Worst Christmas Day I have ever had

[sadchristmas1]

This is our first year DP and I are having our own Christmas at home, we have only been together for 5 years, have a 2yo and one on the way. We were both up til about 2am wrapping presents and preparing food etc. This morning dd woke up at 7.30, he brought her downstairs gave her breakfast and hasn’t left the sofa since. We opened our presents (he sat on the sofa the whole time while I handed them out and tidied up wrapping paper etc) then straight after he fell asleep (about 9.30am). Me and DD watched tv for a bit then she wanted to go back to bed (late night) so she went to sleep about 12 and I made a start on Christmas lunch. DP snoring on the sofa the whole time. Took me 3.5 hours to make lunch, 3 meats all the trimmings etc completely alone. Woke both of them up when it was ready, DD refused to eat, DP are 3 mouthfuls then went back to sleep on the sofa where he still is. I have spent my whole Christmas Day alone, now I’m sat in the dining room on my own drinking non alcoholic Prosecco while dd watches tv next to snoring dp. I feel like I’ve had the shittest Christmas Day, I worked hard for 0 appreciation. Anyone else feeling shit?

Wrapping till 2am is mental, especially for a child who will be more interested in the wrapping than the toy. I have 3 primary school age kids, and we wrapped all gifts last night. Started at 9pm, done by 10pm.

I prepped the food yesterday whilst the kids and DH chilled out after a long walk, which i actually quite enjoy doing.

This morning we did presents and then DH made the dinner with 2 meats for 5 people.

I get you wanted it to be magical & perfect but in my experience xmas is rarely how we imagine. Today my 10 year old was a stroppy madam (probably due to getting up at 3am, was swiftly sent back to bed), my 7 & 8 year olds have fought like cats & dogs over everything, my 7 year old has barely eaten and DH went to bed for 2 hours with a headache. But even so it was a great day, house looks like a bomb has gone off and we're entertaining tomorrow but I'm not gonna have a fit over it. We can tidy up in a few days once festivities are over.

Wake up DH (unless he's poorly) and he's on "duty" this evening & tomorrow since he's so rested. And stop playing a martyr for goodness sake as xmas jusy gets crazier the older & more children you have. And for christs sake, dont wrap at 2am. Do it in the evening after DD is in bed.

I'd of kicked him up arse and made him help but thats just me I dont let my oh take piss .

I think some are being a bit harsh. I agree the late night and hours in the kitchen weren’t necessary, but OP is also feeling disappointed that she’s now sat on her own bored and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel like that.

OP I had a Christmas like that a couple of years ago. DD was just a baby. My DM was supposed to come after lunch but cancelled last minute as she was ill. DH was a massive grump and slept all afternoon. As a child we always had a family party on Christmas Day. It was loud and busy and fun (but also noisy, chaotic and no doubt stressful for the adults). Compared to those Christmases I felt so flat and it was rubbish. I vowed it would not happen again.

I’ve lowered my expectations of Christmas since then. DH just isn’t particularly interested so I’ve stopped allowing myself to get stressed and snappy in the build up. I’ve pared the present buying right down. I do it earlier, most of it by the end of November so December can be enjoyed. Christmas lunch is how we have decided we want it (no starter, turkey and lots of trimmings, bought desserts), not how my mum used to do it. It was all prepped yesterday and we (including our guests) all mucked in with cooking, setting the table, dishes. It was laid back and lovely. DH is not grumpy has he hasn’t had to endure stressy me for weeks, and hasn’t been roped in to helping me getting the house spotless to achieve the ‘perfect Christmas’. I accepted that the afternoon would be quiet compared to the festivities of my childhood, and embraced new pjs, rubbish tv, cheese and relaxing. It’s been a lovely day and DH is jolly and has thanked me for providing a good Christmas for us (although he did his fair share without me nagging).

I’m so sorry you’ve had a rubbish day after all your hard work, and I hope you manage to enjoy the rest of the evening. But honestly, reduce the pressure and expectations for next year. Your DC will know no different and you should be able to enjoy the day too.

As for your DH, is this normal behaviour for him? If not, I’d be concerned he is ill or depressed. If he’s just being lazy or miserable then YANBU to be pissed off. Don’t let him ruin it completely for you.

Don't be such a martyr...speak up...& certainly wake him up!!!!! Why have you let him get away with doing sod all??

Wait - people make more than one meat for Christmas lunch? Why? It’s totally unnecessary!

How odd.

What did you cook that took 3.5 hours, especially as prep had been done already???

Why have you let him get away with doing sod all??

Man had five hours of sleep last night, not surprised he's catching some Zs instead of running around like a blue-arsed fly on his downtime.

If anyone should have been snoozing all day it was you!

