Worst Christmas Day I have ever had

[sadchristmas1]

This is our first year DP and I are having our own Christmas at home, we have only been together for 5 years, have a 2yo and one on the way. We were both up til about 2am wrapping presents and preparing food etc. This morning dd woke up at 7.30, he brought her downstairs gave her breakfast and hasn’t left the sofa since. We opened our presents (he sat on the sofa the whole time while I handed them out and tidied up wrapping paper etc) then straight after he fell asleep (about 9.30am). Me and DD watched tv for a bit then she wanted to go back to bed (late night) so she went to sleep about 12 and I made a start on Christmas lunch. DP snoring on the sofa the whole time. Took me 3.5 hours to make lunch, 3 meats all the trimmings etc completely alone. Woke both of them up when it was ready, DD refused to eat, DP are 3 mouthfuls then went back to sleep on the sofa where he still is. I have spent my whole Christmas Day alone, now I’m sat in the dining room on my own drinking non alcoholic Prosecco while dd watches tv next to snoring dp. I feel like I’ve had the shittest Christmas Day, I worked hard for 0 appreciation. Anyone else feeling shit?

And OP, a present for DP, say, 3 for DD. It barely takes an hour. Let alone 3. And if your DD's birthday was on the 23rd, you would have cleaned up for (before) then, so why would you need to clean again, 1 night later? Especially since it was only you 2 and DD at your house, no one else? A few things in your account simply do not make sense. It was only you and DP. And 2 year old baby. You really didn't have any actual preparation to do, at all. You clearly had your heart in the right place, and wanted to make it special, but if it's basically just you and DP, there is no need to make any special preparations.

But why is the OP at fault for not manage to get her lazy partner to actually do something?!

Next time do the bare minimum for you and the kids and leave nothing for your lazy partner.

I think you are a victims of your own completely unrealistic christmas expectations. What you had planned would be appropriate for a family of 20+, but hopelessly over the top for 3 people.
If people are tired, sleep! christmas for : doesn’t have to follow a pre-defined plan appropriate for a military operation,its needs to be fun, not a chore!

It was you, a 2 year old and your DP. The only pressure came from yourself.

I had dinner done in an hour and a half - why did it take you so long, if the excessive 3 meats cook so well together? Just what took so long?

I mean, if you want to win the Mumsnet Competitive Christmas Martyrdom Trophy, then next year you really need a demanding in-law that there was no real reason to invite, but who is nevertheless going to be with you for almost 2 weeks.

.....but also a martyr, why did you enslave yourself? You are partly to blame.

Well it sounds shit but hardly the worst Christmas ever. This morning my "D"P announced he was leaving me for someone else. And even that isn't the worst Christmas ever.

I am the only fit one in our house, as elderly mil who lives with us has a cold, my OH is recovering from.major surgery and we have a very actiVe jack Russell. So I am pretty much doing all cleaning cooking shopping and motivating of two unwell people. And ive had an absolutely lovely day. Cooked a simple turkey dinner (small Tesco turkey breast joint cooked from.frozen roast and mash potatoes, roast parsnips, frozen York's puds, sprouts carrots peas and gravy , and we all sat together and pulled crackers and ate. I washed up, took dog for second of two walks, and vegged out with some nuts and chocs and TV whilst oh and mil and dog all slept. Magical,actually!

But the OP’s partner did do something

He stayed up until 2am wrapping and food prep
And then got up when his daughter woke up and gave her breakfast

What he didn’t do was become entirely wrapped up in the OP’s ridiculous OTT Christmas preparations

Sorry to hear this OP, but don’t make a rod for your own back - 3 different meats for you, DP and a toddler

First Christmas without any grandparents this year and I made it easier on myself - turkey crown, less food, no serving bowls etc.

Of course your DP is asleep, he had 5.5hrs sleep - maybe don’t go so mad with the food next year. Hope you get some rest when he wakes up - it’s his turn to take over and put DD in bed tonight - go run yourself a bath

Also if they agreed together to do certain things, he can't back out of the prep at the absolute last second.

