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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU ILs

209 replies

AIBU2020 · 23/12/2019 10:49

AIBU?

My MIL got a horse at the beginning of the year, she knew none of us where really interested in horses. I can’t ride as I’m disabled and can’t really go up and help muck out either as it makes my illness worse espically in the cold. So I’ve been up there all of 5 times since she got the horse.
She expects us to pay horse insurance for the horse, when she first got him we told her we wouldn’t be paying every month just as and when we could afford it. So far this year we’ve paid over £400 of our own money towards it.
This month understandably we are skint with Christmas. We’ve paid for the whole Christmas dinner for our ILs as we are hosting and along with presents etc we just couldn’t afford the insurance.
She has DN live with her also who works yet doesn’t pay towards living with MIL or towards the horse yet she’s up there most days riding. MIL demanded why we wasn’t paying horse insurance this month the other day in front of our friends who were round for the evening so I didn’t want to go into to much detail about our money. I just said we was behind on the bills and couldn’t afford it this month, to which she said she was struggling to and getting behind on her bills and that she needed the money from us. To which DH said we can’t give you what we don’t have.
Now I’ve noticed she asks us to get her items when we go shopping and then doesn’t pay us back so it’s really starting to add up. I also share my car with her (that I pay for) and she uses it a lot more than I do.
Would I be unreasonable to tell her from January we won’t be paying anymore money towards the horse? My DC don’t like horses so they don’t even benefit from it. Thing is it will cause world war 3 if we say we won’t be paying anymore but surely DN should be paying towards the horse since she’s up there every day? I’m really behind on our bills now, and it makes me sad that MIL expects us to pay this amount every month for her personal hobby because she claims we have more money than her (but of course we do we have DC to pay for which aren’t cheap!)

OP posts:

FraglesRock · 23/12/2019 14:56

You say we're not doing it anymore
He says he'll just do one more month... this is the man who left your kids without their day out for a horse.

scotsllb · 23/12/2019 16:15

One more month of paying will simply turn into more months of paying.
What an incredibly selfish woman your mil is to take money from her sons family (when you and are daughter are disabled and have extra needs in the first place).
I'm sorry you really are going to have to go out your comfort zone and stand firm together with NO.
Take your car back if necessary, the only way to have these people treat your with respect is to demand it. Don't go into 2020 with any more of her bullying and demands

NotYourTypicalNerd · 23/12/2019 16:35

This sounds bonkers!

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 23/12/2019 16:38

One more month of paying will simply turn into more months of paying

THIS ^

You need to stop this NOW,

BumbleBeee69 · 23/12/2019 16:41

I'm actually struggling to buy this ... I really am..

apacketofcrisps · 23/12/2019 16:42

Don’t pay January are you mental? Is your husband always this much of a pathetic wet wipe?

Decidewhattobeandgobeit · 23/12/2019 16:49

I think your DN found this thread and voted YABU. Of course you’re not unreasonable why you are paying for it at all is beyond me?

Raindancer411 · 23/12/2019 17:20

I have skim read the replies so excuse me if I repeat someone, but why didn't she just 'loan' a horse?? The costs are shared with the other owners.

To be honest the DN is in a way loaning they horse so should be going halves.

Do not pay her another penny. It was her idea and what will you do if the horse gets colic and you get a vet bill for 10k (depending on her leave of cover the insurance may not cover all vet costs)

PineappleDanish · 23/12/2019 17:29

She expects us to pay horse insurance for the horse, when she first got him we told her we wouldn’t be paying every month just as and when we could afford it

Well there's your problem! Her horse, she pays. You don't pay "as and when" for something which is not yours. We don't pay MIL's car insurance or shopping bills, because it's nothing to do with us. Just like Dobbin is nothing to do with yours. To be fair to my MIL though it wouldn't even cross her mind to ask or expect us to pay towards her expense.

Is the word "no" not in your vocabulary?

cstaff · 23/12/2019 17:47

Oh my God OP. I know you didn't intend for this to be a funny thread but this has made me laugh more than some of the intended comedy threads.

As for your MIL, you and your dp need to learn how to say no. I know you said you were going to pay for January but please don't. Apart from anything else January is usually the worst month from a financial point of view. Regarding the car either sell up or at least make sure that she takes you to your appointments in exchange for her use of the car but make this very clear to her. Otherwise she will continue to take the piss.

strawberry2017 · 23/12/2019 18:04

I'm so confused this has to be a reverse! Who the hell pays for someone else's horse that they can't and don't use?
Why on Earth are you paying January's payment?
Her horse insurance is almost as much as my mortgage. Sounds like the horse needs selling and you and DH need to grow a back bone and say no!
Utterly ridiculous!

Tombliwho · 23/12/2019 18:11

Why would you pay for january? you and your husband need to find your back bones and tell her no. This is one of the most batshit MIL threads I've ever seen on here.

SouthernComforts · 23/12/2019 18:28

Wtf? This is next level mug behaviour.

Raphael34 · 23/12/2019 18:43

I can’t believe people like you even exist. Don’t even pay for January. Stop being so pathetic!

Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed · 23/12/2019 18:58

Where i grew up i used to frequently see people ride horses to the cornershop, im not
Joking! yanbu though ask when she complains next time. Where the coal glue factory is 👺

windycuntryside · 23/12/2019 19:31

This is one of the oddest threads I have read on MN. Truly day light robbery, if bil got cut off for not paying. STOP PAYING with luck you will be cut off too.
She can rider her cock horse to the shops, to see a silly woman who is neither silly or able to ride, oh how I laugh when she pays for my car and horse.

windycuntryside · 23/12/2019 19:32

They are laughing themselves stupid at your open purse, stand up for yourself, you are teaching your children to be doormats.

Wallywobbles · 23/12/2019 19:37

You have a really strange family dynamic

ElizabethMountbatten · 23/12/2019 19:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

diddl · 23/12/2019 19:57

"'m actually struggling to buy this ... I really am..."

S'okay, ask Op to help out...

billybagpuss · 23/12/2019 20:28

She can’t afford a horse, she gets moody because she needs your insurance money to be able to afford the horse, and if she’s saying she’s behind on bills too that’s the proof. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, the horse needs to be sold or DN needs to step up.

Cut off the insurance premiums, tell her you can’t afford it and that your dd has missed out because of it. She is very unlikely to cut you off like she did bil as she likes using your car and if she does I’m sure a taxi every now and then is a damn sight cheaper than insurance for the bloody horse, and if it’s anything like dog insurance it goes up disproportionately every year anyway and will become cost prohibitive.

Good luck

PrettyPurse · 23/12/2019 20:41

@diddl

"'m actually struggling to buy this ... I really am..."

S'okay, ask Op to help out...

nimski · 23/12/2019 20:53

This is INSANE!
Do NOT pay for January- or anything ever again!!

WingingItSince1973 · 23/12/2019 20:53

Sorry if you've answered this but how much is she expecting a month for insurance? I had 4 horses at one point and never ever dreamed of asking anyone for money for them. Including my little nieces who came to ride them now and again. Please extract yourself from this farce and let MIL and DN pay for this horse as they they only ones benefitting from it x

Giraffey1 · 23/12/2019 20:57

Still makes no sense. You didn’t want a horse, don’t ride the horse, it’s not your horse ... so why did you ever agree to pay anything towards it?
Complete nonsense. Stop paying. Now.

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