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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether these ‘man habits’ are really considered acceptable?!

190 replies

Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 10:25

At least a couple of times a week, DH will manage to miss the toilet and spray urine on the tiled bathroom floor or all over the toilet rim. He seems to be oblivious that it’s happened and I’ll then be left to step in a puddle of his urine when I go to use the toilet myself, or notice it all dried up and stained on the floor. At times I’m not sure he’s aimed at the toilet at all! We’ve had numerous conversations about this as I find it absolutely revolting. I’m normally the one who has to clean it up too as his own attempts to clean it up aren’t thorough enough (splashes of urine still left around as he can’t ‘see’ it!). It often seems to happen when he’s woken up in the night to use the toilet and is still half asleep, though there has been incidents in the day too.

This coupled with DH leaving his clothes crumpled up around the room or shoving his clothing in drawers without folding/hanging, crumbs and oil splattered all over the kitchen after he’s been cooking and loudly passing wind all over the house and I’m feeling totally repulsed.

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it! AIBU in thinking that these disgusting habits are NOT normal or acceptable and surely can’t be the norm for most men?! Hmm

OP posts:
billycat321 · 26/12/2019 11:54

put newspaper down

MyPatronusIsABadger · 26/12/2019 11:54

That’s disgusting
Does he do this at work? Leave piss on the floor for colleagues to wipe up?

HarrietThePi · 26/12/2019 11:54

Actually this (puddle of pee) has never happened to me even when living with two teenage brothers and later living with multiple male housemates in a house share.

museumum · 26/12/2019 11:56

The piss is revolting indeed.
However I don’t find anything “disgusting“ about unfolded clothes. Dh just stuffs his sports stuff in drawers and his pants. To be fair I don’t fold pants either but mine aren’t really big enough to fold.

00Sassy · 26/12/2019 11:56

My ds does this.... but he is THREE!

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 26/12/2019 12:09

My ex doesn't do this, and neither does my DS (15). It's gross behaviour and I'd be calling DS back if I ever found a mess.

Your DH, and friends DH's are gross. They know they are making a mess and leave you and your friends to clean up by claiming they can't see it. They can, and I bet they don't make a mess at work.

eurochick · 26/12/2019 12:10

Yuk. Not normal at all. Crumbs in the kitchen is not that big a deal and the crumpled clothes only affects him but the piss is disgusting.

Ledkr · 26/12/2019 12:11

Not normal at all no.
I have 3 sons who also dont do this.
Has he had his prostate checked op because a poor flow can be a sign of an issue.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 26/12/2019 12:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SparklyChristmasCandle · 26/12/2019 12:16

My dh doesn't do any of these things, and I'd rather live alone than with someone who did.

Anyone can be a bit messy, but urinating on the floor is way beyond normal or acceptable. Certainly

My 11 year old doesn't do it either.

My 4 year old can sometimes make a mess, we are teaching him to be careful.

MsAwesomeDragon · 26/12/2019 12:20

My dh doesn't leave puddles of piss anywhere. Some (maybe just one?) Of the men at work leaves a puddle of piss daily in our shared work toilet (it's a single toilet shared between 10 women and 5 men, all teachers)

Yetanotherwinter · 26/12/2019 12:23

You think this is bad, I kept finding yellow dried pools of liquid in the walk in shower. I said to husband “please can you speak to the boys and tell them to stop weeing in the shower, it’s disgusting “. Cue very embarrassed head hanging by husband. The dirty bastard. There I was blaming the kids. Needless to say it hasn’t happened since.

MsAwesomeDragon · 26/12/2019 12:24

I forgot to say, yes it is completely gross. I hate it, it's so difficult to go to the loo without trailing the bottom of my trousers in someone else's piss!!

My dad and brother visited the other day, and one of them left piss on my bathroom floor around the toilet. I don't remember it happening as I was growing up, so I was really shocked, but I didn't find it til they'd left so I couldn't make them clean it up. TBF, my dad hasn't been well recently so it's entirely possible that he's having difficulty aiming, and I don't want to embarrass him anyway. I also didn't want to clean up piss though!!!!

blubelle7 · 26/12/2019 12:29

I f my DH was like that, I would move out and leave him to it. Either he will have to clean in the end on his own so is capable and should be capable of being cleaner and contributing more or he would continue to live in a pig sty in which case I would be well rid and not tired or resentful of cleaning up after everyone

Grasspigeons · 26/12/2019 12:30

My dh is a slob. My father wasnt. I find it very difficult but despite believing if i just didnt clear up after himself he would learn to do it, his resillience is greater than mine. After 12 years i gave up and started to clean up after him as i hated how dirty things were when i was waiting for him to break and become normal. I resent it but he has other good qualities.