But why is the OP at fault for not manage to get her lazy partner to actually do something?!

If my DH stayed up until 2.30 wrapping a stack of presents and prepping food and proceeded to spend 3.5 hrs cooking a 3 meat Christmas dinner for 2 (& disinterested small child) I would also take to my bed to get away from the utter madness.

I don’t think cooking multiple meats is any harder as they all just fit in the tray together (They weren’t huge joints) and cook for roughly the same amount of time

So what took you 3.5 hours today?! Seriously we cooked for 10 and it took nowhere near that length of time.

@Far2go46 She said she's pregnant.

Welcome to life, luv

I did similar last year, OP, and vowed never again to stress myself out with stuff like dinner and presents ever again.

I've still had a pretty shitty day this year but for different reasons. I took a backseat with childcare, bought a handful of presents and now I'm chilling with a nice cold beer in my living room which looks as though it's been hit by a nuclear blast.

Cut yourself some slack next time. Honestly, you'll feel better. 👍

I’m far from a lazy-arse man apologist, but honestly in this case I reckon your DP had the right idea and you should’ve joined him on the sofa OP!

I'd be really irritated with your DP too.
But Christmas is hard when you have children. It's a lot of work. Over the years, you develop a routine and shortcuts and work out which bits you want to do well and which bits you aren't so fussed about. It will get easier.
I would settle DD (if possible) and settle down with a drink.

Sorry but you sound like a bit of a martyr. A huge dinner that takes 3.5 hours is completely unnecessary for a couple.

Don't feel everything has to be perfect OP, I did that in my 1st marriage, spent hours making buffet food (all home made) , cleaned house to to bottom etc, it simply wasn't appreciated because after a few drinks I could honestly have done a full buffet from Iceland and they wouldn't have known the difference. My attitude is unless they are joining in and cooking etc they get what they are given. Please don't make things hard on yourself . I did, I felt he didn't do nearly enough and grew to resent it, we ended up divorced and as a much older person now and with the benefit of hindsight , I think my expectations Were a mental thing, rather than what was necessary or needed.

Why was Far2go46's post deleted? All they said was they couldn't understand anyone drinking non-alcoholic prosecco (hence my reply to them). Not sure why their post needed to be removed though?

Some nasty comments on here. Your partner has been lazy and selfish.

Frankly if he had promised to cook and then fallen asleep I would have left dinner uncooked and eaten beans on toast. Balls to his three meats.

Hope you manage to enjoy something today, OP.

You're getting a roasting on here. Im sure you get the message. Please dont start "it wasn't that hard" when its apparent it was hard.

Lessons learned I hope. Do not leave it so late next year to wrap gifts. Im not mrs queen organisation but I try and get gift purchases finished by end of November and wrap as thet arrive. I am organised in that I write down what evèryone has in what paper (to keep track of santa gifts). My hard close last bit of wrapping is the 22nd as my friend has a festive party on 23rd which to me is the start of Christmas.

Next year be mindful of needing to sort out all gift wrapping before your dds birthday. I have a lot of friends with December and early jan birthdays and it just means needing a bit of extra planning. Youre already buying and wrapping gifts and sorting festivities so you just do birthday alongside.

Also saying no to dh and dm when they suggest you do more: more food mire work more hassle.

Yes youve been caught out this year by dh saying he would help and then not. So next year learn the lesson. Say outright: we dont need to do / buy / eat all that. And when it comes time to prepare food just say this isn't happening if You dont help. Plus Whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up. It's the law!

Why did you bother cooking 3 meats for him when he was on the sofa being a lazy wanker? You didn't need to do any of it. I'd have told him he better get his arse up or I'm not bothering with it at all. Don't be a martyr next year.

He may have been wondering what all the unnecessary flapping around was about and why you weren't just joining him and DD to watch some crap Xmas tv.