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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said he was leaving 2 hours ago

186 replies

Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 05:21

His works do last night, ended up going into town. His phone's flat, also with my brother so text me off his phone.
Text at 3 to say he's coming home just getting food first.
Two hours later, no where to be seen, brother hasn't replied or picked up my calls.
No food or taxi transactions on his card (joint account), club shut at 3.
This isn't like him at all, but we have had trust issues with drugs in the past but i thought that was all behind us.
Where the fuck would he be? No idea what to do. Part of me thinks he would have thought to walk home if the wait for a taxi was long, but it would take an hour to walk back home.
I have never ever suspected or thought he would cheat on me, but it's 5 in the morning and he's still not back? Or what if he's been attacked and is laying half dead somewhere?
Christ. If i didn't have 8 month old DS asleep, I'd be driving round searching the streets for him!
Any advice on what to do?? If anyones awake :(

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 06:50

He's with your brother - do you trust your brother?

Men are idiots. He'd have been better off just not calling if he wasn't sure when he'd be back!

Hope he came home safe and has a cracking hangover now so you can decide you REALLY need to vacuum the stairs and landing at 8am Grin

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/12/2019 06:53

Look, every single likelihood is that he’s not dead or in a ditch somewhere but has gone back to your brother’s house either to sleep or have more drinks. His phone battery has given up and time has run away with him. It happens, and as long as it isn’t happening regularly, which you say it doesn’t, everyone deserves a bit of slack. He’s with your brother, who you presumably think is a half decent guy.

On that basis, you’re just infantilising him with your panic here. I’d be pretty annoyed if my bf was carrying on like this when I’d gone out: I’m a grown woman and if I decide I want to stay out late or crash on a friend’s sofa or even walk the full 5 miles home in the rain and stop at the 24-hour McDonalds for a coffee along the way, I absolutely have the right and the agency to make that decision.

And Jesus Christ - man who isn’t home yet must definitely be snorting coke? I swear some posters really seem to treat threads like this as little soap operas for their own amusement and positively enjoy working up the poor sod who started it into even more worry and upset.

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 06:57

Totally agree with PP re coke - god forbid some people can stay up drinking past midnight without it!

OceanSunFish · 22/12/2019 06:58

Hope he’s ok, OP. I’m sure he’ll be fine but it’s not surprising you’re worried.

Dontdisturbmenow · 22/12/2019 07:04

OP, I totally get you. If anyone in my family was not home by 3pm, I'd imagined the worse. That's because it would be totally out of character for them, and because I'm a natural worrier, which they know, and therefore normally always make sure to keep in contact. No way could I just go to sleep.

Of course, in all likelihood, he is fine somewhere, just about to wake up with a massive headache and a huge weight of guilt on his shoulder, but there is always this ''what if'.

Hope he is home soon if not already.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 07:05

Also agree to ignoring the idiots banging on about coke. IME the impact is very short-lived and doesn't prevent you from going home.

Mumdiva99 · 22/12/2019 07:06

Cabs at Xmas are a pain. I waited about 90 minutes last year for one as they said it was coming - it never showed up....then another hour etc etc ....I bet he's in his way. If not he'll turn up in the morning. Probably crashed on a sofa somewhere.

puds11 · 22/12/2019 07:09

He’s ‘crashed’ somewhere because ‘there were no taxis’.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/12/2019 07:17

@GiveHerHellFromUs

Totally agree. If you listen to MN, every bloke who is out late is snorting coke and shagging anything that moves!

Skyejuly · 22/12/2019 07:21

Bet he fell asleep

Omashu · 22/12/2019 07:22

Ahhh mumsnet. The land of presumptions.

BillHadersNewWife · 22/12/2019 07:23

I think you mean "the land of assumptions"

Can't tell you why...but I'm pretty sure "presumptions" is wrong in this context.

Original poster
Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 07:26

Well he's still not home. The only other place that would have been open in the town he's in is the strip club, but no transactions and i know he doesn't have any cash on him!
My brother lives with our parents, waiting for my mum to respond to see if he's there!

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 22/12/2019 07:28

Okay if he's still not back now at 7.30am I would be pissed off.

cherryblossomgin · 22/12/2019 07:28

Maybe when he was heading to the taxi someone mentioned an after party and he went there. He might of thought you would be asleep and he may now have crashed there. When I used to drink that's what I would sometimes do.

puds11 · 22/12/2019 07:31

@Omashu what a pointless comment Hmm

GaaaaarlicBread · 22/12/2019 07:32

I hope he’s back soon OP.

Even though he’s an adult I still think it’s rude when they don’t keep you updated . My husband always texts me when he’s on his way home and if there’s any plans as he’s read too many of these types of columns to risk it ! You need to use that ‘where’s my iphone’ app (if you have apple), my friend has that for her husband and kids so she knows where they are !

Original poster
Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 07:40

He's not at my parents, my brother didn't return home either! No idea what to think

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 22/12/2019 07:40

I used to feel like this and I'm so glad my now partner is not a big drinker. My ex I had to worry about coke, staying out all night etc. Couldn't be doing that now.

YouJustDoYou · 22/12/2019 07:41

They've probably just had a drink, fallen asleep somewhere. Hope your mum responds soon.

YouJustDoYou · 22/12/2019 07:42

Xpost. Try not to worry, they'll probably stagger in soon.

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 07:43

At least they’re still together. Prob crashed at a mates. Try not to worry!

Sexnotgender · 22/12/2019 07:45

Hope he’s home soon, so inconsiderate not letting you know.

ivfbabymomma1 · 22/12/2019 07:45

I bet they stayed at someone's house, at least they are together if your brother isn't home either!

Nanna50 · 22/12/2019 07:46

Great post @ComtesseDeSpair