Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I did nothing wrong and he is batshit?

184 replies

Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 08:29

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

Went to a Christmas party, at the weekend so no work the next day (me or housemate). Bf picked me up and gave me a lift home. It wasn't overly late at this point, maybe 10:30/11 at the latest. I'd had a few drinks but was not drunk or being overly loud.

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop. We separate, I get up, both apologise and then carry on with our evening.

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments. This is completely untrue and I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Aibu and was my behaviour out of order or is he just batshit and obviously has it in for me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 11:34

He wasn't asleep. He was in his room, with the lights on, watching tv.

We weren't being loud. Ok, not whispering but just normal talking volume not shouting or being raucous. Bf doesn't drink for medical reasons and was driving.

There was no part of what we were doing that looked liked dry humping, that genuinely is a big exaggeration on his part. I wasn't straddling, I was just barely perched on him sideways and had only just sat down so there was no bouncing, grinding or any kind of suggestive movement at all! Maybe I was being a little loud and giggly but nothing over the top.

Everyone's rooms are off the communal living area it's just that mine has a bathroom in between as a buffer but I can still hear noise from that area. I just know that living in a shared house means you have to put up with a certain amount of stuff you'd rather not, within reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 11:37

@ffswhatnext yes I wanted to. But then I didn't.

OP posts:
Celebelly · 23/12/2019 11:40

Christ she was perched on his lap, not riding him bareback and having a screaming orgasm Hmm

Jane2357 · 23/12/2019 11:49

This person does not understand that she/he is living in a shared space. He/she is unlikely to change. Move out. Life is too short.

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 11:50

You don't need to straddle to dry hump. You can sit sideways to dry hump just in the same way you can sit sideways to fuck. It doesn't matter if you were grinding or whatever, he walked out and saw what appeared to be dry humping.,

So now you've gone from being quiet and considerate to normal and giggly.

Yes, it's true you do have to put up with some things. But not to walk in and see that.

Seeing as your room is also off the living room, he could have walked a couple of extra steps to your room whilst the kettle was boiling and spread out on the bed.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 23/12/2019 11:58

Assuming you are right that the house mate has it in for you, then I'd say the clue is in the last paragraph of your OP.

I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Some people get off on being jumped up little dictators. When they find a nice doormat, they let rip, indulge in their petty power games and feel goooood.

That's why your non-doormat housemate doesn't get the jumped up twat treatment while you do.

In future houseshares be reasonably considerate. Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 12:01

@ffswhatnext maybe I was being giggly. Possibly. I don't think I was as we had only just walked in, there was no time for any raucous, noisy, antisocial behaviour. I don't remember the exact specifics of our conversation in the 10 seconds leading up to that moment but it's possibly that I may have giggled a bit and that is really the only thing that may have alerted him to our presence - that and the kettle going on.

FWIW this is the same guy that would dictate when the hot water would come on and therefor when I could have a shower - I was not allowed to touch the thermostat and I would be questioned about it daily to see if I had touched it.

Same guy that tells me when I'm allowed to cook in the kitchen or use the washing machine.

Same guy that took a dirty knife he believed was mine (it wasn't) out of the sink and put it on top of my fridge for me to wash.

Same guy who took clean clothes that were sat on the (one of 4) sofas waiting to be taken to the charity shop and threw them on the floor in front of my door.

Same guy who purposely moves the WiFi router to a place where he knows the signal won't reach my room, so I have no internet signal.

I could go on. I've had enough of his shit and no, he doesn't treat anyone else like this.

OP posts:
midep · 23/12/2019 12:02

What's this? You wanted to put up decorations? You selfish bugger!

MakeItRain · 23/12/2019 12:04

Yes it does seem you've gone from considerate and quiet to a little loud and giggly sitting on your partner who's lying on the sofa. You say you don't want to leave your room today, I expect that's exactly how he felt last night.

Maybe there have been a few things and he's irritated. I remember sharing with a friend whose boyfriend often used to stay over. I didn't say much but it would irritate me because it made me feel uncomfortable in what was supposed to be my home, to have her dp around the place. They weren't even particularly noisy either.

I think it's a hazard of houseshares though, and you get to a point where you need to live alone or with a partner rather than strangers or friends.
Hopefully you'll find somewhere in the new year and be away from it all. Try not to feel stuck in your room today, but head out and get yourself whatever you need/want.

