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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether these ‘man habits’ are really considered acceptable?!

190 replies

Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 10:25

At least a couple of times a week, DH will manage to miss the toilet and spray urine on the tiled bathroom floor or all over the toilet rim. He seems to be oblivious that it’s happened and I’ll then be left to step in a puddle of his urine when I go to use the toilet myself, or notice it all dried up and stained on the floor. At times I’m not sure he’s aimed at the toilet at all! We’ve had numerous conversations about this as I find it absolutely revolting. I’m normally the one who has to clean it up too as his own attempts to clean it up aren’t thorough enough (splashes of urine still left around as he can’t ‘see’ it!). It often seems to happen when he’s woken up in the night to use the toilet and is still half asleep, though there has been incidents in the day too.

This coupled with DH leaving his clothes crumpled up around the room or shoving his clothing in drawers without folding/hanging, crumbs and oil splattered all over the kitchen after he’s been cooking and loudly passing wind all over the house and I’m feeling totally repulsed.

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it! AIBU in thinking that these disgusting habits are NOT normal or acceptable and surely can’t be the norm for most men?! Hmm

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2019 12:51

DH and I are happy to be a bit messy/slobby but I've never had wee on the bathroom floor - yuck!

Heismyopendoor · 26/12/2019 12:51

Peeing everywhere - yuck! What is he, 6? My DH would never do that, fair enough if you have an accident or a splash, but clean it up properly. My little boys can clean it up. Get him told! Every time it’s there I would ask him to come and clean it. Tell him how disgusting it is.

Regarding the clothes, well they aren’t yours so don’t care about them. Don’t pick them up off the floor, if you need them out your way then shove them in his drawers or just make a pile of them. I certainly wouldn’t be washing them or sorting them.

I would bring up the cleaning of the kitchen too. In our house I generally cook dinner and DH washes up and wipes done the worktops. If i am cooking mine and the kids lunches, whilst he is at work, then obviously I clean up after myself. It’s not rocket science, again he seems like a little kid!

No wonder you aren’t attracted to him!

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2019 12:52

Come to think of it even 6 year old DS hasn't left a mess on the floor since he was about 4!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 26/12/2019 12:52

NOT normal in this house! DH wouldn’t dream of making a mess or not clearing up if he did make one. He is actually tidier than me!

roisinagusniamh · 26/12/2019 12:56

Does he have learning difficulties?
That is not 'normal' adult behaviour.

nevergotthehangofturkeys · 26/12/2019 12:57

The notice above should be altered to 'If you miss when you piss, don't be a boor, please clean the floor.'

Rojelio · 26/12/2019 12:57

No not considered acceptable, my DH says your Dh is just plain lazy

candative · 26/12/2019 12:58

My husband gives our 8 year old grief for missing the seat. Definitely not normal for a lot of men. However my dad who is a decorator used to advise women why their radiators (near a toilet) would rust so quickly....

RJnomore1 · 26/12/2019 13:09

20 years of marriage and I think dh once hit the floor when drunk. He also cleaned it up himself when pointed out to him.

Clothes meh how he puts them away is ho to him as long as he does. He’s wearing them. Having said that he does most of the laundry so if he does put them away crumpled it’s not like I’ve spent time on it. He likes to be well presented though so probably takes more care than I do.

He does leave splatters in the kitchen but again he does most of the cooking so I do most of the tidying up the kitchen so that’s not an issue between us - division of labour.

Belching? Every meal? Is he 12??

So In short no completely abnormal, you’re married to a man who has no respect for you and your friends all need to up their standards as well.

phoenixrosehere · 26/12/2019 13:12

My husband doesn’t do this and he has IBS. However his dad does, and I dread him staying over because not only does he do everything you mentioned, but he doesn’t flush! I have an aversion to bathrooms and to walk into my own bathroom (kids and I share it) and being hit with the smell of urine and finding all the above puts me in a foul mood especially with our autistic 4 yo who rushes in and wouldn’t know any difference and two year old usually following after him. We’re visiting and staying in a hotel so I’ve not had to be anxious going to the loo.

My husband does do the pile thing with his clothes, yet complains if there is mess 🙄.

HuggedTheRedwoods · 26/12/2019 13:24

The pee stuff is more than revolting. You say you've discussed numerous times and yet its still ongoing - that would completely repulse me and be a dealbreaker I'm afraid. Couldn't be attracted to a man who's pee I was mopping up or having to be wary stepping in. Envy - not envy.

Your friends must have pretty rubbish lives too, to accept it as normal behaviour from men.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/12/2019 13:27

Uuurgh, what a revolting slob. He has no respect for you.

Butterfly84 · 26/12/2019 13:29

I also confirm that this kind of behaviour is not normal.

He does not respect the house and does not respect you. He is a slob.

I could not live or be with someone like this. Dirty and disrepectful.

Fatted · 26/12/2019 13:30

Not normal at all. My DH has never done this.

My 4YO and 6YO DS have accidents on occasion. But even they can clean up after themselves and actually have the sense to tell me as well so I can help them.

ButtercupGirI · 26/12/2019 13:31

I had toilet in mind when I saw the title!

We kind of have a M and F toilets in the house and the M (dh and ds) has to clean their M toilet at least once a week - I no longer want to responsible for it.

FlamingoAndJohn · 26/12/2019 13:39

Nope. DH sits down. This stems from us living in a house for years where there simply wasn’t the head clearance for him to stand.

ReadyPayerTwo · 26/12/2019 13:49

Some people are slobs and some aren't.

My DH had a few eye-popping habits when we first moved in together, but I was very clear that they couldn't continue.

PleaseSirMyGoat · 26/12/2019 14:05

I would say it's all pretty normal apart from the piss, which is disgusting.

I'm quite slobby myself though so the rest wouldn't bother me

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2019 14:06

Piss all over the floor next time you go and leave it for him to stand in, make sure its a really big puddle. Tell him you can't "see " it when he complains.
The worst toilet I ever saw was a male friend of mine who had a male lodger. They lived in a beautiful old grade 2 listed home he had restored, most of it was clean and tidy. I refused to go to the toilet there, it stank of piss and there was literally a pool of urine constantly on the floor. The kitchen was in a similar disgusting state.
i guess they think kitchen and toilet are women work and as neither have a girlfriend they just lived with it.

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2019 14:09

Not just husbands either. I once worked with a doctor who after taking out a man's catheter slung it over a radiator and his gloves on the floor for me to deal with.

Wearywithteens · 26/12/2019 14:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

veeboo · 26/12/2019 14:11

My DP does not piss on the floor or the rim of the toilet and leave it there for me to clean up.

Arnoldthecat · 26/12/2019 14:13

It isnt normal for me. I sit down to pee at home (saves spraying and more comfortable). I know how to cook and clean the kitchen, i also know where the laundry basket is,how to work the washer,the drier and the washing line in summer. After all that i know how to iron my own clothes.

BlankTimes · 26/12/2019 14:39

Google for a pet urine detector UV torch.

Buy one and keep it by your loo.

Tell him to check the floor every time he pees the dirty slob.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 26/12/2019 14:42

Never seen a toilet floor with pee splashes after a woman has been.

Ever worked in a pub or night club?

The horror....... The horror