Worst Christmas Day I have ever had

[sadchristmas1]

This is our first year DP and I are having our own Christmas at home, we have only been together for 5 years, have a 2yo and one on the way. We were both up til about 2am wrapping presents and preparing food etc. This morning dd woke up at 7.30, he brought her downstairs gave her breakfast and hasn’t left the sofa since. We opened our presents (he sat on the sofa the whole time while I handed them out and tidied up wrapping paper etc) then straight after he fell asleep (about 9.30am). Me and DD watched tv for a bit then she wanted to go back to bed (late night) so she went to sleep about 12 and I made a start on Christmas lunch. DP snoring on the sofa the whole time. Took me 3.5 hours to make lunch, 3 meats all the trimmings etc completely alone. Woke both of them up when it was ready, DD refused to eat, DP are 3 mouthfuls then went back to sleep on the sofa where he still is. I have spent my whole Christmas Day alone, now I’m sat in the dining room on my own drinking non alcoholic Prosecco while dd watches tv next to snoring dp. I feel like I’ve had the shittest Christmas Day, I worked hard for 0 appreciation. Anyone else feeling shit?

Same here. Pretty shit day☹️

You have a toddler who doesn't know what Christmas is yet and what sounds like a lazy DP. I would not have stayed up wrapping presents until 2am or cooked 3 meats for Christmas especially as most toddlers get overwhelmed at this time of year and don't appreciate it and from the sound of it neither dies your DP. Tomorrow I would have a lay in and tell your DP he is looking after your DD.

So what's on the me u for tomorrow Boxing Day? Cold sliced meat and oven chips hopefully.

My ex was a lazy arse who would sit around doing nothing. Our first Xmas together, he stayed in bed until almost 1 in the afternoon and bought me sod all for Xmas.
The following Christmas I bought a frozen roast chicken ready meal and no gift. Then left him to it while I went to my parents and had a great time, along with a lovely Christmas dinner.
He wasn't happy. Tough, I was.
We were separated by the third Xmas.
Next Xmas OP minimise everything. Do the bare minimum. If he can't be bothered then why should you.

Jeesus - do you have a gas leak? Nobody needs that much fucking sleep! Why was he not kicked into touch? I don’t understand all these soggy women who cry resentfully and expect things to change? Unless you poison the gammon, they’re not - OR - LOSE YOUR SHIT AND DEMAND CHANGE!!!

Sounds like you have chosen to have children with a very lazy and unmotivated man. I am really sorry. Once the dust settles I'd have a serious talk with him about what you expect and what he expects.

I might also suggest he goes to the doctor because that is a lot of sleep. Unless, of course, he was drinking a lot while he was awake.

I did a lot of shopping, cleaning and cooking but I think it is important to decide in advance exactly what you want to do. There is no need for a lot of wrapped gifts for a child so young and by doing this much now you are setting yourself up for more of the same in the future.

Change what you do, how you do things and what you expect of your dh. Good luck

PS My dh cooked the dinner for us all today, by himself, I only helped at the end and helped washed up - by agreement. I will cook tomorrow as our guest will still be with us. We discussed in advance who would do what and it all worked out. I know it sounds boring but planning does help. Sounds like either your dh has always been a lazy arse and you have not noticed or he has got worse. You really do deserve better than this.

I'd settle for that very happily after my day.

Sorry OP but your home sounds utter chaos! Up until 2.30 wrapping presents, this could've been done way ahead of Christmas Eve. Joe when you'd already prepped all the food did it take 3.5 hours to do dinner?

As for a your DH dies he have sleeping sickness?

It all just sounds crazy!

I was up wrapping presents and food prepping til late as it was my dds birthday on the 23rd, we had family over to see her etc so I had a LOT of tidying up and cleaning to do on top of my regular Christmas preparation

How does having your daughters birthday on 23rd stop you from wrapping presents before the 24th December?

This week I've had inlaws here on Monday, a Christmas party for 7 children and their parents on Tuesday and then on Christmas Day we had friends around for dinner.

The trick is to plan for the whole lot so you have the next thing as ready to go as possible before all of it. All the presents boxed up etc so you minimise how much you have to do on the actual day.

If you are organising too much to do for your self you don't enjoy any of it. Know your own limits and keep to them and plan well ahead so you can do more.

Also learn when to say no. It's perfectly OK to do.

Blimey @sadchritmas1 you've been well and truly told off on here haven't you ?