MakeItRain · 23/12/2019 12:05

Oh having read your last post, then I definitely hope you find somewhere else to live soon 😬Flowers

Milquetoaster · 23/12/2019 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 12:06

@midep I know, right! I am Satan incarnate Hmm And apparently the most inconsiderate housemate he has ever lived with.

I actually went into my room and burst into tears after his latest onslaught.

Bf has never confronted him by the way. He was merely present when he went off on one at me and answered in a completely calm, reasonable way. He actually massively diffused the situation, as I was getting upset. He apologised profusely and assured him it wouldn't happen again. Then comforted me after as I cried. He is amazing.

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 23/12/2019 12:06

Why can’t you see that it was unreasonable to be sat like that whilst in a communal area?

Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 12:09

Because I don't believe that sitting on someone's lap fully clothed is a hanging offence or too obscene to be done in public. I'm not massively into PDA as a rule, but there was no one else in the room and I genuinely did not think anyone would be offended or outraged if they did happen to see it.

OP posts:
NorthernLightsInWinter · 23/12/2019 12:12

He's a massive bully and I hope you're keeping a log.

Vanhi · 23/12/2019 12:12

I think you just need to move OP. As this thread demonstrates, there's quite a difference in what people consider OK in communal situations. I wouldn't GAF if you wanted to decorate the communal areas. I would object to your partner lying on the sofa whilst you sat on his lap. Move somewhere where people are more in tune with you. But I would reiterate what pp have said - don't be a doormat, but at the same time do bear in mind that partners/ bfs/ gfs who are often present but not paying rent can be one of the greatest annoyances in houseshares.

Daisydoola · 23/12/2019 12:17

Loads and loads of people are replying to say it was inappropriate to sit on his lap while he was lying down with his hands behind his head.

I agree with them all, not appropriate behaviour in a shared room.

Find somewhere to live without randoms if you can't see it wasn't on.

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 12:17

I wouldn't want a pile of clothes on the sofa either. Why couldn't they have stayed in your room until you took them to the charity shop?

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 12:21

@midep
Yes when someone wants to put decorations up in a communal area without giving a shit about the other people, you are being inconsiderate.

RogersVideo · 23/12/2019 12:22

Your housemate is bullying you. I think you either need to move out, or say "fuck him." He cannot determine when you cook or have hot water. He is not boss of the house, you pay to live there just the same as him. Stop tiptoeing around him. Stop apologising when you haven't done anything wrong. I wonder if he treats you like this and not the others because you let him and they don't.

I wouldn't have blinked an eye at you perched on your boyfriends lap when I lived in houseshares btw.

draughtycatflap · 23/12/2019 12:27

If you were sat on his face there’d be something to moan about.

gingersausage · 23/12/2019 12:37

Christ can you imagine being a landlord and having twatty little incels whining at you about random shit like this? Does he actually go running to the LL with everything or just threaten?

Vanhi · 23/12/2019 12:40

Christ can you imagine being a landlord and having twatty little incels whining at you about random shit like this? Does he actually go running to the LL with everything or just threaten?

I'd think it was even weirder if the other side then started going on about secret filming and the need to check the place for cameras. I wouldn't be a LL anyway but if I were ever that way inclined, all this would put me off.

TheTruthAboutLove · 23/12/2019 12:41

I'm pretty sure people on these threads get off on being particularly mean to the OP with zero justification for it.

If your minds eye of 'Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him.' has you picturing the OP straddling, dry humping, grinding or any sort of sexual behaviour then it says more about your mind than it does the OP. That to me sounds like someone who literally sat on her boyfriends lap with their feet on the floor waiting for the kettle to boil.

OP, people get off on power and it sounds like this guy likes to make tiny gestures to make you unwelcome. When you posted the list of things he's done, it's like that ITV drama last week, Sticks and Stones, where if you said the things that had happened people would think you're crazy for construing it as bullying - but it's these tiny little actions that mean he can get away with it. People like that don't like being stood up to, and I'd be tempted to call him out on his behaviour. Either that or keep a diary of every instance like this to take back to your landlord. It sounds like a horrible situation to live in and as much as I hate the bullies winning, I'd look to move out ASAP.

CassandrasCastle · 23/12/2019 12:46

Some of these replies are batshit in themselves Xmas Confused The way you were sitting doesn't sound inappropriate at all, and your housemate sounds awful OP

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.