EKGEMS · 26/12/2019 12:31

Holy shit you need a new set of friends and a new husband vs the filthy creature you currently live with

Shodan · 26/12/2019 12:34

XH started sitting down to pee after I complained shouted about pee on the floor. He said he liked it as it meant he got to have a little sit down rest too!

But the farting- oh my god. I told him endlessly that it was gross and disrespectful ( it wasn't your normal occasional fart, which is fine and normal, but full evenings of stink after stink) and he ignored me. I told him it made me less sexually attracted to him- and he ignored that too.

He's now XH and the disrespect with toilet/farting habits was a part of making it so.

Neither of my sons pee on the floor and wouldn't get away with not clearing it up if they did, so no, it's not 'normal' male behaviour.

mencken · 26/12/2019 12:36

we all make a mess - but adults clean up. You and your mates clearly have quite low standard in sex partners. If said sex partners won't change their ways after being asked to do so, as it is really skanky to leave a mess - then the choice is yours.

56Marshmallow · 26/12/2019 12:38

My DP is bone idle when it comes to doing his share of the chores but he has never pissed all over the floor or leaves per stains around the toilet itself. Neither has my 9 year old son.

Whatisthisfuckery · 26/12/2019 12:38

No, pissing on the floor is vile. DS has done it a few times and I’ve made him clean it up. I don’t remember my dad ever pissing on the floor and my horrible XH didn’t either. It’s just nasty slobbish behaviour.

Crumpled clothes is a meh for me. If you don’t fold your clothes then you’re the one who has to wear creased clothes, your problem.

Leaving a mess in the kitchen is just disrespectful. He only does it because he knows you’ll clear it up. Again, if DS does it I make him clear it up. I’m not raising a son to be another woman’s burden when he’s older.

OP if your friends all think it’s fine then they have low standards. You clearly have higher standards.

lifeisgoodagain · 26/12/2019 12:39

It's him not men, decent men either don't miss or clean up. I also train to put down the loo seat!

katseyes7 · 26/12/2019 12:41

When we moved into a new house, the bathroom was tiled to a height of about four feet. lncluding the wall at the side of the toilet. Light coloured tiles.
l was cleaning the bathroom not long after we moved in, and the tiles were dappled with what appeared to be virtually luminous orange 'stuff'.
When l challenged him about improving his aim, he said "it's not me!"
There were two of us in the house. l pee sitting down.
l've often wondered about who he thought sprayed the tiles in the bathroom of his house after we split up....

bluebluezoo · 26/12/2019 12:44

Never seen a toilet floor with pee splashes after a woman has been

Seen plenty of pee splashes on the toilet seat in public toilets though, from the “hoverers”. Presumably same logic- they don’t give a fuck about the next person having to sit in their pee, and someone else will clear it up.

It’s basic not giving a fuck. It doesn’t bother him, so it’s your issue, not his.

Dh is a fairly big slob, and likes to fart loudly (and hilariously Hmm ), but I have never had to clean up pee or pick up his clothes. I don’t care how he puts his clothes away, but his wardrobe is fairly neat on the occasion I have hung something straight up.

If he doesn’t care about pee stains or standing in pee, or his clothes being shoved in the cupboard, there’s not much you can do to make him care.

But it’s him, as an individual, not men as a sex.

ginghamtablecloths · 26/12/2019 12:44

My dear late husband didn't do this. He would have called the man a slob and a disgrace (he wasn't prissy by any means) and 'letting the side down' by not being very grown up.

Proper grown ups clear up their own piss, etc.

Don't make excuses for them.

Picklypickles · 26/12/2019 12:50

My son is almost 6 and I don't think he's ever peed on the toilet seat, he did manage to pee on me and the floor the other day when I walked into the bathroom and distracted him but this is a first! My partner has ADHD and is very forgetful so sometimes leaves piles of dirty clothes on the floor after a shower etc and leaves bits of beard in the sink but in 12 years together he's never pissed anywhere but in the toilet.

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