just need sufficient motivation.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2019 11:04

It's disgusting and not just a thing you have to accept men do. My husband would never do this. Ugh

ChasingRainbows19 · 26/12/2019 11:07

Even drunk my partner has never peed on the floor, if he has I'm unaware cos he has wiped it up. He is far too clean and tidy to do it though!

Original poster
Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 11:10

@ComtesseDeSpair I can’t! No sexual attraction at all at the moment.

OP posts:
Minky35 · 26/12/2019 11:11

These are not man habits they are lazy slob excuses. I live with x2 teen DS’ and a husband and they manage to piss into the loo. The excuse about poor cleaning up cos he can’t see it is complete bollocks- just laziness.