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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wanting a drink doesn't make you an alcoholic

198 replies

pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:14

Because some mnetters do.

This isn't a taat more a thread about several posts on various threads.

I very rarely drink, for example, the last time I had a drink was 15th November at my works Christmas do. Before that I'm not sure, but probably a glass of wine in September or October. I drink roughly once a month, slightly less often. Usually just 1 or 2 drinks, with or after a meal. This year I have been 'merry' but not drunk, once.

Christmas day I enjoy a drink- bucks fizz as we open presents in the morning, a glass of red or 2 with our meal and then a Bailey's in the evening once the kids are in bed. I don't HAVE to have them, but I'd be really disappointed if I couldn't, it's part of the tradition.

According to some posters, being unwilling to forego this alcohol makes me an alcoholic. Aibu to think this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 21/12/2019 19:41

It is my opinion that alcoholic, like narcissist or gaslighting or many other general words of disapproval, is overused.

I work on a simple rule-of-thumb about this.

If you can take drink or leave it alone, and don't need to have it if it would not be convenient (driving and the like) then you are not an alcoholic.

If you down fifteen shorts and then spew in a gutter you are a drunk on that occasion, but if that is a once-a-year event you are not an alcoholic.

If you have a spirits-and-a-mixer drink every evening after work plus one or more each day at weekends then you are getting into a risk area, because it's very easy to think "Oh, I'll just have another". Likewise I don't know anyone who actually measures out their alcohol when they are drinking at home, unless they are mixing cocktails, and it's rather easy to have more booze and less mixer in the one drink, too. If it were me, I'd do without for a few days, or weeks; and if I found that extremely difficult, or I felt ill as a result, I would seek help with what I would then regard as my drinking problem.

The above does not necessarily apply to people who actually are alcoholics; it's just that being an alcoholic and being someone who likes to have a drink and sometimes gets drunk are not the same thing. I have had both in the family, and they are definitely not the same.

SabineUndine · 21/12/2019 19:44

I'm with you on this. I'll happily go a couple of weeks without a drink, but sometimes I really want a glass of wine and when I want one, that's it, I want one. I did Dry January a couple of years ago and found it tough - not every day but there were a couple of evenings when I really felt like a drink and didn't have one.

Trewser · 21/12/2019 19:44

I think alcoholics are people whose personality changes when they've had a drink and are dependent on alcoholic.

Original poster
pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:47

I'm liking the alcohol recommendations.

OP posts:
WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 21/12/2019 19:48

If you had a recovering alcoholic come to Christmas lunch and couldn’t forego it for them then yes I would say that’s a problem

For some people indulging in a tipple is a significant aspect of the day. Would you be happy to not eat meat on Christmas Day? Or have a fat/sugar free Christmas? Enjoying alcohol is not the same as being addicted to it.

HopeClearwater · 21/12/2019 19:48

From what I can see on social media, the whole of the country is drowning in Prosecco, Prosecco jokes, gin, gin jokes, gin workshops, ‘funny’ alcohol-related plaques from gift shops, and people whose sole aim in life is to get home from work and open a bottle. Coming as I do from a family of dead (or nearly dead) alcoholics, I’d love it if people didn’t worship the stuff as much as they seem to.

npowerarebastards · 21/12/2019 19:49

Of course you're not an alcoholic if you drink once a month, who has said you are?

For context I've drank every day this week!

churchandstate · 21/12/2019 19:51

If you weren’t disappointed because you couldn’t have something when you wanted it, you probably wouldn’t touch it in the first place. On the few occasions I really fancy a bag of crisps I go looking for them and, if there aren’t any, I’m a bit disappointed. Same at Christmas with mince pies or pudding - I like those things, I want those things, and if I can’t have them when I want them I am disappointed.

Does that make me a mince pie addict? 😂

Northernsoullover · 21/12/2019 19:53

I don't believe in the term alcoholic. Its an unhelpful label. Even the medical profession eschews it.
In answer to your question though OP I don't think the little amount you drink is going to do you any harm whatsoever. However, I believe that anyone who drinks any alcohol whatsoever has a dependency. A psychological one not physical. I realise this view will be unpopular but whatever!
I read a book by Craig Beck called Alcohol Lied to Me and haven't had a drink since Grin it really changes the way you see alcohol.

pointythings · 21/12/2019 19:56

Of course YANBU, and I am the widow of a real alcoholic. MN is puritanical about alcohol. At the same time there are an awful lot of people who are dangerously dependent on alcohol and don't realise it because heavy drinking is considered so normal in the UK. It's a complex picture.

However, when someone comes on here and describes experiences those of us who have lived with addicts instantly recognise, the support needs to be there.

Dapplegrey · 21/12/2019 19:58

I don't believe in the term alcoholic. Its an unhelpful label. Even the medical profession eschews it

So what do you call those suffering from the disease of alcoholism, Northern?

