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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wanting a drink doesn't make you an alcoholic

198 replies

pumpandthump · 21/12/2019 19:14

Because some mnetters do.

This isn't a taat more a thread about several posts on various threads.

I very rarely drink, for example, the last time I had a drink was 15th November at my works Christmas do. Before that I'm not sure, but probably a glass of wine in September or October. I drink roughly once a month, slightly less often. Usually just 1 or 2 drinks, with or after a meal. This year I have been 'merry' but not drunk, once.

Christmas day I enjoy a drink- bucks fizz as we open presents in the morning, a glass of red or 2 with our meal and then a Bailey's in the evening once the kids are in bed. I don't HAVE to have them, but I'd be really disappointed if I couldn't, it's part of the tradition.

According to some posters, being unwilling to forego this alcohol makes me an alcoholic. Aibu to think this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
53rdWay · 21/12/2019 20:43

Below that, you're not touching alcoholism.

No. It doesn't work like that. It's not just about how much you drink, otherwise every other student who gets hammered on cheap booze offers at the pub would be an alcoholic in term-time, and there wouldn't be actual alcoholics who will tell you that they stopped for a week a year ago and managed it and therefore cannot possibly have a problem now.

I don't think 'alcoholic' is the world's most useful definition though. Mostly because of all the people who really do have a problem with alcohol, who will define 'alcoholic' as anyone who's worse off than them and then tell themselves they're fine as long as they're holding down a job or not passed out in a gutter.

Liking a drink of a Christmas dinner or any dinner doesn't make you an alcoholic of course. Most people could stop drinking fine if they wanted to. But a lot of the people who do have a real problem with drinking will also say "I just like a drink with dinner, I could stop any time I just don't want to", as well.

AlexaAmbidextra · 21/12/2019 20:43

It’s MN where if you sniff the cork from the sherry bottle once a year you’re a raving alcoholic. 🙄

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 20:44

@MrsEnglishh

Addiction is a disease. Doesn't matter what you're addicted to. If you're addicted, it's a disease. It's a physical need for something, whether or not you want it or not, you need it. Its no longer a choice. And to fight that is not as easy as choosing not too. It is a disease. By it's very definition, it is a disease.

Alcoholismis a type of substance addiction. As defined by the American Society of Addiction Medicine, this meansalcoholism, like other addictions, is a chronicdiseaseaffecting the reward, memory, and motivation systems of the brain.

rosie1959 · 21/12/2019 20:45

Nobody in their right mind would chose to be an alcoholic
Aa I said many people really don't have a clue

aggitatedstate · 21/12/2019 20:47

@MrsEnglishh you are totally wrong

Thankfully you haven't lived the life of an addict

People with your attitude add to the stigma. Quite frankly fuck off

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 20:47

@MrsEnglishh
And who said they wouldn't enjoy xmas without a drink? People are saying they'd be disappointed. That's not the same thing.

I'm disappointed that we dont have any popcorn in the house to watch a xmas movie with. I'm still enjoying the movie and chill out time; I'mjust a bit disappointed with the lack of popcorn. Or can you only feel one thing at a time; so either disappointment or enjoyment but not both? Because I can feel both.

Skidzer · 21/12/2019 20:47

MrsC He's probably a raging alcoholic, but who the fuck cares lol.

53rdWay · 21/12/2019 20:50

I'd be really disappointed if we didn't have Vienetta at Christmas. I bloody love Vienetta. Wanting to have it and looking forward to it doesn't make me addicted.

If I was hiding secret boxes of Vienetta behind the lawnmower and slicing it into my lunch disguised as something else so nobody spotted it... then I might have a problem.

Alcoholics don't just 'enjoy' booze.

Skidzer · 21/12/2019 20:52

Tea, anyone?

Anyone for tea?

Oh Yes, I've cucumber sandwiches of course Mrs. Curmudgeon. Would you like more tea?

BonnyConnie · 21/12/2019 20:55

I think there’s been a misunderstanding. Being unwilling to forego doesn’t make you an alcoholic. You would forego it if you had to for some reason (e.g. pregnancy, liver disease etc). But being unable to forego it given reason to do so would.

MissSueDenim · 21/12/2019 20:58

So what do you call those suffering from the disease of alcoholism, Northern?

I totally got the wrong end of the stick with this comment! Grin

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/12/2019 20:59

@Skidzer Probably! It's weird though because he's quite disciplined about it. He'll stop at a bottle and a bit. He's also a vegetarian which is quite unusual for a man of his age and eats a largely raw diet. He looks years younger than his age. He does have an Alzheimers diagnosis (which I am absolutely sure is stress induced, years of a very high stress career in finance and no doubt the booze hasn't helped). However, at this stage, I don't honestly care. Neither does he. He has stopped driving, he has a lovely life. I have an amazing stepmother who is there every day and absolutely dotes on him. No judgement from me. He can drink it for breakfast for all I care!

