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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said he was leaving 2 hours ago

186 replies

Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 05:21

His works do last night, ended up going into town. His phone's flat, also with my brother so text me off his phone.
Text at 3 to say he's coming home just getting food first.
Two hours later, no where to be seen, brother hasn't replied or picked up my calls.
No food or taxi transactions on his card (joint account), club shut at 3.
This isn't like him at all, but we have had trust issues with drugs in the past but i thought that was all behind us.
Where the fuck would he be? No idea what to do. Part of me thinks he would have thought to walk home if the wait for a taxi was long, but it would take an hour to walk back home.
I have never ever suspected or thought he would cheat on me, but it's 5 in the morning and he's still not back? Or what if he's been attacked and is laying half dead somewhere?
Christ. If i didn't have 8 month old DS asleep, I'd be driving round searching the streets for him!
Any advice on what to do?? If anyones awake :(

OP posts:
Seriouslyconfused3 · 22/12/2019 07:48

I can’t believe pp are ok with someone staying out all night with no communication. It’s a total lack of respect if nothing else

Vulpine · 22/12/2019 07:50

It is a total lack of respect but theres no way I'd stay up all night worrying about someone like that

Villagegreenpreservation · 22/12/2019 07:50

Hell be at somebody else's house. Try not to worry but I'd be fuming as well as upset. It's so inconsiderate. He has a daughter and clearly expects you to be there and get on with stuff - imagine if you did the same? Some of these men are fools. Selfish fools

xxmas · 22/12/2019 07:51

I'm sure he will turn up soon. Disrespectful to make you worry all night thought.

CherryPlum · 22/12/2019 07:51

At least he is with your brother, that would kind of make me feel a bit better knowing they're together. Still, it's bloody annoying, they've given you a night of worry. Bet they're fast asleep somewhere.

IncrediblySadToo · 22/12/2019 08:00

I hope you’re more organised than me & don’t have a full day of stuff that needs doing, or I’d be extremely a furious at the lack of sleep his behaviour has caused!

I don’t care when he comes home, but do not tell me you’re on you way then not fucking turn up!

Yes he’s a grown man and can do as he pleases, but not at the cost of worrying me all night.

They’ve probably done something that seemed logical last night, & especially as they’re together, I’m sure they’re fine. That is until you throttle the pair of them!

Original poster
Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 08:03

He got back about 10 mins ago, stayed at his mates who lives a 5 minute walk away apparantly.
He's really drunk, gone straight to bed, wouldn't answer any of my questions

OP posts:
CherryPlum · 22/12/2019 08:04

Well what a twat.

velocitygirl7 · 22/12/2019 08:04

I'm sorry but if my dh was making regular checks on our joint account when I on a night out, I'd feel seriously annoyed. Are you normally very controlling? He's with your brother, what's the big deal?

Ugzbugz · 22/12/2019 08:04

Sounds like they are together so would imagine they are okay, does your brother take coke? Maybe they went for more drinks at a friends and just passed out. I would be annoyed though but wouldn't do anything like end the relationship.

LigPatin · 22/12/2019 08:08

What a charmer

FalalalalaloreanFortescue · 22/12/2019 08:08

At least he's home. Fingers crossed for a good explanation.

Raindancer411 · 22/12/2019 08:10

Wonder if your brother will say the same??

LouLou789 · 22/12/2019 08:11

As another poster suggested, some loud Hoovering is called for 😉

adaline · 22/12/2019 08:13

I can't say this would bother me as a one-off. He came home drunk and tired - of course he didn't want to answer any of your questions!

Would you be happy if he checked up on you via text (and checking your bank account for transactions) and then gave you the third degree when you got home?!

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 08:14

Would bank transactions even show up straight away? Mine often take days to show online, especially on weekends. Wh

Blahblahblah12345 · 22/12/2019 08:14

Wait until he wakes up and ask.him then

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 08:14

*Wouldn’t ever occur to me to check these!

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 08:15

Yet another bloke who shows a marked lack of respect for his partner.

And I’m assuming yet another day when the wife has to pick up the slack because he’s too drunk to pitch in.

Grim.

PoultryBallot · 22/12/2019 08:20

@BillHadersNewWife actually I think it is the land of presumptions, but I do think that @omashu actually meant assumptions as she was being disparaging to MN. Topresume is usually used when you suppose based on probability, while assume is used when you suppose without any evidence.
So we were not assuming without evidence, we were presuming based on the time of day/previous drug use/alcohol consumption /flat phone etc misses point of thread

puds11 · 22/12/2019 08:20

@Newbie1999 mine show in the ‘pending transactions’ section almost immediately.

Marmalady75 · 22/12/2019 08:22

Isn’t it time you did the vacuuming and rearranged all the pots and pans???

silverfridge21 · 22/12/2019 08:24

Which doesn't begin to explain why he clearly lied when you spoke to him

That's what would bother me most

PoultryBallot · 22/12/2019 08:26

Op, glad he is home sorry you have had to deal with it.

LagunaBubbles · 22/12/2019 08:27

You won't get any sense sadly out of him till he sobers up.