Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I did nothing wrong and he is batshit?

184 replies

Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 08:29

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

Went to a Christmas party, at the weekend so no work the next day (me or housemate). Bf picked me up and gave me a lift home. It wasn't overly late at this point, maybe 10:30/11 at the latest. I'd had a few drinks but was not drunk or being overly loud.

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop. We separate, I get up, both apologise and then carry on with our evening.

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments. This is completely untrue and I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Aibu and was my behaviour out of order or is he just batshit and obviously has it in for me?

OP posts:
averythinline · 23/12/2019 10:19

you need to stop grabbing your stuff and running away.... you are being to submissive... its not up to him - you are equally of a right to be there.... I'd have laughed at him or said something like fat chance mate with you standing at your door....

yes he probably is a fuckwit - but what if he does complain to the landlord so what......complain about him first.....harrassing you - keep a diary

you need to get more assertive -look up how to deal with bullies as thats what hes doing..... scurrying is not an adult way to behave...

dont rush into sharing with your BF if you are not at the stage where you could be ........ what if your BF started bossing you around/bullying you...

you need to get able to manage your boundaries and assertiveness....

Wattagoose90 · 23/12/2019 10:21

I think I'd stop being so considerate and give him something to actually complain about if he's going to be like that.

FrangipaniBlue · 23/12/2019 10:23

I shall henceforth tell DH that I will no longer sit on his lap on the sofa as we're just far too old, what with no longer being teenagers anymore, and that this kind of behaviour is just far too lewd and will scar DS for life.

FML just when you think you've read it all on MN Hmm

ActualHornist · 23/12/2019 10:24

How do you not just tell him to fuck off?!

Two can play at that game. Counter his ‘I’m going to tell the landlord you were dry-humping’ with ‘I’m going to tell the landlord you treat the communal areas like you’re own personal space so maybe you should pay more rent for exclusive use. Or make something up.

Dickhead.

Wilmalovescake · 23/12/2019 10:25

Just get out as soon as you can.
Where does your BF live?

RhinoskinhaveI · 23/12/2019 10:31

so his technique here is to make you so angry and embarrassed that you're too triggered too riled up to make a calm adult response and that's how he 'wins' that round
a good counter move might be to be very calm and matter of fact and just explain that you and your boyfriend were not dry humping or simulating sex in anyway but you're sorry if what you were doing made him feel uncomfortable, just be really calm and matter-of-fact and don't rise to his provocations
ultimately he sounds like an asshole though so it'd be better not to be living with him!

CoffeeCoinnesseur · 23/12/2019 10:32

If you were being as quiet as you thought, then the housemate shouldn't have even been able to hear your bf asking you to "sit on his lap".

You were obviously making enough noise for him to hear, and to hear exactly what you were doing.

You and your boyfriend need to get your own place.

If there's one thing guaranteed to wind up your fellow housemates in a house share it's one tenant constantly having their bf/gf over.

Ponoka7 · 23/12/2019 10:35

"I just can't deal with any more ridiculous minuscule complaints and my bf isn't here to stick up for me now"

How much has your BF been getting involved and arguing with him?

Having a third party get involved would piss anyone off. If you are in the right then you should be able to counteract any points he throws at you.

It's fine for you to make normal noise when coming in late, but not make noise with a guest. Ideally your BF should have gone to your room and you go in with the tea.

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 10:51

How many times a week does he stay over?

ReanimatedSGB · 23/12/2019 10:51

Look, this housemate is a creepy, petty bully. He was waiting to hear OP just so he could come out and have a go.
While you're waiting to move, OP, don't engage with this dickspalsh any more, just roll your eyes and wander off when he starts having a go. He is not your employer or your parent, nor is he your landlord.

Vanhi · 23/12/2019 10:52

I'd also mention to the letting agency that you suspect he's put spy cams in. Put the heat on him and even if he hasn't let other people see how batshit crazy he is. He'll have to have a pretty good explanation as to why he knew you sat on your bf's lap when the door was closed. Ask him with your bf in front of all of your housemates.

The housemate's room is adjacent to the living room. His door opens into it, according to the OP. So which is more likely, that the OP isn't as quiet as she thinks she is and that the housemate heard the BF's request to sit on his lap, or that the housemate is wiring up secret cameras? Because if you go to a letting agent with a request to check for cameras they are quite likely to think you are the batshit one.

