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AIBU?

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Original poster

Worst Christmas Day I have ever had

207 replies

sadchristmas1 · 25/12/2019 17:07

This is our first year DP and I are having our own Christmas at home, we have only been together for 5 years, have a 2yo and one on the way. We were both up til about 2am wrapping presents and preparing food etc. This morning dd woke up at 7.30, he brought her downstairs gave her breakfast and hasn’t left the sofa since. We opened our presents (he sat on the sofa the whole time while I handed them out and tidied up wrapping paper etc) then straight after he fell asleep (about 9.30am). Me and DD watched tv for a bit then she wanted to go back to bed (late night) so she went to sleep about 12 and I made a start on Christmas lunch. DP snoring on the sofa the whole time. Took me 3.5 hours to make lunch, 3 meats all the trimmings etc completely alone. Woke both of them up when it was ready, DD refused to eat, DP are 3 mouthfuls then went back to sleep on the sofa where he still is. I have spent my whole Christmas Day alone, now I’m sat in the dining room on my own drinking non alcoholic Prosecco while dd watches tv next to snoring dp. I feel like I’ve had the shittest Christmas Day, I worked hard for 0 appreciation. Anyone else feeling shit?

OP posts:
AboardtheAxiom · 25/12/2019 17:21

Well that sounds shit.

Is he generally a partner that doesn't supposedly see what needs doing and have the iniative to do it like a grown adult or was this behaviour today unexpected and out of character??

Presents - should have been wrapped much much earlier.

Dinner - should have been all pre made stuff and only one quick simple meat. Take away unnecessary labour.

Hinsight is a marvellous thing OP. Be clear what will be happening next year and tell him now and in the run up.

Tomorrow do NOTHING. You're pregnant and tired. Sofa, cbeebies for little one, snacks, and ideally him realising he's lazy and bringing you a stream of drinks and snacks.

mrpoopybutthole · 25/12/2019 17:21

Enjoy your Christmas dinner, you spent long enough cooking it. Tell him (calmly) how you feel, suggest that he treats you tomorrow, whether that's taking you out for nice lunch/dinner, shopping etc. If he doesn't want to do that, then leave little one with him and take yourself out for a nice day of shopping & lunch.

TheMouldNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 25/12/2019 17:22

Since having kids we have made Christmas low prep, low key. Little kids won't remember 3 roasts or beautifully wrapped presents. Your dp should help you more, but I'd also make things much easier for you both. For comparison - I spent around an hour sorting presents, stockings and wrapping last night, and dh spent around an hour cooking today (having prepared some dishes in advance).

Original poster
sadchristmas1 · 25/12/2019 17:22

I have tried to wake him up but he just looks at me and falls asleep again. I cooked a lot because I’m going to take some to my mums tomorrow for Boxing Day

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/12/2019 17:23

Well maybe OP planned a big dinner on the misapprehension that her DH would actually help. As she is pregnant. As it's your first Christmas just you, did he know he was expected to help? Like some men still don't get it, think their mum did all the work so their wife should to. Spell it out to him. Also he is a being a cf.

Comps83 · 25/12/2019 17:23

My due date was yday
We have spent all day at each other’s throats , think due to not really being able to do much and just being bored and waiting for the baby to come. He’ll deny it but I think I big part of it for dh is not being able to have a drink

CountTessa · 25/12/2019 17:23

Luckily he's taken today off, so you get to spend tomorrow doing the same. Feign sleep if you need to. But just relax.

Ninkanink · 25/12/2019 17:23

Next time don’t wish. Tell him straight out that you expect him to pull his weight.

Also, don’t martyr yourself. Why did you spend three hours cooking three meats when it’s just you, him and a young child?

Flowers it’s not nice to feel unappreciated and taken for granted. But you need to take some responsibility for putting yourself under that kind of ridiculous pressure.

Don’t do anything else today. Just enjoy some snuggles with your little one.

tinkerbellla · 25/12/2019 17:23

He sounds useless but I personally wouldn't have allowed him to be. Tomorrow should be your day to rest or do whatever you want to do. Let him know your requirements now and next year don't bother with all of the faff, you'll have a better day without it. I've been alone and in bed sick if it makes you feel any better! Wondering if I can stomach a Bailey's now though...

mrpoopybutthole · 25/12/2019 17:24

Also, plan it better next year re cooking etc. I'm heavily pregnant now & have done all the cooking this year (totally my choice). I did a lot of it yesterday Inc 2 meat joints cooked separately in slow cooker etc. Next year there's no way I'm doing loads of cooking with a little one. Already planned to get supermarket luxury turkey roll, frozen goose fat spuds, nice premade veg etc.

jamdhanihash · 25/12/2019 17:24

Far too much effort for Christmas Day. YABU to expect him not to fall asleep esp if you've been working this hard. Scale it back next year.

