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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I did nothing wrong and he is batshit?

184 replies

Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 08:29

I live in a shared house and have had issues with one of the housemates basically since I've moved in. He is constantly making up 'rules and regulations' (which are in no way set or unforced by the landlord, just by him) and complaining about things I have or haven't done. It's built up over many many months and I'm really tired of it tbh but his recent behaviour takes the fucking biscuit.

Went to a Christmas party, at the weekend so no work the next day (me or housemate). Bf picked me up and gave me a lift home. It wasn't overly late at this point, maybe 10:30/11 at the latest. I'd had a few drinks but was not drunk or being overly loud.

Bf was laid down on one of the sofas, arms behind head and asked me to sit on his lap while we were waiting for the kettle to boil. I did, sideways, with my feet on the floor so as to just 'perch' on him and not squash him. Housemates storms out of his room and immediately announces that we are making him uncomfortable and need to stop. We separate, I get up, both apologise and then carry on with our evening.

The next day he accosted me as I was coming home and basically said he's having words with the landlord about me because I was 'dry humping my bf' in the communal space, as well as a load of other comments. This is completely untrue and I am so fucking hurt and angry because I try so hard to be a considerate housemate and live in harmony with every one else - to the extent where I will walk through the house in the dark when I leave for work at 6am just so I don't turn the lights on and disturb anyone. I actively go out of my way at every turn to be quiet and considerate (which the other housemate definitely does not!!) and yet I am the only one having made up accusations thrown at me?!

Aibu and was my behaviour out of order or is he just batshit and obviously has it in for me?

OP posts:
Vanhi · 23/12/2019 12:49

has you picturing the OP straddling, dry humping, grinding or any sort of sexual behaviour then it says more about your mind than it does the OP. That to me sounds like someone who literally sat on her boyfriends lap with their feet on the floor waiting for the kettle to boil.

It's not, IMO at least, that it has me picturing any other behaviour. It's that sitting on someone's lap, particularly when they are lying down, is intimate in itself. I mean whose lap would you sit on? The only person I would be that cosy with is my partner. So I would be uncomfortable in a house share if other people were doing this in communal areas. If I were sharing, I'd rather share with people who felt similarly.

CassandrasCastle · 23/12/2019 12:52

Why would you be uncomfortable with partners sitting on each other's laps (if that makes physical sense, ha)? Is it really so madly inappropriate? I'm so confused by this!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/12/2019 12:54

Flatmate sounds like he's an intolerant bully who has decided to push you into moving out. He won't change so the answer probably is to move out but stand up to him before you go No way should he be going around lying about discovering (and discovering is the word!) you dry humping etc. How dare he? @TheTruthAboutLove said, keep a diary and pre-empt him by taking the list to the landlord yourself. You don't want flatmate to get you blacklisted.

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/12/2019 12:56

Tbf I'm surprised he doesn't cock his leg and piss in the communal areas as he seems to see it as his.

For whatever reason Billy batshit doesn't like you and wants you out, I would just find somewhere else asap.

MunaZaldrizoti · 23/12/2019 12:58

I didn't realise there were so many prudes on here. There is nothing wrong with sitting on a partner's lap FFS!

Nanny0gg · 23/12/2019 12:58
  1. How many others live there?
  2. Who holds the lease? Is it him or do you rent direct from the landlord?
3.Does he speak to others the way he speaks to you?
  1. Why haven't you told him to get lost?
DarlingNikita · 23/12/2019 13:12

Same guy that tells me when I'm allowed to cook in the kitchen or use the washing machine. What do you do when he says this, and does all the other things in your update?
Because the obvious and correct answer is, ‘last time I checked, you didn’t run this house.’

ffswhatnext · 23/12/2019 13:15

Yup a prude for not wanting to see someone laying down with his partner sat on his crotch.

Considering you were the only one using the communal living space for a long time, what changed?

justilou1 · 23/12/2019 13:20

Are you the only female in the house, OP? I wonder if housemate gets off on bullying women.

Jux · 23/12/2019 13:21

What does the other flatmate think of him? Have you asked?

I think this guy is very unreasonable, btw. When I used to share flats, a bit of horseplay like you describe was not a problem to anyone, barely noticeable. It might raise a chuckle and "oh get a room you two".

MissDew · 23/12/2019 13:23

He just wants to cause trouble for OP. He gets his kicks from telling tales to the Landlord.

His real problem is the OP's BF, i.e. there's another bloke in his territory. That's the communal area, not the OP btw !

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 23/12/2019 13:25

Given there was no-one actually present in the living-room when the OP went to sit on her boy-friend's lap, all these comments about her poor behaviour in a communal area are quite ridiculous. It would have been completely different if the bully or another flat-mate were already there, but they weren't.

Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 13:27

Yes I am the only women in the house, there are only 3 of us in total.

He seems totally fine with the other guy and to my knowledge has never pulled him up on anything - despite the fact that the other guy will use everything in the shared space (microwave, kettle, lights etc) at 6am when he's on early starts without a care in the world. I can hear him but it doesn't bother me because I know he is a person living in this house who has the same entitlement to use the facilities at a time the suits their schedule as I do and I'm not an arsehole

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 13:29

We all rent and pay the same to the landlord. He's has just been here longer but has no more 'right' to the space than I do.

OP posts:
Devereux1 · 23/12/2019 13:31

We weren't being loud. Ok, not whispering but just normal talking volume..... Maybe I was being a little loud and giggly

So you were being a little loud.. and giggly... as you sat on your boyfriend's crotch in the communal living room... as the other guy is in his room next door... ?

Vanhi · 23/12/2019 13:34

There is nothing wrong with sitting on a partner's lap FFS!

No, there isn't. But I'd find it a bit odd to walk into a communal area in a house and find a housemate sitting on her boyfriend's lap whilst the boyfriend was horizontal on the sofa. Context is key.

He seems totally fine with the other guy and to my knowledge has never pulled him up on anything

He's pulling you up on it because you're female and he thinks he can get away with it. Find somewhere else to live, give notice and when you go, tell the LL that they should only rent to other men. Don't say why, just say that. If they've got any sense, it will make them think about what their other tenants are up to.

slipperywhensparticus · 23/12/2019 13:37

So boyfriend is lay on the sofa you are sitting with your feet on the floor.....sideways?

slipperywhensparticus · 23/12/2019 13:38

I would say when you move that they should get another male in the property as he clearly has issues with females

averythinline · 23/12/2019 13:38

you do have teh same right - so stop running off and bursting into tears - he is a bully and you are playing teh victim - you need to stand up for yourself

Gonetoget · 23/12/2019 13:41

There's nothing wrong in sitting on someone's lap in the way you describe, he was definitely looking for something to complain about if he was up and watching TV with light on in his room.
He wont pull your other flatmates up because they'd likely tell him to fuck off, or knock his head off.
He's just found a soft touch in you, you either need to start standing up for yourself, or move out. Personally, I'd consider the time between now and you looking for a new place as training in how to assert yourself, by practising with him, or you'll forever encounter these sorts.

Sparklfairy · 23/12/2019 13:41

I remember your other posts and I commented then too. Tbh at this point if you are seriously looking at moving out then just live as you want, and tell him to fuck off every single time. To any posters who think that makes me an arsehole, you obviously haven't lived with someone like this.

Get somewhere lined up and annoy him constantly. No one should have to constantly tread on eggshells to appease a tyrant.

Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 13:43

Obviously I don't do that every time @averythinline, this was just the last straw and the culmination of what feels like a concerted effort on his part to make me feel as uncomfortable and unwelcome as possible in what is supposed to be my home. I hate being there now because of him. I hate the fact that I'm constantly bracing myself for another comment or complaint every time I know he's in the house and

OP posts:
Patroclus · 23/12/2019 13:46

Touchy virgin. Every houseshare has one.

Original poster
Lemononachair · 23/12/2019 13:48

Oops posted too soon! I feel like I can't eat, can't cook, can't wash myself, my dishes or my clothes, have a boyfriend or friends round, order takeaway or just do anything that a normal person would do in their home without potentially incurring his wrath. He gets annoyed about tiny things that wouldn't even occur to me and I am treading on eggshells all the time every time I know he's around. I literally don't know how to keep him happy because there is always something to complain about with him.

Can't wait to find somewhere else to live. Thank god I'm away this week so he can't ruin Christmas for me too.

OP posts:
Cailleachian · 23/12/2019 13:51

This is defo a thing.

Male housemate who assumes a dominent patriarchal position towards female flatmate(s) and and acts in loco husbandis to correct their behaviour.

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