To think I did nothing wrong and he is batshit?

[Lemononachair]

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

Went to a Christmas party, at the weekend so no work the next day (me or housemate). Bf picked me up and gave me a lift home. It wasn't overly late at this point, maybe 10:30/11 at the latest. I'd had a few drinks but was not drunk or being overly loud.

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop. We separate, I get up, both apologise and then carry on with our evening.

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments. This is completely untrue and I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Aibu and was my behaviour out of order or is he just batshit and obviously has it in for me?

How the hell did he know what you were doing? He was in another room, either you were slightly louder than you believe or he can see into the shared space. He's bats**t imo.

@Lemononachair - You're being bullied by a batshit man; and you've now put yourself in the way of a slew of bullies on this thread. History repeats itself - and the best way to deal with this is to change how you respond.

You don't need to defend yourself, you just need to get the hell out of dodge. Sorted.

@Vanhi

Maybe it's an age thing, I wouldn't care unless his bare naked ass was the sofa.

She wasn't grinding on his crotch, she wasn't dry humping him, okay boomers, so let's all calm down ey. Sexual revolution was 50 years ago, did it miss some of you by?

Jesus Christ vipers, did you all last houseshare in Victorian times?

OP, you're not doing anything wrong. Your housemate is a dick. You can't change him though, so I think you should think about moving.

Maybe it's an age thing, I wouldn't care unless his bare naked ass was the sofa.

okay boomers, so let's all calm down ey. Sexual revolution was 50 years ago, did it miss some of you by? Well I can see ageism didn’t pass you by.

Is his name David by any chance? Sounds like a psycho I had to share a house with years ago, used to boss me about Re the housework as I was the only female. Tell him to fuck off.

I've had to share houses with couples who were inconsiderate and had PDAs and it does make people feel really uncomfortable. I don't think he was being unreasonable. It's his home and your boyfriend doesn't live there or pay rent.

Flatmate is very unreasonable. Is he jealous?

Your housemate sounds a bit sexually frustrated to me. And possibly jealous of anyone getting any attention ever.
I’m sorry, OP - good luck finding another place very soon.

As a PP pointed out the flatmate is abusing you with his unreasonable demands.
What , other than petulance, can he do to you if you disobey his 'rules'?

Try not to let his unreasonableness affect your behaviour. You pay rent to the landlord the same as he does and its not your fault that he has the room off the shared space.
Live your life with no regard for this idiot oher than the normal communal living courtesy you would accord anyone .

I think if everyone’s in their bedrooms it’s not AIBU to be hugging or kissing in the communal space Let alone sitting on someone’s lap! Like you say you were very considerate possibly too considerate when he stormed in.
I would stop apologising, if he’s says he will speak to landlord I would be either roll my eyes or say that you are also going to speak to landlord about his unreasonable bullying behaviour. Hopefully he will back off.
You’ve much right as him to be using the space.
No one is going to realise you’re being thoughtful, Turn the lights on at 6 if you need to it’s your home.
Hope you find a new place soon.

Crikey, a female housemate sitting on her boyfriend's lap on the settee is nothing.

Last time I shared, a housemate got drunk and confessed that she'd shagged her current boyfriend on top of the cooker while we were out. Wonder how your housemate would cope with that!

You need to talk to the Landlord about his unreasonable behaviour. It is not acceptable that he is treating you this way and it sounds like he can't cope in a houseshare. Sounds like you were clowning around to me.

I could repeat what everyone else is saying but bottom line: you need to move out and maybe consider living with your bf.

If you are staying: this dude doesn't like you, this is not working and you need to put your concerns in writing to your landlord making it clear this guy is the reason you're thinking of moving because at least then your landlord will understand why he can't keep his tenants.

Also: you're an adult. I know confrontation isn't fun but it's time you practiced the art of standing up for yourself. Take this guy to one side and over coffee set him straight. Then list all the issues YOU have with HIM.

He needs to understand he is not the landlord and it is not up to him to set house rules and regulations, that he can tell the landlord whatever he likes but you will set your landlord straight and have done so already (so talk to this dude AFTER you have emailed your complaint).

Make it clear you regard him as a bully and whilst you're happy to consider others in the house, their lives are not more important than yours and if he is so concerned with having his own way, maybe he should live on his own and stop making the other house mates lives a misery because enough is enough.

No more PDA on your part though, a kiss is one thing but I can see why he hit the roof.

1. The landlord doesn't give a monkey's as long as rent is paid on time and no damage done to his property. It is nothing to do with him, it's pathetic to try to involve him - HE DOES NOT CARE, IT IS NOT HIS PROBLEM.

1. PDAs are completely acceptable, even if there is someone in the communal living space and particularly if there is no-one around.

1. Move out as soon as you can, OP, you're living with a self-entitled bully. Not worth the hassle.

Have I misunderstood? I thought other housemate was in his bedroom so how can sitting on OP boyfriends lap make him feel uncomfortable?

he obviously fancies you like mad so is jealous of BF.. he has installed cameras EVERY where to stalk you !!
it’s obvious .

Just tell him that whilst you're paying rent, it is your home and you'll cook when you want and you'll use the washing machine when you want and shower when you want.

And he is to mind his own business.

Stop letting him tell you what to do.

I hate PDAs but I see nothing wrong with what you did and I’ve lived in plenty of house shares.

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

OMG I thought you were a fellow flat sharer talking about the same flat sharer as me! But we don't have a sitting room only a bedroom each so can't be. Ours is getting worse and worse but at least we laugh about it.

Ours have left a note to say we are not to cook early morning and late at night but he can go into the kitchen and cook whenever he likes. Seriously!!!

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments

Basically he just wants sex! I think our house troll does too but none of the rest of us want to 'take one for the team'.

I wouldn't waste the LL's Time with it, unless the LL actually asks you about it. They won't be interested, won't want to get involved and would probably think that you need to sort out your own problems - unless you're giving notice, in which case just suggest that they rent to a man....

Meanwhile, ignore the twit, tell him to chill, stop appeasing him, stop crying. He's far more likely to move on himself if you just tell him to grow up an don't cave every time. You have as much right to live your life as he does, so tell him.

Find somewhere else to live .. and keep PDA where it should be.. in the bedroom!

Well if it's in the bedroom it's not PDA 😂 I do get what you mean though.

I'm not going to mention it to the LL unless he mentions it to me, I don't see any reason to bring it up unless the guy has actually talked to him and he feels strongly enough to say something about it, which I really doubt anyway.

I think my best bet is to just calmly and rationally state my case and say that I didn't feel I was doing anything wrong as we weren't being overly inappropriate in the public space and no one was in the room at the time. In any case, we won't be doing it again and instead shall keep any affection out of sight of others.

However, I will be informing the LL and the housemate (nicely) that until such time as I move out I am entitled to use the house and it's facilities and as long as I'm not being unreasonable and inconsiderate in doing so. That includes using the kitchen and bathroom at times that are convenient to me and not the housemate.

Then get the hell out of there ASAP!