Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether these ‘man habits’ are really considered acceptable?!

190 replies

Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 10:25

At least a couple of times a week, DH will manage to miss the toilet and spray urine on the tiled bathroom floor or all over the toilet rim. He seems to be oblivious that it’s happened and I’ll then be left to step in a puddle of his urine when I go to use the toilet myself, or notice it all dried up and stained on the floor. At times I’m not sure he’s aimed at the toilet at all! We’ve had numerous conversations about this as I find it absolutely revolting. I’m normally the one who has to clean it up too as his own attempts to clean it up aren’t thorough enough (splashes of urine still left around as he can’t ‘see’ it!). It often seems to happen when he’s woken up in the night to use the toilet and is still half asleep, though there has been incidents in the day too.

This coupled with DH leaving his clothes crumpled up around the room or shoving his clothing in drawers without folding/hanging, crumbs and oil splattered all over the kitchen after he’s been cooking and loudly passing wind all over the house and I’m feeling totally repulsed.

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it! AIBU in thinking that these disgusting habits are NOT normal or acceptable and surely can’t be the norm for most men?! Hmm

OP posts:
ginyogarepeat · 27/12/2019 12:47

Lived with DH for 20 years and this hasn't happened once. Nor with 7 year old DS. I couldn't be with any person who treated me and his home with so little respect, it's disgusting.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/12/2019 12:50

I can't get my head around sitting down to have a slash, unless there is a medical need to.

I can’t get my head around pissing standing up unless in a public toilet or needing to assert your masculinity.

You do realise that not everything that men do is part of a deliberate campaign to annoy or belittle women, don't you?

There have been reverse urinals invented to enable women to sort of stand/squat to wee without having to queue and use a cubicle. Presumably by a man who 'can't get his head round' why women aren't clamouring to use them....

How would you feel if a man had similarly dismissively criticised a woman's own personal choices of sanitary protection products? After all, it certainly isn't something that he would be able to get his head round.

TheSparklyPussycat · 27/12/2019 13:06

Mine took to peeing without lifting the seat. And leaving drops of urine on it. When challenged he said "Well you leave drips on the seat as well!" (Which I don't think was true.) He didnt seem to get that I peed sitting down and would have to wipe the seat first.

He didn't use to do it. Like a PP this was one of the things that led me to divorce him. Completely disrespectful .

Cantdoleft · 27/12/2019 13:13

Mine took to peeing without lifting the seat. And leaving drops of urine on it. When challenged he said "Well you leave drips on the seat as well!" (Which I don't think was true.) He didnt seem to get that I peed sitting down and would have to wipe the seat first.

I am a man and have lived with plenty of women over the years (relatives, flat shares, partners etc) and can say that a lot of you assume you don’t see on the seat.

Plenty of you do, on the bottom of the lift able part at the front, but because you never lift the seat you probably don’t notice.

The next man along will notice when he has to lift the seat. I just clean it up, my other half doesn’t even know she does it.

RedPanda2 · 27/12/2019 13:13

Vile and not normal. Put his clothes he's left on the floor in the piss.
He sounds repulsive

BacktoMA · 27/12/2019 13:22

I wouldn't accept that behaviour from my 9 and 6 year old sons, so no that isn't acceptable for a grown man.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2019 13:33

“ You do realise that not everything that men do is part of a deliberate campaign to annoy or belittle women, don't you?”

I do realise that. But leaving urine on the seat or floor is is absolutely designed to belittle women. Expecting an adult to clean up another adult’s bodily fluids is utterly belittling.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2019 13:34

*Anorher able bodied adult.

TheSparklyPussycat · 27/12/2019 13:36

@Cantdoleft, I don't sit on the underside of the seat. If splashback underneath makes it yucky for the next man, surely that means you should clean the underside?

I do clean under the seat when I clean the whole toilet.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2019 13:38

I wouldn't accept that behaviour from my 9 and 6 year old sons, so no that isn't acceptable for a grown man.

Yes exactly - I taught my children to have basic manners and how to use a lavatory. As did their DF.

Its disgusting behaviour to leave the type of mess described and shows a complete lack of caring about the others in the house. What does it say about someone when they think so little of their families that they expect them to follow them around cleaning up?

Merryweather80 · 27/12/2019 13:39

For the men - arguing. My partner is well hung and over 6ft. He pees sitting, neither dangling his dong in the water or touching the porcelain with it. He points it back slightly and everything goes into the water, a foot and a half away from the seat. Then slides his bum further back to do the shake/ foreskin rub mentioned.
As for dawn horn. He waits until it naturally goes away.
No loud obnoxious farts either. Unless he's having a full-on belly laugh. Then it adds to the humour.

