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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wanting a drink doesn't make you an alcoholic

198 replies

pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:14

Because some mnetters do.

This isn't a taat more a thread about several posts on various threads.

I very rarely drink, for example, the last time I had a drink was 15th November at my works Christmas do. Before that I'm not sure, but probably a glass of wine in September or October. I drink roughly once a month, slightly less often. Usually just 1 or 2 drinks, with or after a meal. This year I have been 'merry' but not drunk, once.

Christmas day I enjoy a drink- bucks fizz as we open presents in the morning, a glass of red or 2 with our meal and then a Bailey's in the evening once the kids are in bed. I don't HAVE to have them, but I'd be really disappointed if I couldn't, it's part of the tradition.

According to some posters, being unwilling to forego this alcohol makes me an alcoholic. Aibu to think this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 21/12/2019 19:16

Well it’s not unreasonable because you have no reason not to. If you had a recovering alcoholic come to Christmas lunch and couldn’t forego it for them then yes I would say that’s a problem

justonecottonpickingminute · 21/12/2019 19:18

YANB even slightly U. Mumsnet, for all its fantastic qualities, is weirdly uptight about both food and drink.

Iggleonkupsy · 21/12/2019 19:18

I agree with you. I can go months without alcohol but I enjoy drinking cider at rugby matches and alcohol on specific events such as christmas day. If I needed to drive someone on christmas day then I'd happily be able to not drink, but I don't need to so I drink.

rosie1959 · 21/12/2019 19:21

Lol OP I am a recovering alcoholic and your drinking would not qualify
Anyone without a problem can fill their boots in my company doesn't phase me one bit but have been sober many years
I do agree with the labelling of alcoholic on this forum quite frankly most people haven't got a Scooby about what it really means to be an alcoholic and it often has little to do with how much they drink

Waveysnail · 21/12/2019 19:22

Yabu to be really 'disappointed' if you couldn't have alcohol on Christmas day.

YouJustDoYou · 21/12/2019 19:22

I'm alcohol dependant. You're not. They're bu.

Iggleonkupsy · 21/12/2019 19:23

Why though wavey ?

virginpinkmartini · 21/12/2019 19:23

YANBU OP. People on here often conflate lack of willpower with full blown dependancy. Unless you're experiencing withdrawal when denied something (irritability on its own doesnt mean you are necessarily dependant. Yesterday I was pissed off because Morrisons didn't have fig rolls. Today I couldn't give a shiny shit.)

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 19:24

The last time I had a drink was on July when I was on holiday. We had 7 bottles of wine over 3 nights (between 4 of us). I haven't had a drink since them because I never actually remember to buy wine! Sometimes I will think "I'd really like a glass of wine with that risotto tonight" but i always forget to pick it up in the shops!

But, if someone told me I wasnt allowed my orange juice with champagne for xmas breakfast, and stopped me having wine with xmas dinner then I'd be telling them to bugger off. Doesn't make me an alcoholic. I just want to enjoy it on that day, because I've actually remembered to buy the stuff and its bloody xmas.

SexlessBoulderBelly · 21/12/2019 19:24

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and have given up with the ‘yeah I’ll probably have a glass of wine after I give birth’ now it’s “I want all the wine and all the gin as soon as the head it out”

Still not an alcoholic. Just deprived.

SexlessBoulderBelly · 21/12/2019 19:25

As soon as the head is out* damn fat thumbs and tiny letters..

Trewser · 21/12/2019 19:27

I'm most definitely not an alcoholic, and one of the reasons I am very glad i am not is because I can open a couple of really good bottles of wine on Christmas Day.