A lot of people just want to spend Christmas Day relaxing, watching tv and snoozing. If you can’t beat em, join em

He was unreasonable for sleeping all day - given 2am bedtime and 7.30 start a nap is fair enough but not most of the day.

(When did you get up in the morning OP out of interest?)

You were unreasonable for going overboard with presents, wrapping and food.

Next year I hope you can meet somewhere in the middle.

he sat on the sofa the whole time while I handed them out and tidied up wrapping paper etc

Here's a tip freely offered from a stranger on the internet. Next time, just sit down beside him , don't say anything, complain or anything and just wait to see what happens.

My DH takes longer to start anything than I do. For a while, I would jump in and do 'everything'. He would let me get on with it.

Then, I learned to give him more time and have loved the results Sometimes, he needs to be told but mostly ...

it's worth a try. It's important for you to do what you enjoy, too.

I think you overdid it. Yes, your DH should have helped and been more present. But you didn't need to wrap so late or cook such an OTT meal! Young children don't each much anyway.

Oh bless - your Xmas day sounded lonely. Even though its more work - we have family/friends over. Cousins play together and everyone mucks in/brings dessert. There's no pressure for it to ge perfect as everything is cobbled together.

Also - there's company. Otherwise Xmas day just feels like a normal day. I have to usually go outside everyday or I'd have cabin fever - but there's loads of conversation going on at home so I haven't felt like this today - I haven't been outside today at all!

Big hugs. I think you've worked hard to make the day as special as you can for everyone else. Next year - have a think what your perfect Xmas day would be like and make sure your own needs are in there too.

Also - think about what is important to you, not what you think what Xmas day should be like for everyone else. Dh and I don't exchange gifts as receiving gifts are not important to us. People often ask me what dh has given me and look shocked when I say "nothing!"

I have a friend who does a small buffet for Xmas lunch as she can't bear the whole roast dinner workload. We have considered a huge takeaway in the past 😁

A basic Christmas dinner for 2 ( don’t count toddler) takes about an hour’s preparation.
Next year be in bed by 10 and tell oh to help or you’ll both be eating beans on toast.
If you act like a doormat a lazy inconsiderate man will leave you to get on with it.

I think you went overboard too, but at least you know for next year! Sounds like you had a very lavish meal

Does he have form for this? I have flu but on the mend. I’m chronically ill anyway. I decided not to bother with the now frozen turkey crown and we had a cook in the bag chicken instead. We will have the turkey when I feel better. I amended my Tesco order to include precut veg etc because I knew I wouldn’t be up to much today. I think you do have to cut yourself some slack and stop trying to do it all. I had to. Had no choice. Dh and dd ended up taking over the cooking so I could rest. I think you need to slow down too.

Oh Love! First Xmases can be Heaven or hell. I spent part of my first one (pregnant) locked in the loo, crying because of a joke my DH made about my turkey. My darling grandfather in law had to come and coax me out!

Next year you'll know to make things a bit simpler and easier for yourself. And you'll be more able to give your DH a boot up the arse!

I had stufffed chicken thighs with some frozen roast spuds and some veg. Easy and the whole meal took 45 minutes tops

OP, he has been extremely rude And selfish to sleep all day, particularly when he has a child. There is no denying this.

But, as for the rest if it, the expression making a rod for your own back springs to mind. Even if he was helping you, doing all that food for two people is ridiculous.

At least he helped you wrap the presents. My DH has never wrapped anything for our DC and we have 4. This year alone, I must have wrapped over 100 items (inc stocking stuff). Every year it’s the same, but I can safely say I’ve never been up at 2am doing it. You just do it in stages.

How many presents were you wrapping?

I know it’s hard when you’re pregnant, but this is the very reason why most people just simplify. You could have gone to M&S for the food and just bunged it all in the oven, if it’s just he two of you?

Rather than slaving for 3.5 hours (!!), I think I would have just given him a kick and said, “Oi, it’s Christmas Day. Get up. We’re going out for a walk.” Or, “Wake up and put the batteries or whatever in this / play with your own daughter...” But it sounds like you were the whole day in the kitchen instead?

I don’t mean to be harsh, but there is no need for any of this really.

Not a chance in hell my husband would be doing that unless he was really unwell. Why let him get away with it?

Why in god’s name have you done 3 meats and all the trimmings and stayed up until 2am wrapping when it’s two of you and a 2 year old? He sounds a lazy sod and you sound a martyr.

Leave the OP alone! She tried to make it perfect(which never happens) and her dp was a shit.

I'm sorry it was rubbish op. I hope it improved later.

You made the day hard for yourself, and you've got a crap partner.

So don't make next year the same.

I think be better prepared and plan next year.
You’ve gone totally OTT by the sounds of it

What the last two posters said.