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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether these ‘man habits’ are really considered acceptable?!

190 replies

Vilanellexc · 26/12/2019 10:25

At least a couple of times a week, DH will manage to miss the toilet and spray urine on the tiled bathroom floor or all over the toilet rim. He seems to be oblivious that it’s happened and I’ll then be left to step in a puddle of his urine when I go to use the toilet myself, or notice it all dried up and stained on the floor. At times I’m not sure he’s aimed at the toilet at all! We’ve had numerous conversations about this as I find it absolutely revolting. I’m normally the one who has to clean it up too as his own attempts to clean it up aren’t thorough enough (splashes of urine still left around as he can’t ‘see’ it!). It often seems to happen when he’s woken up in the night to use the toilet and is still half asleep, though there has been incidents in the day too.

This coupled with DH leaving his clothes crumpled up around the room or shoving his clothing in drawers without folding/hanging, crumbs and oil splattered all over the kitchen after he’s been cooking and loudly passing wind all over the house and I’m feeling totally repulsed.

Was chatting to a few friends about this the other day and the consensus was that this is normal for most men and I should just turn a blind eye to it and accept it! AIBU in thinking that these disgusting habits are NOT normal or acceptable and surely can’t be the norm for most men?! Hmm

OP posts:
roisinagusniamh · 26/12/2019 16:21

OP, your friends are wrong to if think this is normal male behaviour and that you should turn a blind eye. You need to challenge their stereotyping.

Londonmummy66 · 26/12/2019 22:24

I'd use his favourite t shirt/cashmere jumper/silk tie to mop up the urine and leave it in a crumpled heal by the loo every single time - shouldn't take that long to change the behaviour...

Littlejets · 27/12/2019 00:54

I was getting sooooo fed up with cleaning up and working minutes of DPs return any clean/clear surface was literally completely filled with carnage...we've only been together for a short time so I know that no amount of hen pecking id going to change it...so I've just given up, if it's tidy it's tidy and if it's not, it's not. This attitude has made him realise and he makes a little bit of effort now (although does like to highlight his efforts and that's good enough for me). The toilet thing though...I really though it was him until I realised...it was actually me BlushBlush (backsplash embarrassment...I blame the design of the toilet (always something to blame lol))

CustomerCervixDepartment · 27/12/2019 01:05

You picked a rancid specimen to legally shackle yourself to. Were there no signs that he viewed you as a piss cleaner and womb on legs before you chose to marry him? You exist to service him, wipe up his piss and raise his offspring, what does he bring to your life? The entire point of a relationship is that it’s meant to enhance your life and be fun , this is a disgusting, filthy display to inflict on your kids and setting them up for having no standards in future.

LellyMcKelly · 27/12/2019 02:38

My 11yo son has been able to pee in the loo without leaving a mess since he was about 5. Either there is something wrong with your husband’s knob so that it looks and acts like a shower head, or he’s a lazy slob who expects you to clean his piss up for him. If his eyesight is so bad that he can’t see it then he needs to go to Specsavers. I agree with other posters who say you should clean it with his favourite clothes and leave them in a heap by the toilet.

HappydaysArehere · 27/12/2019 02:48

Sounds as if he doesn’t put the light on when he goes in the middle of the night. Or perhaps he wears glasses. In any case he isn’t showing you any respect if he doesn’t clean up after himself.

WatchingTheMoon · 27/12/2019 02:57

The pee stuff is not normal, you're living with a slov on that front.

I'm the one who leaves clothes nests all over the house though and it drives my husband crazy.

NaviSprite · 27/12/2019 04:23

On occasion my DH misses a bit as the stream apparently doesn’t always come out straight ahead Envy (obviously not envy). But he always checks and cleans up after himself afterwards so your fella is unfortunately a filth-monger.

k1233 · 27/12/2019 04:30

Sounds like he's not house broken...

I'd be using the crumpled up clothes to clean the piss puddle then return to the floor until he runs out of clothes and has to do his own washing.