MrsEnglishh · 21/12/2019 21:01

How about you say that to my face

Sure. But I've said it here, so what's the difference?

Alcoholism is not a choice

Ah, OK. The liquid is forced down an alcoholic's neck. Same as a smoker is held down and has cigarettes shoved in their mouth. Or a drug addict is force fed drugs. I see.

Or, the people who become addicted make a decision to put these things into their bodies in the first place. A choice.

It's not a disease. No amount of bleating about how it's an illness will change my mind. Absolutely insulting to those of us with actual illnesses.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 21/12/2019 21:03

You are not harming anyone - and with such a small quantity of alcohol you're not harming yourself. Cheers!
I drink that amount in a day very often - MN would call me an alcoholic but I don't care - I'm nearly 60, fit, healthy, no mental health issues with a great life.
The amount you are talking about is miniscule.

53rdWay · 21/12/2019 21:03

What do you think addiction is, MrsEnglishh?

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 21:05

@MrsEnglishh

So you think you know better than the medical profession, do you? And those who study addiction? The people who actually study the difference in the brains of those with addictions and those without?

Do you also think mental illnesses arent real diseases? Changes to someone's brain obviously dont seem like a real disease to you.

Skidzer · 21/12/2019 21:06

Sometimes people are held down and cloths are shoved into their gobs.

MrsEnglishh · 21/12/2019 21:07

Oh no, mental illness is extremely real.

So you're saying addiction starts before someone chooses to put the substance into their bodies? OK Smile

MintyMabel · 21/12/2019 21:08

For some people indulging in a tipple is a significant aspect of the day. Would you be happy to not eat meat on Christmas Day?

This analogy completely misses the mark. A more suitable one would be, would you be happy to have a nut free Christmas if you had someone with a nut allergy?

Helping an alcoholic stay on the wagon is not the same as catering for a vegetarian. If any of my family members were struggling with alcoholism I’d happily host a dry Christmas. Anyone who didn’t like that would be welcome to stay away.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 21/12/2019 21:09

Yes, I believe that I was born an alcoholic and have an addictive personality.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/12/2019 21:09

@MrsEnglishh NHS treats alcoholism as a disease. An illness. I am absolutely sure that everybody who has fallen into that trap was ill in the first place with other issues. You sound lovely Hmm

lottiegarbanzo · 21/12/2019 21:10

Yep. You'd be diappointed if you didn't have a delicious roast dinner on Christmas Day - but you don't NEED one. Nutritionally you'd be fine with beans and marmite on toast and some broccoli.

You'd be disappointed if you lost all your nice, smart or party clothes and had nothing lovely to wear - but you don't NEED them. Charity shop clothes are clothes, you'd be warm and comfortable. What kind of freaky fashionista are you to be craving beauty and extravagance once a month?!

Perhaps the teetotallers and recovering alcoholics have never had the chance to discover that, for most people, the delicious taste of your favourite drink is as or more important than its alcoholic content. The rest of us know though.

Something lovely, delicious and extravagant is a treat. Just like good food, clothes, make-up, art, whatever it is that people enjoy.

rosie1959 · 21/12/2019 21:10

Alcoholism is very real but not understood by most and some people make stupid comments making anyone suffering less likely to ask for help
I don't understand depression or eating disorders why not just pull your self together get a grip or have a yorkshire pudding Are these disorders unreal ?
Or perhaps I shouldn't profess to know all about it

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 21/12/2019 21:11

However, I believe that anyone who drinks any alcohol whatsoever has a dependency.

Northernsoullover This statement qualifies as the daftest I've seen all day. Because by your definition, if we consume anything we must have a dependency.

I last had alcohol about 3 weeks ago, went out with a friend and had 2 pints of cider. Because I like the taste. I like a couple of different wines, rum, amaretto, and maybe a couple of other spirits/beers. But I rarely drink because I'm not bothered. I don't drink alone, there's no point me opening a bottle of wine at home as I'm the only one drinking it, and I generally only have one glass. So I keep a couple of those canned wines for the rare times I have one.

If alcohol was banned tomorrow, I'd initially be disappointed. Not because it's alcohol, but simply as a drink I like in certain circumstances, like wine with food as it's part of the meal. And then I'd get on with my life and not be bothered if I never drank alcohol again.

Skidzer · 21/12/2019 21:12

I know that addiction and genius seem to go hand in hand.

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