RedskyAtnight · 25/12/2019 17:24

You are 2 adults and a 2 year old. Who were you doing all this for?

There was no reason why you couldn't have gone to bed at a sensible hour and made a less time consuming meal. Yes, DH should have helped more, but most of what you were doing was unnecessary!

Sprinklemetinsel · 25/12/2019 17:25

You need to be a bit more flexible- just don't do it unless you want to. So if you want loads of food to take tomorrow, then you do it. If you want a nap, then have a nap.

hopeishere · 25/12/2019 17:26

Is he unwell? Or has he just come off some sort of horrendous shift pattern? Sleeping that much isn't normal.

Three meats seems a bit excessive for two adults.

Original poster
sadchristmas1 · 25/12/2019 17:26

Well he told me last night that he was going to make the food then this morning said he was going for an hour nap and to wake him up when he needed to start. Tried to wake him up but he wouldn’t do it was do it myself or don’t eat

OP posts:
bigchris · 25/12/2019 17:27

Yeh just chill out next year

Do you not have family to see ?

Original poster
sadchristmas1 · 25/12/2019 17:28

We did go for a drink last night too, he didn’t go overboard but had maybe two pints and 2 bottles of beer when we got home. It’s not a big amount but drink makes him lazy

OP posts:
Daisy7654 · 25/12/2019 17:28

I know there's an enormous pressure on mums to make the perfect Xmas and be a domestic goddess especially when you're young and just starting out on it.
Don't worry about above PP, women bitch either way but be easier on yourself next time. It doesn't need to be like it is on TV, (and never is). Also most people take massive shortcuts, even foodies. Turkey in, roasts and roast veg in later, often preprepared ones. Relax the rest of the time.

Also tell your husband seriously that his lack of contribution is unacceptable and divorce territory.

Lastly, don't stay up till 2am unless it's for fun. Shop earlier, buy less and wrap by mid December. I'm still training myself in this as I used to still be shopping Xmas eve but I'm seriously tough with myself now and it's all the better for it.
It gets better. Sending good will x

GertrudeCB · 25/12/2019 17:28

Is he ill?

ZaraW · 25/12/2019 17:29

My brother died on Christmas day so all Christmases are a bit crap.

WeshMaGueule · 25/12/2019 17:29

It's supposed to be a fecking holiday. Why bother doing ten times more work than usual?

MonstranceClock · 25/12/2019 17:29

Sorry, if I was up that late and then up that early with daughter is be sleeping all day too! No need for all that fuss for 3 of you. You’ve kind of done this too yourself.

formerbabe · 25/12/2019 17:30

You are being ridiculous....sorry. No need to stay up till 2am wrapping gifts! And 3.5 hours to make lunch! Three different meats...absolutely insane and unnecessary.

As for this

We opened our presents (he sat on the sofa the whole time while I handed them out and tidied up wrapping paper etc)

No offense but this is hardly taxing...handing out gifts and sticking wrapping paper in a bin bag. He did nothing...well so what, leave the wrapping paper on the floor...sounds like you're dashing around like a Christmas martyr.

I'm sure you're both tired after staying up till 2am....

Sorry if it sounds harsh but you're making your own life tougher than it needs to be.

For three of you, I'd chuck a Turkey crown in oven and some pre prepped veg...I've cooked for 12 before and it didn't take three hours.

TheMouldNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 25/12/2019 17:31

How is your dp normally - is he usually great and this is out of character? Or does he have form for laziness?

My dh is fantastic, but utterly hopeless when tired - if he was up till 2am wrapping presents he would be comatose on the sofa, despite best intentions. But he would never expect me to be up till 2am either (esp not pregnant) and if we were still wrapping late he would insist on leaving it and making do. Actually I gave my kids one unwrapped present today (also unboxed as second hand, I hadn't got around to wrapping it) and they didn't care one bit. Did your dp expect all this stuff to be done by you?

MrsJoshNavidi · 25/12/2019 17:32

3 meats for you, DH and a toddler????