Had one ex who would always drop his clothes next to the UNLIDDED laundry basket. After getting tired of asking him to move his hand an inch to the left so the clothes fell in the basket, I only washed clothes that were in the basket. After running out of clothes a few times he figured it out.

fruityconfusedhotdog · 27/12/2019 05:34

Ugh. No, not normal. My DH doesn't do this. And I definitely wouldn't be following him around cleaning up piss if he did. Bleurgh Envy

SwingingBy · 27/12/2019 05:34

No, it's not normal for correctly raised men.
I can't imagine either my husband or my adult son's behaving like that.
Husband sits on the loo if he needs to go during the night.
As for the laundry I would make him do his own.
He always cleans up after himself too.
Your friends must have low standards if they're prepared to put up with that behaviour.

xJodiex · 27/12/2019 05:40

The things you've mentioned were the norm for male who were/are in my life. It's something I thought all men do. I'm angry to read that it's not, you should be too.

Cantdoleft · 27/12/2019 06:04

It’s not that easy for a man to always get everything in the toilet without splash back, especially in the middle of the night.

Standards related to cleaning up vary. Puddles of pods are clearly unacceptable but let’s be honest, there are people who would describe a tiny drop as a puddle for dramatic effect

As for men peeing sitting down. They must have a very small penis or are happy for it to touch the inside of the bowl or the water which is disgusting

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/12/2019 06:23

Nah! Revolting!

Both my live in partners never did this-a total of 30 years!... ... A visiting sick child made a mess - his dad cleaned it up as soon as we realised.

It's slobbish disrespectful behaviour

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2019 07:41

“ It’s not that easy for a man to always get everything in the toilet without splash back, especially in the middle of the night.”

Bollocks.

Snowy111 · 27/12/2019 07:47

Have any of you used a shared male/female cubicle? You have to do a full clean before useEnvy. My (male) DP Sits down to wee but tells me blokes toilets, even in a professional workplace, are minging.

SubordinateThatClause · 27/12/2019 07:51

Farting is par for the course. Crumpled clothes shoved in a cupboard depends on who washes/ irons them. If you do that for him - massively disrespectful. Stop doing it! As for the piss puddles - game changer for me I'm afraid. Fucking disgusting.

SuperMeerkat · 27/12/2019 07:52

@Vilanellexc So gross. I can’t get to the bottom of who is responsible for the wee stains on the loo either. It’s either DH, DS or DSS, it certainly ain’t me or DSD. All I know is it always seems to be me clearing it up. DSS once actually shit all over the loo seat and left it there but he was marched right back in there to clear it up 😂 Anyway, I feel your pain OP. I also know all about the Floor-drobe, so annoying.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 27/12/2019 07:57

Those aren't "man habits", they're just things your partner does.

TreeSwayer · 27/12/2019 08:10

Dh and two teen DSs in this house, all sit to pee. They only stand at a urinal and we don't have them at home Wink

My sons have been taught to check a toilet after they have used it, common courtesy.

Clothes are put by everyone into a laundry basket (even gets sorted into lights, darks etc) crumbs are wiped up. This isn't a man thing, it is a lazy arsehole your specific Dh thing.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2019 08:12

“ Farting is par for the course”

Not if the OP doesn’t like it, it isn’t.

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2019 08:50

I've been married 40+ years. I don't think it's ever happened once.

Suggest he pees sitting down if he's incapable of aiming.

As to the other stuff, I wouldn't be doing any laundry for him ever.
And I'd keep sending him back to the kitchen till it was clean

DickDewy · 27/12/2019 08:51

I have 2 sons and never encouraged them to stand to pee at home when they were little. As someone else said, we don’t possess a urinal.

They all sit to pee here, inc my husband. They do whatever they like outside of the house.

Sadly, I can’t enforce this rule on visitors which is why we’re wiping off piss from the floor, loo rim and even adjacent radiator after they’ve left. 🤮

Cantdoleft · 27/12/2019 10:08

I really don’t understand how grown men sit to pee?

They must have to put their hands inside the bowl to point things in the right direction. There hands and arse cheeks must get covered in splash back (vomit) it can’t be healthy to be pointing backwards, and how on earth do they “shake” when done? Surely anything left just dribbled into their boxes when done.

Plus, they must be touching the water in inside of the bowl. Sounds far less hygienic than giving a quick wipe around with loo roll when finished to me and must be splashing the. Bottom of the line seat which they presumably never notice because it’s always down?

Very strange behaviour indeed.

WatchingTheMoon · 27/12/2019 10:12

@cantdoleft either you have an ungodly amount of water in your toilet bowl or your partner has some kind of monster wang.

How do you think they poop? Do you think they have to stand up for that too?