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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ILs

209 replies

AIBU2020 · 23/12/2019 10:49

AIBU?

My MIL got a horse at the beginning of the year, she knew none of us where really interested in horses. I can’t ride as I’m disabled and can’t really go up and help muck out either as it makes my illness worse espically in the cold. So I’ve been up there all of 5 times since she got the horse.
She expects us to pay horse insurance for the horse, when she first got him we told her we wouldn’t be paying every month just as and when we could afford it. So far this year we’ve paid over £400 of our own money towards it.
This month understandably we are skint with Christmas. We’ve paid for the whole Christmas dinner for our ILs as we are hosting and along with presents etc we just couldn’t afford the insurance.
She has DN live with her also who works yet doesn’t pay towards living with MIL or towards the horse yet she’s up there most days riding. MIL demanded why we wasn’t paying horse insurance this month the other day in front of our friends who were round for the evening so I didn’t want to go into to much detail about our money. I just said we was behind on the bills and couldn’t afford it this month, to which she said she was struggling to and getting behind on her bills and that she needed the money from us. To which DH said we can’t give you what we don’t have.
Now I’ve noticed she asks us to get her items when we go shopping and then doesn’t pay us back so it’s really starting to add up. I also share my car with her (that I pay for) and she uses it a lot more than I do.
Would I be unreasonable to tell her from January we won’t be paying anymore money towards the horse? My DC don’t like horses so they don’t even benefit from it. Thing is it will cause world war 3 if we say we won’t be paying anymore but surely DN should be paying towards the horse since she’s up there every day? Sad I’m really behind on our bills now, and it makes me sad that MIL expects us to pay this amount every month for her personal hobby because she claims we have more money than her (but of course we do we have DC to pay for which aren’t cheap!)

OP posts:
YouretheChristmasCarcass · 30/12/2019 17:24

I think your DH was wrong to stay, but if you were OK with it, then that's all that matters. What DOES matter is that your DH now backs you to the hilt going forward.

If you haven't, the two of you need to sit down and discuss how the two of you plan to go forward in any interactions/relationship (if any) with MiL. She will try to 'divide and conquer' and you can't let her do that.

Does MiL have a key to the car?

Tistheseason17 · 30/12/2019 17:34

I think it is their loss and your gain.

You will be financially better off and mentally better off without the repeated bullying behaviour for money!

Join some local groups and get to meet nice new people.

Also, contact the hospital and ask about patient transport - it can be provided for those who cannot get to the appointment.

Be wary as they will def come crawling back eomtimes and there will be strings attached.

LittleMissTeacup · 31/12/2019 10:05

I think your DH was a bit unsupportive but at least you’re free of the horse finance! And just think, with the money you’ve saved on the horse and her shopping, you will have extra income available for taxis or trains to the hospital if needed.

Somevampsarehot · 01/01/2020 09:18

How do you know your DH told her off for her behaviour? That's what he's told you, but you have no idea if he's telling you the truth or not. And going by his previous behaviour, I really doubt he stood up to her.

Hahaha88 · 01/01/2020 09:27

Wtaf?? She kicked you out and your not so dear hubby stayed for lunch??? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree there eh

StreetwiseHercules · 01/01/2020 09:33

To be honest I think it’s nice that your MIL has a hobby and it’s only right and kind that you help your MIL by paying for it. It might have nothing to do with you but your poor MIL might have anxiety/depressing or something so I would fork out just in case to be on the safe side.

Only joking! Tell her to fuck off on the horse she rode in on.

iamkahleesi · 01/01/2020 10:10

Congratulations on your new found freedom in 2020, you don't need entitled people like MIL in your life. Stay strong and don't you dare apologise to her. Can't believe your DH stayed for lunch though. Way to show your children it's ok for people to treat their mum like shit.
Well done though OP, it's hard to take a stand and you've done it!

Nanny0gg · 01/01/2020 11:15

I'm assuming that you've actually got the car back?

sonjadog · 01/01/2020 11:27

What the hell is wrong with your husband that he stayed for lunch after his wife had just been kicked out of the house??

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