This is definitely one of those where I would love to hear what the other side thinks. Boyfriend is not paying rent there but will happily take up the whole sofa and then request that his girlfriend sits on his lap? My DP and I are affectionate with each other but like hell would we do something like that with other people in the house.

And yes, OP. You need to assert yourself rather than have your boyfriend, who doesn't live there, do it for you. There's a certain amount of noise you have to tolerate in shared space but I rather suspect your boyfriend enjoys winding your housemate up.

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 10:56

How is he creepy? He was in his room and something disturbed him so opened the door to see what he saw. They knew he has to walk through the living room to get to anywhere else, yet decided to do this whilst waiting for the kettle to boil.
Anyone would be pissed off to see something that looks like dry humping in a communal area.

Strugglingtodomybest · 23/12/2019 11:00

@FrangipaniBlue exactly what I was thinking.

What memo have I missed? Since when was there anything wrong with sitting on someone's lap in front of other people?

DarlingNikita · 23/12/2019 11:02

He's batshit and needs to get a life/grip. Tell him so. It does sound like he came out of his room specifically to have a go at you.

Those on here giving the OP a hard time about 'PDA's, asserting that she was doing it 'in front of' the housemate, that her boyfriend 'antagonised the situation' and they were 'messing about' etc need to give their heads a wobble.

strawberrieshortcake · 23/12/2019 11:03

@Vanhi exactly what I was going to say. OP you were probably being a little louder than you want to admit and it is way more likely he was disturbed by the noises you and your BF were mailing and came out of his room to complain than that he was watching spy cam footage (?) of the communal area.

If I were you I would just be looking for a new place to live.

Ticklemeelmo · 23/12/2019 11:08

He sounds like a total cock

I wouldn't apologise or try to make any kind of conversation with this guy, just focus on moving out

Vanhi · 23/12/2019 11:08

What memo have I missed? Since when was there anything wrong with sitting on someone's lap in front of other people?

According to the OP the bf was 'laid down' on the sofa. Personally I think there's something quite intimate about sitting on someone's lap whilst they are lying down. It's a bit different if you're in the pub, there are no more seats left and you decide to sit on your bf's knee. Sitting on his thighs while he's laying down is fairly intimate IMO.

SquareAsABlock · 23/12/2019 11:12

You've posted about this housing situation before, haven't you?

Regardless, whilst he does sound unreasonable, I also once had a house share where my bedroom was off the living room. People do not appreciate how bloody loud they can be in the communal space in this situation. I ended up having a major barney with my coinhabitants due to them not getting how loud they could be (especially after a couple of drinks), but I was the one who moved out in that instance. Your housemate was probably already irritated, and jumped on the PDA as a way to have a proper go.

Jellybeansincognito · 23/12/2019 11:14

Your behaviour with your boyfriend wasn’t considerate to others- this alone makes me think you’re not very aware of your behaviour to be honest?

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 11:15

What memo have I missed? Since when was there anything wrong with sitting on someone's lap in front of other people?

I've clearly missed the memo that says you can sit on someone when it looks like you are dry humping.
To anyone walking in and seeing a guy laid on the sofa, with his partner sitting on his crotch it will look like dry humping. If you don't want to get upset about the accusation, then don't do it in communal areas.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 23/12/2019 11:18

He sounds batshit and I would frankly ignore him at this point while looking for new housing.

Butterflyflower1234 · 23/12/2019 11:28

I personally think YABU. You rent a room, not your boyfriend. I assume your BF is not on the tenancy agreement and it's likely you're not supposed to have other people over.

You're playing innocent here but I don't buy it. Clearly your housemate heard noises which likely woke him up and he was annoyed as hell.

You sound very inconsiderate. If you want to be sat on your boyfriend then I suggest you do it in your bedroom rather than a communal area.

TooMuch87 · 23/12/2019 11:30

Just FYI - you weren’t ‘sitting on his lap’ if he was lying down. It’s only his ‘lap’ if he’s in a seated position himself. You were actually sitting on his crotch. It’s not appropriate behaviour in a communal area and I’d feel very uncomfortable walking in on that.

Pilipilihoho · 23/12/2019 11:31

You were being a lot louder than you think, OP - it's usually the case when you've had a few, even if you aren't drunk. Find somewhere else to live ASAP.

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 11:31

I normally don't go looking at previous posts.

I don't think you're being as considerate as what you are saying on this thread. Afterall you did want to put up decorations without bothering to ask the other housemates.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread