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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said he was leaving 2 hours ago

186 replies

Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 05:21

His works do last night, ended up going into town. His phone's flat, also with my brother so text me off his phone.
Text at 3 to say he's coming home just getting food first.
Two hours later, no where to be seen, brother hasn't replied or picked up my calls.
No food or taxi transactions on his card (joint account), club shut at 3.
This isn't like him at all, but we have had trust issues with drugs in the past but i thought that was all behind us.
Where the fuck would he be? No idea what to do. Part of me thinks he would have thought to walk home if the wait for a taxi was long, but it would take an hour to walk back home.
I have never ever suspected or thought he would cheat on me, but it's 5 in the morning and he's still not back? Or what if he's been attacked and is laying half dead somewhere?
Christ. If i didn't have 8 month old DS asleep, I'd be driving round searching the streets for him!
Any advice on what to do?? If anyones awake :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 05:24

Now my brothers phone is going straight to voicemail, fuck sake

OP posts:
TheFuckingDogs · 22/12/2019 05:25

Oh it’s so awful when this happens. He won’t be cheating - more likely both he and your brother have passed out and he will be with him. Try not to panic - is phone ringing but no answer?

BillHadersNewWife · 22/12/2019 05:27

They're at someone's house drinking. Someone else may have bought their food for them.

Original poster
Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 05:29

It was ringing with no answer, now it just goes straight to voicemail

OP posts:
Havaina · 22/12/2019 05:30

They're two grown men together and they last made contact 2 hours ago.

I think you're overreacting and should go to bed.

Weenurse · 22/12/2019 05:34

Go to bed, nothing you can do now.
Then when he crawls in, get up and make a shit load of noise

happycamper11 · 22/12/2019 05:53

They probably had no intention of coming home and just told you that to keep you happy while making contact. There's already a similar thread on here tonight so it's not uncommon that men decide while drunk that it's worth the consequences to do this. If he's genuinely been for food he probably isn't using drugs.

Mum2b2020 · 22/12/2019 05:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2019 06:03

His battery has probably died too. I wouldn’t read any more into the phone going straight to voicemail than that.

It’s most likely they’ve gone to another bar or sat somewhere warm to eat. Try not to worry. Reevaluate in the morning.

fligglepige · 22/12/2019 06:06

Your DH probably couldn't get a taxi or something and has crashed at your brothers house. He would have used cash to pay for the food surely? After a night out I always have a purse full of coins.

They'll be fine, don't worry. You'll probably hear from him around lunchtime.

Mum2b2020 · 22/12/2019 06:10

Saying to just go to bed is probably easier said than done. I know I wouldn't be able to stop worrying if my husband hadnt come home, so definitely wouldn't have been able to sleep. That said if he's phone is off you probably cant do much else.

Coughgate · 22/12/2019 06:10

I'm sure he wouldn't cheat with your brother there, they've probs found some club that stays open late

AmurderIsAnnounced · 22/12/2019 06:17

His likely high on coke, seems to be a common theme on here.

Jellybeansincognito · 22/12/2019 06:23

I think the issue is that he’s had drug issues in the past and you now think the worst and panic in events like this.

He doesn’t have any respect for you and sounds like an absolute loser. Sling him out when he gets home.

Inittowinit2020 · 22/12/2019 06:23

There's always a bar open somewhere, or they've carried on drinking at someone's house. I hardly ever go out these days, but even I didn't get in til 6am from my work's do. I don't do drugs and I wasn't cheating. Just very drunk and having a great time.

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 06:31

My husband used to do this and it drove me mad - he’d call me and says he’ll be home soon because he thinks it’ll keep me happy. After telling him a few times it’s finally sunk in that as long as I get an update every now and then, I.e ‘Having a few more drinks, see you when home’ I really don’t care when he’s home!

I used to worry when he said ‘getting cab now’ and wasn’t home 2 hours later, but I’ve learned it gets me nowhere. Guarantee he’d just found another place to drink.

StreetwiseHercules · 22/12/2019 06:32

OP, why are you so bothered? I wish I had the option you seem to have, that of turning over and going to sleep.

Honestly, you’re being a complete pest and depriving yourself of sleep in the process.

Is the fun of a drama really worth it?

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 06:32

‘He doesn’t have any respect for you and sounds like an absolute loser. Sling him out when he gets home.’

Really? For one late night out? Hmm

Notajogger · 22/12/2019 06:38

Hopefully you're asleep - if not and he's still not back could you text your brothers partner if he has one, see if he is home with or without your partner?

Lostthefairytale · 22/12/2019 06:38

This is why I now encourage my DH to stay at a hotel for his Xmas night out. It is absolutely not worth the stress.

couchparsnip · 22/12/2019 06:41

OP, why are you so bothered?

Because it's her DH and he said he would be home 2 hours ago? Most people would be worried s

Hopefully he'll be back this morning looking sheepish after having passed out somewhere . The phone going to voicemail will just be because it's run out of charge.

couchparsnip · 22/12/2019 06:42

Oops bold fail!

Bluestar1 · 22/12/2019 06:43

Hope he’s back soon OP

StreetwiseHercules · 22/12/2019 06:45

“ Because it's her DH and he said he would be home 2 hours ago? Most people would be worried”

The person is on a night out. If they haven’t appeared by breakfast time then it’s time to be concerned, and until then all there is to do is to go to sleep.

aggitatedstate · 22/12/2019 06:47

He's got stuck into the coke.

God I can't think of anything worse. Believe me he wilL be feeling SO shit. Good.