To think I did nothing wrong and he is batshit?

[Lemononachair]

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

Went to a Christmas party, at the weekend so no work the next day (me or housemate). Bf picked me up and gave me a lift home. It wasn't overly late at this point, maybe 10:30/11 at the latest. I'd had a few drinks but was not drunk or being overly loud.

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop. We separate, I get up, both apologise and then carry on with our evening.

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments. This is completely untrue and I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Aibu and was my behaviour out of order or is he just batshit and obviously has it in for me?

Yes he is batshit. But coupley behaviour in a shared house can make others feel uncomfortable. Just don't touch each other outside your room. Or move out

I think if you live in a shared house and your boyfriend is horizontal on the sofa and asks you to sit on his lap then that is inappropriate yes. Why did he ask you to sit on his lap? How old are you all? Where would you normally have sat? yes, that seems odd and inappropriate.

Having said that, it does sound as though you're not getting on at all with your housemate and I wonder why you don't move out and share with someone more compatible. I'm assuming you're not at the stage of buying your own property yet.

He's got issues. But there's no need to sit on your bfs lap in a communal space. Just explain to landlord what happened, don't sit on bf again.

I read it as there was nobody else in the room when they were on the sofa together, assuming everyone else was in bed no doubt. It’s not that strange to squeeze on to a sofa with your boyfriend is it?

He was over the top, but when you live in a shared house PDA should be strictly in the bedroom only.

Or tell the ll exactly what flatmate is doing all bullying in detail

I am desperately looking for a new place at the moment but everything available is too big and expensive or too far away to commute. Bf and I are actually now looking for a place that we could potentially rent together but tbh I'd take almost anything that would ensure I don't have to put up with this twat anymore.

Yes, everyone else was in bed, doors closed, we assumed turned in for the night. Not that we were planning on doing anything in the communal space anyway, just waiting to make tea to take into my room. There was no other touching, we were not groping or kissing etc.

We did immediately stop, separate and apologise but tbh I don't even think what we were doing was unacceptable in a public space. There was less body contact than if we were just hugging. Obviously I won't be doing it again either way!

It’s not that strange to squeeze on to a sofa with your boyfriend is it?

Not at all, what is strange though is sitting on your boyfriend's lap while he is laid down on the sofa.

I think you were a little bit unreasonable, yes. I think his reaction was OTT though.

I think part of what's got me really annoyed was the absurd exaggeration that I was 'dry humping' him on the sofa. What actually happened was not even close.

How did he know what you were doing if his door was shut

That was inappropriate in front of your housemate. It would make me feel uncomfortable.

He sounds like a complete Bellend. Yanbu.

Oh for god sake. Sitting on your partners lap is not a bad thing. She was in her home yes the communal space but she pays to have access. She was waiting for a cup of tea. There is nothing wrong with a kiss and cuddle so sick of people saying that its wrong.

Its not at all clear where the flatmate was when you were lying next to your boyfriend.

Was he in the room or did he walk in on you?

To be honest, either is inappropriate in a communal area but then again, he does sound batshit.

Is this the latest in a long line of disagreements or conflicts youve had?

@sparepantsandtoothbrush exactly. His room is directly off the living room so literally the second he walked out of his room he was complaining. Almost as if he had come out of his room specifically to complain at me about something - he didn't even 'do' anything in the shared space, just walked out and then went back in again.

@KnifeAngel but it wasn't in front of him. He was in his room with the door shut. He 'walked in' on us.

I’m racking my brains to think how it’s inappropriate to sit on your boyfriend’s lap in an empty room when you think the rest of the house is asleep but I can’t see how...sure it’d be annoying to be continually walking in on snogging sessions etc but that’s not what’s happening here.

Yes, it was inappropriate. So your boyfriend asked you to sit on his lap and you did, while he was laying down on the sofa, and you did? Why? Why on earth not just say 'budge up and I'll sit next to you'. Of course that would make someone in the room feel uncomfortable - you were basically 'perched' on his nob!

Sorry, just seen ‘flatmate stormed out of his room’

What made him ‘storm out’ - were you being loud? Chatting? Laughing? How did he know you were there if he was in his room and you were silent? Could he be jealous?

I think you might be better off finding some where new to live.

How did your flatmate know that you were sitting on your boyfriend's lap unless he was watching you via a camera. I'd search all communal areas and your bedroom for a hidden spy cam. I'd also mention to the letting agency that you suspect he's put spy cams in. Put the heat on him and even if he hasn't let other people see how batshit crazy he is. He'll have to have a pretty good explanation as to why he knew you sat on your bf's lap when the door was closed. Ask him with your bf in front of all of your housemates.

How did he know what you were doing if his door was shut

I wondered this, too. If, as you say, everyone was in their room, is he waiting for you in order to have a go? And I don't see what was wrong about what you did, if no one else was there.

All of this is a bit bizarre. I can’t imagine my DP asking me to sit on his lap 😂. You do have to be more aware as you share a home and surely you know at any point someone could walk through, to grab a glass of water or something. Save it for your bedroom or for when you have your own place.

I'm really not sure how it is either @Michaelbaubles. The only time we ever touch in the communal areas normally is when we hug and kiss at the door when saying goodbye. That's it.

I think we've had 2 meals in the communal dining room since I've met him, normally we just eat/hang out/watch tv in my room. We barely use the shared space.

@NightsOfCabiria yes it is the latest in a long time of comments he has made.

@StepAwayFromGoogle, he wasn't in the room. He was in HIS room, with the door shut.

We were talking, but only quietly and waiting for the kettle to boil. I had literally just sat down when he walked out so maybe he heard bf ask me to sit on him? The timing would seem to fit with that.

I don't think it's jealousy, he has a gf god knows why

@NightsOfCabiria OP wasnt lying next to him, she was sat on his lap, and her housemate stormed out of his room to have a go at her, not just walking in on them