Doilooklikeatourist · 21/12/2019 20:00

I love a glass or 2 of wine , and have some 3 or 4 nights a week
I can happily do dry January or no alcohol April etc
Just fancy a glass is wine in the evening

53rdWay · 21/12/2019 20:02

YANBU, but on the other hand there are a lot of problem drinkers out there and a lot of people (often the same people) who’ll jump on any thread about drinking to say “oh that’s not THAT much, that’s totally normal, some people just like a bit of a drink you bunch of Puritans!” to anything short of an alcoholic coma.

ReanimatedSGB · 21/12/2019 20:03

I think the wierd, prohibitive attitude towards drinking (and eating) comes partly from this being a website mainly used by women. Don't forget the huge cultural pressure to the effect that women are supposed to dread being 'selfish' ie they are always expected to put other people's comfort before their own - so women doing anything for pure pleasure is suspicious.

When it comes to something like hosting an alcohol-free party for the sake of one guest who is in recovery, tbh whether this is a reasonable request or not depends how important to the host this particular guest is. For instance, you might well decide to have a dry Christmas for the sake of a close relative, but if it's eg your second cousin's new partner of a couple of weeks, who you have never met before, then it would be entirely reasonable to suggest your cousin doesn't bring the person if they can't be around alcohol. Because the enjoyment of the hosts and their close family and friends outweigh the troubles of some random.
Anyone who doesn't like, or needs to avoid, some part of ordinary socialising needs to take responsibility for their own needs and consider other people as well as themselves. People are not going to rearrange some major event to accommodate one guest who is only on the fringes of the invited group, and why should they?

mynameiscalypso · 21/12/2019 20:04

I view it as the same way that I view, sat, roast potatoes. Of course I could go without (and have, for example last Christmas when I was pregnant) but I like the taste of champagne and wine and it's a nice part of the day so what would I go without if I didn't have to?

insanecandycorn · 21/12/2019 20:06

@Waveysnail

Can't remember the last time I had alcohol but if I couldn't have a Glass of Irish cream on Christmas Eve or a glass of wine with Christmas dinner I would be disappointed. Why is this unreasonable?

exWifebeginsAgainat46 · 21/12/2019 20:07

i’m a raging alcoholic (5.5 years sober) and am having a sober xmas day with a sober friend.

my family traditionally have a very boozy christmas day, and the last thing i want to be doing is harshing anyone’s mellow. i could insist on a dry lunch for all, or sit amongst it in the middle of risk and temptation, but i choose to do neither.

i will say that even after all this time sober, xmas is still a tricksy time of year. hence the battening down of the hatches.

WhiskersPete · 21/12/2019 20:07

YANBU the pop psychologists on MN love to brandish the word alcoholic around almost as much as the word narcissist.

insanecandycorn · 21/12/2019 20:08

@mynameiscalypso

This is how I feel also. For me it's one of the many elements of the day I enjoy. As well as food, games and many others. I would be disappointed at missing out on any of these.

Dollywilde · 21/12/2019 20:09

I’m pregnant. Before pregnancy I was a fairly regular drinker - a couple of glasses of wine three times a week, maybe. I haven’t missed wine at all during this pregnancy tbh. However I’m going to be sad not to have a glass of bubbles on Christmas Day.

I know people who’ve said I can if I want but tbh I’m just not up for the risk level, that’s just me.

There’s hundreds of things in life I’d be sad to give up. Takeaways. Baths. Box sets. Country walks. Books. I’m not addicted to any of them, it’s just that sometimes I think ‘god I’d love a [whatever]’ and would be sad if I couldn’t.

Tinytimoteo · 21/12/2019 20:09

Is smoking a disease??

PositiveVibez · 21/12/2019 20:10

Yesterday I was pissed off because Morrisons didn't have fig rolls

You are a figaholic. You are in denial about you figaholism.

I would suggest your family called fig-anon

Lobsterquadrille2 · 21/12/2019 20:11

I'm a recovering alcoholic and don't mind being described as such. I was definitely dependent upon alcohol. I don't think YAB at all U in wanting alcohol on Christmas Day and I would hate anyone around me to think that they couldn't drink because I'll be there with my Diet Coke/cup of tea. They won't think like that - they'll know that I'm fine with it. Equally, if someone said that they'd developed an allergy to bread sauce (my favourite part of Christmas) and, as a result, nobody could have bread sauce, I'd be pretty annoyed.

cyclingmad · 21/12/2019 20:14

Why even care what people on the internet think, they don't know youand even if you tell them they will still say what they like.

Be confident in your choices and decisions.

Lucked · 21/12/2019 20:14

I wouldn’t say you have a problem with alcohol, possibly one with selfishness depending on the circumstances.