SimonJT · 21/12/2019 19:27

I love beer, I drink non-alcoholic beer most days, I drink alcoholic beer 1-2 times a week. I love beer, but I’m not an alcoholic, just as I love rugby, but I’m not addicted to it.

katewhinesalot · 21/12/2019 19:27

I must be a raging alcoholic then Blush

IamPickleRick · 21/12/2019 19:28

I agree. My Mum is an alcoholic, 15 years clean now but it hugely affected my childhood. I drank socially through my 20’s as did all my friends, and now I very rarely have a drink at all even on big clubbing nights out. I’m not fussed either way. I probably have one drink every 6 months. At Christmas, after all the shit I’ve had to do to pull it together and all the wrapping and cooking and elves and other crap, yes I do need a drink with my Christmas dinner. Although I stop at that.

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 19:29

@Waveysnail
Why? It would be disappointing if I came into the kitchen on xmas day and found that someone had poured out all the booze. I would be annoyed with them and upset that a part of the day had been changed.
I haven't drank for months. Couldn't really care less about it normal, but on xmas day I want to celebrate, relax and just enjoy it. That includes enjoying some fizz. What would be so unreasonable about being disappointed if that was taken away?

Have you ever been disappointed because someone had finished the biscuits, or ice cream, or crisps or anything else you like a bit of as a treat? Does that make you addicted to that item? Would you feel angry if someone said "you're being unreasonable. You dont NEED a biscuit and its you're disappointed then you have a dependency problem".?

Original poster
pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:31

Well it’s not unreasonable because you have no reason not to. If you had a recovering alcoholic come to Christmas lunch and couldn’t forego it for them then yes I would say that’s a problem

You see, I don't think this would mean I had a problem. I think it would mean I was selfish though (not saying I wouldn't, just that it doesn't make me a alcoholic) because it's not just the alcohol I would drink, it's the christmas pudding, the mince pies, the christmas cake, brandy butter, cranberry sauce (I make my own with port), the red cabbage. It would also mean me hiding, or taking to somewhere else, a large alcohol collection.

OP posts:
paintedfences · 21/12/2019 19:32

MN is weirdly puritanical on this point. I think it's in the same vein as the 'I only stand next to a lettuce twice a year and I'm stuff, HOW do you eat so much?!' style posts. It's silly, but hey ho.

Shall we share the best bottles of booze we've had recently and make some good come of this?

Vinalta Malbec, from M&S, completely gorgeous - velvety and spicy and lush, bargain at £9 per bottle!

To think wanting a drink doesn't make you an alcoholic
Tinytimoteo · 21/12/2019 19:32

If you truly had no attachment to alcohol you wouldnt miss it or feel less than because its not there. And of course you drinking or not doesnt stop an alcoholic from relapsing but its unsupportive to be drinking around them. The smell and change in behaviour is awful and for some triggering.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/12/2019 19:37

I have a glass or two of wine every night when home, it never effects my behaviour or causes any issues whatsoever, but according to half of mumsnet I'm a raging alcoholic, completely out of control.

Original poster
pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:37

@Tinytimoteo

I didn't say I didn't have an attachment to alcohol, I said I'm not an alcoholic. I have an attachment to my hand bag, my favourite shoes, my favourite mug at work. It doesn't mean I have a 'problem'. We all have attachments to things, it doesn't make it bad.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtLitanies · 21/12/2019 19:37

YANBU.

However, it's shocking sometimes that people choose not to realise they're poisoning their own bodies! It's strange to me, anyway.

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 19:38

@Tinytimoteo

Some kind of attachment doesn't equal dependency or addiction.
I bloody love a meringue. If I'm out for dinner and there's no meringue on the puddings menu then I feel a bit "awww". But I get something else and enjoy my night. I just would have been happier t have meringue!

Alcohol is the same. I would be disappointed. I would carry on, but be disappointed. We all have attachments to everything in one way or another.

I dont like a lot of alcohol. Really just sweet fizzy wines, because I really like the taste. If I'm having alcohol then that's what I will have. If it's not available then I wont have any alcohol. Because I have an attachment to sweet fizzy wines; they're tasty. That is all.

Trewser · 21/12/2019 19:39

Lidl Rasteau. 8.99 and delicious.

LagunaBubbles · 21/12/2019 19:39

Yabu to be really 'disappointed' if you couldn't have alcohol on Christmas day

Why on earth do you think that?