To think wanting a drink doesn't make you an alcoholic

[pumpandthump]

Because some mnetters do.

This isn't a taat more a thread about several posts on various threads.

I very rarely drink, for example, the last time I had a drink was 15th November at my works Christmas do. Before that I'm not sure, but probably a glass of wine in September or October. I drink roughly once a month, slightly less often. Usually just 1 or 2 drinks, with or after a meal. This year I have been 'merry' but not drunk, once.

Christmas day I enjoy a drink- bucks fizz as we open presents in the morning, a glass of red or 2 with our meal and then a Bailey's in the evening once the kids are in bed. I don't HAVE to have them, but I'd be really disappointed if I couldn't, it's part of the tradition.

According to some posters, being unwilling to forego this alcohol makes me an alcoholic. Aibu to think this is ridiculous?

This is a silly thread. I doubt anyone on mumsnet has ever said that you're an alcoholic if you would like a drink on Christmas day or at any other time. Total storm in a wine glass.

Basically this. I'm sure you can find the odd loony who is against all alcohol consumption or you could dig a few out of context quotes up but it's not like most people would think you have a problem because you like a glass of something on Christmas day.

I probably drink once per month or less. And even then, it’s a glass or two of wine, or a beer/cider. But I have little traditions that I enjoy. A gin and tonic on a plane, and a Buck’s Fizz with breakfast at Christmas. I’m 100% sure this isn’t dependency! 😂

A big drinker can stop drinking according to their life situation, kids, commitments, responsibilities, or even if they just fancy a months break. An alcoholic fucks their life up by drinking regardless of the above and can't stop without help/intervention.

I am so, so sorry about your sister and I say this with the greatest respect, but you cannot make it as black and white as this. Your sister’s situation sounds awful and it is horrible that alcohol did that to her. But you cannot say that someone isn’t an alcoholic unless their situation is as bad as your sister’s. There are lots of different warning signs and factors that indicate someone might be heading towards alcoholism, or a problem with alcohol, and not everyone will reach ‘rock bottom’ before they turn things around, nor will everyone’s rock bottom look the same. I haven’t been to AA myself but I know they even have a term for it, ‘high-bottom alcoholic’. For me it was simply one bad hangover too many which led me to go sobered, which some people seem to find a very boring story as they want to hear some kind of scandalous story involving me waking up naked in a bush in order to accept that I ‘needed’ to stop drinking.

Your comment about how alcoholics can’t take a month’s break is also interesting to me as I’ve always understood it to be another warning sign if someone occasionally gives up to ‘prove’ to themselves that they can go without it.

Again, I mean no disrespect and I don’t even mean this to be specifically directed at you, BigusBumus. I have literally zero opinion about how much or how often you drink and have never declared anyone else to be an ‘alcoholic’ based solely on how much they say they drink in a Mumsnet post. But I just wanted to say all this in case someone is reading this thread with concerns about their own drinking, but feels afraid to seek help because their drinking isn’t ‘bad enough’ to count as a problem.

This is a silly thread. I doubt anyone on mumsnet has ever said that you're an alcoholic if you would like a drink on Christmas day or at any other time. Total storm in a wine glass.

unlike all the very serious threads on mumsnet? It's a forum it's for discussing and debating random, unimportant shit.

HOWEVER, I have seen, on more than one thread, people say things like "if you can't have a dry Christmas they aren't the only one with a drinking problem" and "if can't forego a sip of champagne when pregnant I think you need to look at your relationship with alcohol" and "If you can't give up alcohol for 9 months then you have a drinking problem". All of which I think are completely ridiculous statement.

HOWEVER, I have seen, on more than one thread, people say things like "if you can't have a dry Christmas they aren't the only one with a drinking problem" and "if can't forego a sip of champagne when pregnant I think you need to look at your relationship with alcohol" and "If you can't give up alcohol for 9 months then you have a drinking problem". All of which I think are completely ridiculous statement.

