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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wanting a drink doesn't make you an alcoholic

198 replies

pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:14

Because some mnetters do.

This isn't a taat more a thread about several posts on various threads.

I very rarely drink, for example, the last time I had a drink was 15th November at my works Christmas do. Before that I'm not sure, but probably a glass of wine in September or October. I drink roughly once a month, slightly less often. Usually just 1 or 2 drinks, with or after a meal. This year I have been 'merry' but not drunk, once.

Christmas day I enjoy a drink- bucks fizz as we open presents in the morning, a glass of red or 2 with our meal and then a Bailey's in the evening once the kids are in bed. I don't HAVE to have them, but I'd be really disappointed if I couldn't, it's part of the tradition.

According to some posters, being unwilling to forego this alcohol makes me an alcoholic. Aibu to think this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 22/12/2019 08:23

I don't think anyone has said the OP is an alcoholic Confused

VivienScott · 22/12/2019 08:43

Problem drinker is probably the better term that people should be aware of. If your drinking regularly causes harm to yourself or others, be that, physical, emotional, financial or criminal, then you have a problem.

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2019 08:49

Drinking at home feels very sad as well, like a deeply lonely thing to

I think you need to understand there are shades of grey, not everyone is your mother.

For example, last night my husband had a couple of beers. My daughter and I were with him. He was neither lonely nor smashed the house up at any stage during drinking those beers. He did not cry or fall asleep in the porch either.

Often we share a bottle of wine. Neither of us are lonely, whilst doing it. We don't smash the house up after. We still don't cry or sleep in the porch.

Occassionally we are on our own. We may have a drink whilst watching tv or reading, we are still not lonely and we still don't smash the house up after, there is no crying and we still make it to bed just fine.

Such an extreme view and an inability/refusal to see shades of grey, and a desire to think everyone must be like your mother isn't healthy. Or realistic.

lilgreen · 22/12/2019 09:19

I had one bottle of beer last night.....on my ownShock as everyone else was out and it was lush.

IamPickleRick · 22/12/2019 09:33

I’m not refusing at all to see shades of grey nor have I said all the things you claim I have. I’ve said numerous times that if you enjoy drinking alone, go for it, I personally find it a lonely thing to do and that my own relationship with alcohol causes me to feel this way. I drink myself, a lot in my 20’s. And a lot of people are my mother btw and do not recognise themselves as such until it’s too late, which is the whole point.

If your alcohol consumption isn’t causing you an issue and you are happy with it, go for it (like I did already say) it doesn’t affect me what you drink or don’t drink, I just don’t.

Trewser · 22/12/2019 09:41

Drinking alone at home for me is my mum having two bottles, smashing the house up while crying, then falling asleep in the porch

You do understand that not everyone does this when they drink?

notsohippychick · 22/12/2019 09:51

Im a recovering alcoholic. I wish I could drink like this. It would be my ideal! But I can’t, and that’s the difference. Once I started that bucks fizz on Xmas morning it would be game over as once I start I can’t stop!

So no, you sound like you’ve got very healthy drinking habits!!

notsohippychick · 22/12/2019 09:54

Wanting a drink doesn’t make you a problem drinker. What makes someone a problem drinker is why they are drinking. To numb pain, to escape......a problem drinker is never knowing when to stop.

Then you feel so hideous the next day, you need another one to escape again. The cycle continues.

It’s hideous. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Bodear · 22/12/2019 09:58

@Greggers2017 I was responding to a comment about physical dependency and your earlier comment was about physical dependency.
Your later post is more inline with true alcoholism; an emotional or mental dependency qualifies just as much as someone who needs a physical detox.

Again, op you really don’t sound like this is something you need worry about.

memberofseven · 22/12/2019 09:59

My husband is clearly an alcoholic. His parents can't forgo opening the bottle of Prosecco whenever we see them. I think they both have a problem too.

gamerwidow · 22/12/2019 10:02

MrsEnglish It sounds as if you have had some really difficult life events to work through and for that I'm sorry
Yes I disagree with pretty much everything she says but it’s pretty clear that she has a painful and traumatic history with alcoholics in her family.
I’m not sure it’s fair to be calling her a vile person and terrible human being when she’s talking from a position of hurt.

insanecandycorn · 22/12/2019 10:51

@gamerwidow

I agree. It's easy to call someone names and assume that they haven't had experiences with alcoholics because they're saying something you don't like, I imagine from a place of real hurt.

