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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether these ‘man habits’ are really considered acceptable?!

190 replies

Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 10:25

At least a couple of times a week, DH will manage to miss the toilet and spray urine on the tiled bathroom floor or all over the toilet rim. He seems to be oblivious that it’s happened and I’ll then be left to step in a puddle of his urine when I go to use the toilet myself, or notice it all dried up and stained on the floor. At times I’m not sure he’s aimed at the toilet at all! We’ve had numerous conversations about this as I find it absolutely revolting. I’m normally the one who has to clean it up too as his own attempts to clean it up aren’t thorough enough (splashes of urine still left around as he can’t ‘see’ it!). It often seems to happen when he’s woken up in the night to use the toilet and is still half asleep, though there has been incidents in the day too.

This coupled with DH leaving his clothes crumpled up around the room or shoving his clothing in drawers without folding/hanging, crumbs and oil splattered all over the kitchen after he’s been cooking and loudly passing wind all over the house and I’m feeling totally repulsed.

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it! AIBU in thinking that these disgusting habits are NOT normal or acceptable and surely can’t be the norm for most men?! Hmm

OP posts:
Thescrewinthetuna · 26/12/2019 11:13

My DH doesn’t do any of these. He’s not even exceptionally clean and tidy generally either. He’s just not a lazy pig like your DH or your friends DHs must be, so it’s not just a bloke thing you have to put up with. My dad never did stuff like this either.

AnyFucker · 26/12/2019 11:16

That is not temotely "normal"

Blatant disrespect is not acceptable at all.

Ohyesiam · 26/12/2019 11:16

Definitely not acceptable. My dh kneels on one one to pee! When I first saw him do it, it looked like he was proposing to the looXmas Grinhe is tall with v long legs.

MsMellivora · 26/12/2019 11:16

I have a DH and a teen DS, this has happened maybe five times in 22 years when DS was drunk one time for sure. I wouldn’t clean it up though.

BarbedBloom · 26/12/2019 11:17

Not normal here and not normal even with my awful exes. DH does more cleaning than I do

Cryingoverspilttea · 26/12/2019 11:17

Absolutely not normal. You're married to someone grim

CosmoK · 26/12/2019 11:18

Not normal. Just lazy and disrespectful

Okbutno · 26/12/2019 11:19

Eeeww
Not acceptable. As you say really repulsive and a total mood killer!

Sarcelle · 26/12/2019 11:21

Not normal except perhaps for a toddler

adaline · 26/12/2019 11:24

Nah, that's just your husband.

I doubt he leaves puddles of piss around the toilets at work. He knows at home you'll come along afterwards and clean up, so he continually gets away with it!

ineedaholidaynow · 26/12/2019 11:26

Ohyesiam DH uses that method too. He has long legs.

Hirsutefirs · 26/12/2019 11:29

The idea above, to put his clean socks in the piss, is impressive- thanks!

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2019 11:30

If you were your own dil telling you that your son was behaving like this, how would you feel?

AlwaysCheddar · 26/12/2019 11:31

The toilet issue is not normal at all and repulsive. He’s literally almost shifting in you... that’s what he thinks about you... a skivvy. sorry.

OhMsBeliever · 26/12/2019 11:33

I have 5 boys and envisioned my life would be like this. But it hasn't been. They are all very good at using the toilet properly. And on the rare occasions they don't they are called to clear up the mess, I'm not doing it for them.

If they cook they have to clean up after themselves (unless it's family dinner, then there's a rota for washing up)

Clothes are everywhere in my house anyway, I'm crap with washing.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 26/12/2019 11:36

Not normal, just shows a total lack of respect for you. I pity your friends if they think most men are like this - they aren't.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/12/2019 11:40

Ask him , if it doesn’t dent his masculinity too much, to pee sitting down on the toilet.

Never seen a toilet floor with pee splashes after a woman has been.

Plus the sitting down position helps to empty his bladder better.

But perhaps he likes the current situation that your role in the relationship is to clean up his pee.

I don't think it's a man vs woman thing. I think some women have the idea that men deliberately wee standing up in an attempt to assert their dominance and show women who's boss when it isn't that at all - just what they find the most natural way. Male urological biology is different from female and, apparently, it isn't very easy for a man to properly empty his bladder whilst sitting. Where weeing is concerned, toilets are best purposed when the liquid goes somewhere central and lower in the pan. If it goes towards the front, when eliminated via a penis with the user sitting down, splashback of various kinds is also a real possibility, which can still lead to making a mess. There's also the risk of, erm, forward propulsion, if it's a man's first one of the morning straight after waking.

Women's toilets aren't immune from sprayed wee either - especially when you get the hoverers.

Man or woman, it's basically about respect: being careful and considerate whilst using the toilet in the most convenient way for you and then properly cleaning up after yourself if you make a mess.

Bluebutterfly90 · 26/12/2019 11:42

Ew. No, not normal.
If he can't aim, he can bloody well sit.
I feel very sad that other people have told you it's normal to have to clean up the piss of another grown adult. If this is normal for your friends, they should want more for themselves.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 26/12/2019 11:45

Tell him to sit the fuck down and piss, dirty entitled fucker.

Are you happy knowing that he sees you as chief piss-wiper-uper?

billycat321 · 26/12/2019 11:46

Put newspaper down around the loo as I do in the rest of the house for my incontinent dog. Late DH used to belch loudly after every meal. I hated it. He didn't do it when we ate out

Original poster
Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 11:49

I’m glad I asked. This has been bothering me for a long time and everyone I have spoken to in RL has always played it down as not a big deal, including DH. It’s been going on for so long that any sexual desire I once had for him has gone and I’m not sure it’ll be coming back at this rate Sad

OP posts:
goose1964 · 26/12/2019 11:49

My gran had a sign that said. If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweet and clean the seat. You need one of these with seat crossed out and replaced by floor. I live with 2 adult men and neither of them led on the floor. An alternative would be the toilet training tricky of putting a table tennis ball in the loo so he can aim at it.

GrannyBags · 26/12/2019 11:50

Not acceptable for anyone to pee on the floor. We moved into a house with a carpeted bathroom. A friend said I’d need to change that, having a husband and a (then) baby son. We moved out 8 years later and the carpet was still wee free. But I have been to people’s houses and seen the evidence. 🤮

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 26/12/2019 11:51

Eugh.. I live with two teenage boys who very occasionally mis-aim, but all it takes is me shouting them back. (Now if only I can improve my cat’s aim...)

HarrietThePi · 26/12/2019 11:53

Yanbu. My DP and I are both guilty of leaving clothes lying around sometimes but I have never walked in the bathroom to find a puddle of urine and if I did I would be sending him in to clean it up!