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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said he was leaving 2 hours ago

186 replies

Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/12/2019 05:21

His works do last night, ended up going into town. His phone's flat, also with my brother so text me off his phone.
Text at 3 to say he's coming home just getting food first.
Two hours later, no where to be seen, brother hasn't replied or picked up my calls.
No food or taxi transactions on his card (joint account), club shut at 3.
This isn't like him at all, but we have had trust issues with drugs in the past but i thought that was all behind us.
Where the fuck would he be? No idea what to do. Part of me thinks he would have thought to walk home if the wait for a taxi was long, but it would take an hour to walk back home.
I have never ever suspected or thought he would cheat on me, but it's 5 in the morning and he's still not back? Or what if he's been attacked and is laying half dead somewhere?
Christ. If i didn't have 8 month old DS asleep, I'd be driving round searching the streets for him!
Any advice on what to do?? If anyones awake :(

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:00

Yeah, but if your phone is dead and you have no change, you can't use a public phone (and not everyone lives somewhere with a public phone that works anyway)

I always carry/carried change.

I don't know DH's number off by heart and we don't have a landline, so if my phone died I'd have no way of contacting him unless I could get on FB or similar somehow

I have important numbers written on a bit of paper in my purse.

PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2019 10:01

There are no phone boxes around here. Mobiles killed them.

Wonkydonkey44 · 22/12/2019 10:01

Is this typical for him? If not then I’d cut him some slack he’s been out with his brother fgs and it’s Xmas . I’d be well hacked off of my husband was checking up on me while I was out with my sister ( which I rarely ever do )

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:03

There are no phone boxes around here

Last time I had an issue I popped into a pub and asked if I could use the phone and leave some money.

daisychain01 · 22/12/2019 10:03

It's really worth memorising the mobile number of your OH / parent / best friend - whoever, that one important number can be a life saver in an emergency.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:04

It's really worth memorising the mobile number of your OH / parent / best friend - whoever, that one important number can be a life saver in an emergency

We’ve made sure DD13 knows mine, her dads and step-mums off by heart.

daisychain01 · 22/12/2019 10:06

@adaline you clearly set yourself a very low bar in terms of how you expect people should behave. Depressing.

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 10:11

@daisychain01 I disagree - If this was happening all the time then it’s different, but your other half having an night out and arriving home later than planned is hardly ‘setting a very low bar’. Yes it’s a bit crap and ideally he’d have got in touch but these things sometimes happen, people get carried away, especially at Christmas parties. Unless it happens constantly, of course - then it would be a piss take.

daisychain01 · 22/12/2019 10:11

@JacquesHammer yes, you've equipped your DD to be able to cope when the sh*t hits the fan.. It really isn't rocket science is it! It makes me think the people who stay out all night and end up 'in a ditch' were not given the right guidance as kids which is terrible. Ironic that 21st Century gives more options to keep in touch but people seem clueless how to use them!

sandybanana · 22/12/2019 10:11

I would be livid.

It's discourteous and totally selfish behaviour.

I am probably am not the best person to comment- I suffer from severe anxiety and diagnosed OCD, so my mental health would be through the absolute roof.

At least he's back op. Questions can be asked later.

Hope that you now manage to get some rest.

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 10:13

@JacquesHammer You sound fun

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:14

You sound fun

Well yes, I just don’t need to get so off my face I can’t function to have it Grin

daisychain01 · 22/12/2019 10:15

@Newbie1999 you're welcome to your opinion I just think it's a selfish way to treat people and judging by this topic being the number 1 on MN it's becoming the in way to behave. It's a worrying trend.

Newbie1999 · 22/12/2019 10:17

@daisychain01 Yes I just admit, a lot of threads are about this kind of thing at the minute!

Vulpine · 22/12/2019 10:18

Especially if you have a baby at home. Its very rarely the mums getting off their faces all night.

adaline · 22/12/2019 10:18

you clearly set yourself a very low bar in terms of how you expect people should behave. Depressing

Not at all Hmm

I just recognise people are human and I know I wouldn't want to be punished for coming home late and running out of battery on my phone, so I would treat my DH in the same way I would want to be treated in similar circumstances.

I wouldn't want to be tracked via my bank statements, and I don't see the point in "punishing" a fellow adult by not letting them sleep after a night out. My DH is an adult and I trust him - I don't need to panic because he's a couple of hours late, nor do I need to tell him off for it either!

partyhatsoff · 22/12/2019 10:22

Oh he’s gone and got wasted and is at someone’s house, or asleep in a bus shelter or something. If it’s a rare occurrence don’t worry about it.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:22

I don't see the point in "punishing" a fellow adult by not letting them sleep after a night out

I would be very interested to see how often the OP gets time to herself with an 8 month old baby. She’s done the night shift with the baby, and is now doing the day by herself because her husband couldn’t control himself?

I mean do what you want when you’re single but getting trashed and checking out of family life is a crap thing to do unless previously agreed it was going to be an all night bender.

partyhatsoff · 22/12/2019 10:25

I’ve never made checks on a bank acct to see what DW might be up to, is that a thing?? He’ll be feeling sorry for himself I would imagine so leave him to suffer. It’ll be a while before he pulls a stunt like that again hopefully.
Personally I would have gone to bed at normal time and left my phone on silent, not spent the night wondering where DW was on a night out.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:26

He’ll be feeling sorry for himself I would imagine so leave him to suffer

Surely he can feel sorry for himself whilst helping his wife with the baby...?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 10:28

Surely he can feel sorry for himself whilst helping his wife with the baby...?

OP said he's drunk. Would you want a drunk man 'helping' with the baby?

What she should have done was sent him back to his friends to sober up there.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2019 10:33

Would you want a drunk man 'helping' with the baby?

All very convenient for him, eh?

Ok. OP can have a lovely day with the baby. He can “help” with any other chores that need doing. Perfectly fair.

Crinkle77 · 22/12/2019 10:35

I suspect he's been partying all night and drugs were involved particularly as the OP says this has been an issue before.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 10:39

@JacquesHammer I agreed with most of what you're saying, but you're being ridiculous now.

He's allowed a night out. He's allowed to feel tender the next day.

Yes he's taken the piss but forcing him to take part in family life isn't going to resolve anything.

The best thing to do is let him sleep it off. Then OP can be angry with him when he's actually likely to give a crap about what she has to say. There's no point trying to argue with someone who's still half cut, and she wont get the answers or explanation she deserves.

JoyceJames · 22/12/2019 10:41

No woman would ever stay out all night with an 8 month old baby.