Can't ppl spread a little Christmas love ? Even if this was all entirely the OP's fault ( and the OH just an innocent being taken in by a matryr )and brought on herself can't ppl be kind ? Has no one ever made mistakes themselves ?

So many seem obsessed by the 3 meats .I'm more concerned by the deep and excessive sleeping of the male partner .Is he drinking much much more than the OP realises ( how very dare she let him and/or not notice ) or is utterly exhausted from work or ill ?

Sounds like your DH is a dickhead.

But also you have yourself far too much stress.

We had a small Christmas yesterday just us at home.

I prepped everything I could early and froze. So all I had to really do yesterday was peel 4 potatoes, then boil stuff or shove it in the oven.

So I was back and forth to the kitchen a bit but we had a lovely chilled day.

Weekend was hectic with in laws. Now with my family for the next 2 days.

Nice to just enjoy the 25th at home as chill as the household can be after a visit from Santa.

If your DH demanded 3 meats and wasn't willing to cook them then that's his loss. Sounds like a total waste of space.

Sorry OP, I would also be taking to my bed to avoid all the ‘making memories’ shite. Maybe he went along with the up till 2.30am wrapping presents (WTF) but realised three meats and 3.5 hours cooking for 2 adults and a toddler was ridiculous.

Why do some people make such a drama about Christmas? Is it for Facebook likes? Insta competitiveness ?

The food is just a big roast with some desert. You can order presents online and pop them in gift bags if you don’t want to wrap. Just because you want to go overboard doesn’t mean DP has to go along with the drama.

Totally understand the presents. I have often be up that late getting them all wrapped .... but on my own .... dh never did any.
But your dh did 'qualify' for a nap as he also had the late night and then got up to give dd breakfast. And then I guess if he was really tired he may have gone into a sound sleep.
I think in your shoes I would have decided what was a reasonable amount of sleep and then woken him up. And maybe just put the meats on and not done the other Christmas dinner stuff until he was awake to share the preparation.

And agree with others about pre-preparing the dinner. I do absolutely all humanly possible prep for Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. Then Christmas Day I spend a lot of time twiddling thumbs (as it were!).

OP you sound like a bit of a doormat. Change it or this will be your life.

I don’t think she sounds like a doormat. 90% of the stuff she did over the last 48 hours didn’t need to be done. Her DP stepped back and let her get on with stressing herself for no reason.

Sleeping like that could mean he is aickwning for something ?

Op free yourself from this kind of stress and resentment by making a plan with your dp and going more simple.

You probably would’ve had a lovely Christmas if you didn’t have so many gifts to wrap the night before Christmas (buy less or do a few a day from the week before) and you had a simpler lunch with a roast and tray of veg for yourselves, and did the other roast for Boxing Day later and your dp pulled his weight.
He’s entitled to a nap, just as you are but to sleep for the whole day was just ridiculous. He needs to stop drinking if it has that effect on him.

I don’t think OP is a doormat. I think OP got caught in the trap of wanting a perfect first Christmas at home with her family. Expectations were way too high, and pressure to perform to exacting standards meant that she pushed herself way too hard. That’s ok. Next year will be different, as long as OP makes it clear that she’s not going to carry all the burden of making Christmas happen, and if she learns not to put ridiculous pressure on herself, and not to let others do so either. That’s why people are telling her not to martyr herself and not to let him off the hook. It’s a dynamic that is very easy to fall into and extremely difficult to get out of.

No idea why you’re doing all that?

Well, I agree your Dh could have been more help, but really, you don't need three meats etc, spending all that tine on a meal for two adults and a toddler.
You share at least one of the responsibility for how your day went.
My DIL had an early morning phone call yesterday telling her that her mum had been rushed to hospital with a heart attack. By the time she was able to get there, her mum had died. I think her day was worse than yours.

You haven't answered the questions asking if he's normally so lazy?

YABU for spending so much time cooking tbh

Really though, a bit dramatic. Why dopeople blow up this one day so much , you’re always gonna feel let down!!

I think a lot of people would take your day over theirs. We spent it in a children’s hospital.

@Tellmetruth4 that’s exactly what it’s for. It seems like that’s all anything is for at the moment - the best photos of the most Insta-worthy (manufactured) “memories”. Which must all happen in your scrubbed from top-to-bottom with bleach ten times a day surgically pristine grey home. Young mothers are driving themselves over the edge to emulate their idols (like Mrs bloody Hinch).