Op, I think you either need to have another chat and show him this. Or invest in puppy pads taping them to walls etc.
The kitchen mess is gross too. Can you serve him the crumbs and dirty cloth for supper?
As for laundry, don't iron his clothes.

I'm not surprised you have no feelings of attraction towards him.
Why doesn't he listen or adjust his attitude towards your requests for decent household hygiene?

Good luck xx

Dollyparton3 · 27/12/2019 13:42

Me ex husband used to do this, I repeatedly walked out of the bathroom with wet socks after I'd stood in his piss. Utterly disgusting. Note that he is now my ex husband

Cantdoleft · 27/12/2019 13:42

I do realise that. But leaving urine on the seat or floor is is absolutely designed to belittle women. Expecting an adult to clean up another adult’s bodily fluids is utterly belittling.

Bullshit. So if you go into a house or flat share that is only occupied by men you think the toilets are all immaculate?

That’s a really stupid comment/assumption.

Fact is, some people, male and female, are just a bit lazy and/or scruffy

zasknbg · 27/12/2019 13:43

I have lived with a lot of men: husband, teen son, several brothers, father and stepfather. Some are dirtier than others.

The pissing is an easy one to sort: he needs to piss sitting down.

Leaving clothes on floor is fairly normal but if you place a washing basket where the beast can see it you have more chance.

Kitchen messed, again fairly normal. Needs to learn to clean up after every cooking session. Could get him baby wipes for ease.

Farting yes most men fart like animals all over the place IME

Selene28 · 27/12/2019 13:44

Ask him to sit down when he pees. That's what my OH does and he never makes a mess.

Yellowcakestand · 27/12/2019 13:50

Sounds like my 4 year old

FlamingoAndJohn · 27/12/2019 13:53

Notice the comment about how men who sit down to pee might not have an erection in the morning? Tell me again how standing to pee isn’t asserting masculinity?

Brefugee · 27/12/2019 14:00

I'd use his favourite t shirt/cashmere jumper/silk tie to mop up the urine and leave it in a crumpled heal by the loo every single time - shouldn't take that long to change the behaviour…

I actually like this idea because it is so PA.

OP you need to drag him to the bathroom by his ear if necessary and stand over him while he cleans it up. Every time.

Do you have a 2nd toilet? get a lock put on it and keep all the keys - that one can be for your exclusive use.

The clothes, crumbs and farting… meh, some people do that some don't. But leaving wee in a toilet - whoever does it - is disgusting. For me that would be one reason to leave someone, actually.

ANiceLuxury · 27/12/2019 14:04

Hes disgusting.

If he cant aim properly then he needs to sit down.

DickDewy · 27/12/2019 14:28

Notice the comment about how men who sit down to pee might not have an erection in the morning? Tell me again how standing to pee isn’t asserting masculinity?

EXACTLY! I read that one out to my husband earlier and we both laughed at it for just that reason.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2019 16:38

Love the idea of men with willies so long that they would trail in the water if they sat down to pee.....Grin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/12/2019 16:59

I do realise that. But leaving urine on the seat or floor is is absolutely designed to belittle women. Expecting an adult to clean up another adult’s bodily fluids is utterly belittling.

I couldn't agree more - and I stated as much in an earlier comment. But the solution is to properly clean up after yourself if necessary, not to feel you have to change the way you naturally find it comfortable to perform a mundane task to suit somebody else.

As long as the toilet is left clean after you've used it, what business is it of somebody else's how you use it? If somebody is in the habit of NOT leaving it clean, then yes, we're into completely unacceptable and total lack of respect territory.

Motoko · 27/12/2019 17:22

My DH sits down to pee. I've just asked him if his knob touches the bowl and he said no. He did say that sometimes he has to angle it slightly, if his foreskin is causing the stream to go off to the side.

Morning wood causes the same problem for men standing or sitting to pee. I don't know why that was mentioned.

DickDewy · 27/12/2019 17:35

It was mentioned for machismo, Motoko.

Snowy111 · 27/12/2019 19:06

Fgs can’t believe people saying sitting down to pee is emasculating men. It’s just practical and courteous and it should be encouraged as the norm.

Even if they stand and wee all over the seat what would they clean it with? Loo roll? Not ideal! I can’t see them doing a proper clean!

My dp often makes an early trip to the loo before the morning glory takes full effect but it would be a problem whether standing or sitting. He’s 100% male - lovely courteous considerate male.

However, unfortunately for people saying it’s not normal for men to make a mess, why are blokes public loos so minging?