To think I did nothing wrong and he is batshit?

[Lemononachair]

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

Went to a Christmas party, at the weekend so no work the next day (me or housemate). Bf picked me up and gave me a lift home. It wasn't overly late at this point, maybe 10:30/11 at the latest. I'd had a few drinks but was not drunk or being overly loud.

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop. We separate, I get up, both apologise and then carry on with our evening.

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments. This is completely untrue and I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Aibu and was my behaviour out of order or is he just batshit and obviously has it in for me?

Your housemate is an arsehole and will continue being an arsehole til you leave. Don't engage, and stop apologising to him; just stare dead-eyed and leave the room every time he starts.

That was inappropriate in front of your housemate. It would make me feel uncomfortable

Of course that would make someone in the room feel uncomfortable

They weren’t “in front” of the housemate. The OP clearly states he stormed out of his room to confront them.

Your boyfriend antagonised the situation. It’s a house share after all

My son had a room off the living room in a shared house - it was AMAZING how noisy people could be sometimes thinking they were 'being quiet' when they came in after a night out. He got sick of asking them to keep it down (he worked and had early starts, most of them were students and came in late).

Any chance that you were being louder than you thought and this was just the thin end of the wedge for him? That he's trying to stop people using the communal area in the evenings because it's noisy in his room?

Actually, he sounds like a right complaining knob who will turn out to be the Neighbour From Hell for everyone he lives next to, but just thought I'd play Devil's Advocate for a moment because I remember how badly my son was impacted by his 'bedroom' off the living room.

What prompted the housemate to storm out of his room? Presumably he couldn’t see what you were doing?

I have to say-sitting in someone’s lap whilst they are lying down sounds odd and rather uncomfortable to me, but if there was no one else in the room, the fair play.

I think it sounds like this house share isn’t working!!

Normal displays of non-sexual affection are just that: normal. If someone has a problem with touching, hugs, one person sitting on another person’s lap (again without sexual touching) then they are the ones with the problem. I wouldn’t commit to only touching my partner in a particular room so as not to offend their (weird) sensibilities. No way.

Taking at face value that you were as quiet as you say (and you really weren't very late) he sounds like he has been house sharing for far too long and is getting sick of having other people around but either likes or can only afford the cheaper living costs this entails. Reminds me of one bloke an ex shared with who assumed the 'house manager' role a propos of nothing and moaned to the LL about every little thing, making life thoroughly unpleasant for the others.

The only solution is to move out as he won't change.

Don't be too disheartened about the lack of rooms online, before Christmas is a pretty quiet time and hopefully the availability should pick back up in the new year.

I wouldn't be worried about your housemates threat to tell your landlord. He/she wont give a shit and will probably be more pissed off at your housemate for bothering them with it.

That said, I would be more respectful of others in a shared house. Not saying you did anything wrong but I can understand it might make others feel uncomfortable x

It sounds as if he was looking for something to complain about. Yes, if you had sat on your boyfriend’s lap when he was in the room, that would not have been polite. However, at that time of night, I would (like you Lemononachair), have assumed housemate was in bed. Housemate sounds a bit of a bully. You get up and leave the house in the dark. He goes round setting rules for you. The dry humping accusation is really unpleasant, deliberately designed to exaggerate what was happening.
I’d be surprised if he did complain to the landlord. I don’t think any landlord would feel it was their responsibility. I think he just wants to make you feel uncomfortable.

@Zaphodsotherhead I do understand that the noise from the communal area is probably louder in his room than in mine and I do try as hard as possible to keep noise and disturbance to a minimum because of this. Like I said, I very rarely even use the shared space, I specifically got a coffee machine for my room so I wouldn't wake anyone super early using the kettle. I don't turn the lights on and walk through the house in the dark when I leave. I won't use the microwave early in the morning or late at night.

I work early starts so I very very rarely go out. Think I've been out once since I've lived there so this isn't a regular occurrence at all.

It really is at the point where I hate living here now. I feel so uncomfortable every time I leave my room unless I know he's out, I have to grab my washing/cook etc as quick as possible so I can be safely behind my closed door again. I'm starving hungry right now but I feel I can't go out there until he's gone because I just can't deal with any more ridiculous minuscule complaints and my bf isn't here to stick up for me now

Just go get something to eat and if he starts on you call him out about it or just tell him to f off and pick on someone else

Definitely check for cameras, trace wires back from all the plug sockets and have a good look for battery operated ones. He must have been watching to come out at that exact moment.

Houseshares are hard. They require a lot of compromise and flexibility. Your flatmate is particularly bad at it and i dont think youll ever be happy with this one. He hates you

Maybe he wanted to dry hump your bf lol
Nah the guy sounds like an arse do your best to find somewhere else and next time he says anything call him out on stuff he does.

If I came home at 11pm and everyone was in bed there is no way I'd be in the room right outside their bedroom door boiling a kettle and messing about. Really, put yourself in his shoes, you are in bed and you hear a couple, right outside your bedroom door, and the man is clearly saying come and sit on my lap.

Do house shares not generally show each other any consideration? No wonder he feels the need to make up rules if basic manners are lacking in the house!

He sounds waaaay to precious to live in a house share!! Christ he'd have gone up in smoke at some of the ones I've lived in 😂

Every houseshare ive lived in, weve all ended up hating each other tbf.

You had a few to drink, so did your boyfriend I expect. People who've had a few are much louder than they think they are.

He clearly heard sounds he thought meant you were making out or about to.

It sounds like you have different expectation of communal behaviour so moving out is the best decision. Whether he was unreasonable depends on what really happened.

I used to hate having a bedroom off the living room. Even when people were whispering I could hear.
He walks out of his room, sees you two like that and of course, anyone would think you were dry humping. I would have gone back into my room as well, waiting for you both to sort yourselves out. Then when you both left I would have come back out to do what I was going to do.

Haha NameStranger mine too! I have had some brilliant house shares over the years to be honest but everyone has to be in accord with expectations re noise and compromise. Some are a lot more relaxed than others but there have always been occasional 'words' about these things. Sadly there's usually no real way of knowing until you move in.

Your mistake was agreeing to his demands in the first place. "I don't think so" would have done!

But to be honest if it's only his room off the communal area I can see why he's so angry about the noise. He should move if he doesn't like it though, not just you!

It would be a bit annoying if he was in the shared space and you came in and got all couply around him but if he was in his room what's the problem? How did he even know what you were doing from behind his closed door?

@Lemononachair - you do, but does everyone else in the house show such understanding? He may be sick of the other housemates and you just got the brunt of it because you were there?

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop.

If the housemate stormed out of his room, he had been riled by something he heard in his room.

What had he heard OP? Since you don't mention the noises you were both making whilst innocently sitting on your boyfriend's crotch.

As much as your housemate sounds like an asshole for complaining to the landlord and storming out and generally making up rules it was a communal space and from the sounds of things it might have looked like you were doing what the housemate accused you off.