Watching someone fall into alcoholism, warning in the early stages when and have that escalate is heartbreaking. Dreading family events and any time of the year that was slightly joyful for everyone else filled me with dread. And to hear that person bleat on about how they have a disease and that this somehow excuses their behaviour. Although yes I know it's a disease but inside I'm filled with rage and bitterness and want to scream that it doesn't feel the same as other diseases to me when your own mother screams in your face that it's not her fault X has happened to you, she couldn't possibly know after all alcoholism is a disease.

So yes you've disease but it only explains your behaviour it doesn't excuse or mean that the horrific things I went through are somehow not your fault.

I'd love to have a more positive attitude however I'm not at that stage yet. Mental health problems are very real and being around an alcoholic parent fucked my mental health. So I hate being expected to have a positive attitude towards it all, I feel bitter and rightly so.

IamPickleRick · 22/12/2019 11:43

You do understand that not everyone does this when they drink?

And you do understand that I have said that very thing numerous times over several posts. I don’t do it. You and anyone else are welcome to your own drinking habits. But I find it sad and lonely and depressing and I’m allowed to have that view and you are allowed yours. Thanks Hmm

FreedomfromPE · 22/12/2019 11:59

YABU to think that because someone on MN might think it you need to start a thread to justify your own POV when no one knows. There's always a range of feeling around alchohol. That's society. Why be so black and white trying to get the "right" answer. There isn't one.

NoseyBuggerMummy · 22/12/2019 12:02

I've literally never ever seen anyone described as an alcoholic because they want a bucks fizz on Christmas morning. I think if you had to do a drive on Christmas but still had two glasses of fizz then you might have an issue. Or if you had a history of alcohol problems but insisted on still drinking socially then yes it's probably a problem.

Trewser · 22/12/2019 12:41

But I find it sad and lonely and depressing and I’m allowed to have that view and you are allowed yours

You are allowed to think that YOU would find it sad lonely and depressing, of course. But you aren't allowed to judge people you don't know as sad lonely and depressing. Self knowledge is one thing, being judgemental is quite another. Hopefully you meant the former.

Greggers2017 · 22/12/2019 13:30

@Bodear please accept my apology for the misunderstanding.

Evilmorty · 22/12/2019 14:12

You’ve taken this very personally Trewser. I don’t think Pickle ever said that at all, just that she finds it sad and in her circumstances and a lot of the others on this thread, I can agree. I don’t drink alone either because I think of alcohol as being out and with friends. Not for at my boring house when no one else is in.

OP, YANBU!

Original poster
pumpandthump · 22/12/2019 14:36

@NoseyBuggerMummy PP have quoted a post in a current thread where someone essentially says that.

OP posts:
Bodear · 22/12/2019 15:01

@Greggers2017 thank you Brew

Trewser · 22/12/2019 15:23

Of course it's personal, everyone's pov on here is personal. We are talking about ourselves, not making policy. My dm was a raging alcoholic, if you are finding yourself judging others perfectly normal drinking habits then you probably need more counselling, it certainly helped me to learn the difference between normal and disordered behaviour. Sitting at home watching Netflix with a Baileys isn't in the slightest bit sad or lonely.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 22/12/2019 15:38

I rarely drink. Go 5 months without a drink and then it's maybe a glass or 2 of wine. I used to be a binge drinker. Once a month I'd get hammered. I didn't like the person I became when I was that drunk, so decided to stop.

My husband drinks at home. I never do. I find it weird sitting at home on your own getting drunk. Cos for me it was only ever a social thing.

Greggers2017 · 22/12/2019 15:45

I work in substance misuse so spend my working days with people with addictions, both drugs and alcohol. The people who have issues with alcohol vary greatly from full blown alcoholics, problem drinker and binge drinkers etc.
I still come home and enjoy a gin or a glass of wine in the bath with a book. But I feel with 4 children I deserve it. I don't get drunk and I don't have a problem. I just enjoy a drink to relax. DP likes to cycle to relax. Everybody has different ways.

BigusBumus · 22/12/2019 15:58

I drink a lot. I also had an alcoholic sister who died of it 4 years ago so i know what I'm talking about.

There is a massive difference between being a big drinker and an alcoholic.

A big drinker can stop drinking according to their life situation, kids, commitments, responsibilities, or even if they just fancy a months break. An alcoholic fucks their life up by drinking regardless of the above and can't stop without help/intervention.

So yes, I like to drink, more than i should. But I am not an alcoholic and never will be. I've got to pop out now, ironically o the pub to meet a friend. But i would love to have 5 minutes when i get back to tell you what my alcoholic sister's life was like on a day to day basis.

MaggieAndHopey · 22/12/2019 16:07

This is a silly thread. I doubt anyone on mumsnet has ever said that you're an alcoholic if you would like a drink on Christmas day or at any other time. Total storm in a wine glass.