I have seen all of these statements and even as a sober person I agree with you!

Yep I’ve definitely seen all of those statements too.

I figure you’re either intelligent enough to be able to take calculated risks or you aren’t.

FWIW, the preferred term in the scientific/medical community is now 'a person with Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD)' rather than 'alcoholic'.

Alcoholic is an unhelpful term for someone suffering with AUD.

i’ll stick with alcoholic, i think. there’s no shame in it - i faced all my shame when i got sober.

I've actually never heard of the AUD term. We use alcohol dependent or say somebody has a alcohol issue.

I gave up alcohol last year as I was getting to the point of not being able to have just one but several, I couldn’t take it or leave it. I would drink at least 2 glasses of wine during the week and a bottle or two over the weekend, it was making me feel awful and paranoid so I decided to stop. For me, there is no middle ground, I couldn’t just have one, so I have none at all.
I don’t label myself an alcoholic but I was becoming a problem drinker.
I don’t have a problem with other people having a drink and enjoying themselves and I would never expect others to forgo it because of me, it’s my choice not anyone else’s.

@exWifebeginsAgainat46 Fair enough, i think you've earned the right to use whatever term you prefer.

I too have no issue being labelled an alcoholic - one in sobriety. Anything else sounds a little like tiptoeing around the bald truth. But my experience is years in AA and absolutely nothing medical or scientific!

My Dsis' partner would also describe himself as an alcoholic - he's 10 years sober. Euphemisms just cloud the real issue.

Ive found this with the people o work with who have addictions, they do not want me to pussy foot around, they want the brutal abs honest truth.

Hi @pointythings - hope that you and your DDs are well. X

Another part of the reason for all this whining is the pervasive and very harmful bullshit peddled by 12-step programmes. Which, just FYI, have the highest failure rate of any addiction treatment going and are entirely based on superstition rather than any kind of medical or scientific knowledge. Yes, sure, people can pop up citing that either they or someone they know did stop drinking/taking drugs via 12-step, but the truth is, actually, that person was either ready to stop - or replaced one crutch (drink/drugs) with another (12-step bullshit).
Some people consume drink or drugs to an extent that it wrecks their lives - they lose jobs, fall out with everyone they know, run out of money, damage their health etc. Some people consume drink or drugs in moderate to substantial quantities and nothing particularly bad happens to them.
Some people are deeply mistrustful of enjoyment in any form. The only pleasure these people seem to get from life comes from spoiling other people's enjoyment as much as possible.

There is a difference between unwilling and unable, if that helps you, OP? An alcoholic is totally unable to get through the day without consuming alcohol. It's not the same as being inwardly resentful that the kids are still awake so you can't drink freely. (An alcoholic would drink regardless.) Or, wanting to have a cocktail on Xmas morning. (An alcoholic doesn't need a special occasion or even a weekend; every day is drink day.) So, yes, binge drinking is an indicator of alcoholism. But, if you are unable to not binge drink of your own volition then it's actually alcoholism. I hope that is reassuring. x

I drink a lot more frequently than OP and many other posters on here. Most weeks I have a glass or two of wine or 2-3 lagers on the weekend and maybe s night in the week too. I really don't think this makes me an alcoholic. I like the feeling of becoming relaxed with alcohol but hate the feeling of being drunk or having a hangover which would happen if I drunk more than half bottle of wine or couple of cans of beer so at this point I stop and have a tea/coffee.

I will look forward to a drink with my Christmas meal, but equally have had years where I've had to drive my elderly parents home and have therefore not had a drink with my Christmas meal.

Hi @lobsterquadrille2 we are doing alright - still very much in recovery ourselves, but it takes time.

Love sitting in the village square on a Saturday midday and enjoying a nice cool beer in the sun, really look forward to it actually. Oh and enjoy a Tio Pepe with my mum and aunt on Xmas day, super look forward to that also. Sorry for the teetotallers they must be hating it.

Sorry for the teetotallers they must be hating it.

Why? I’m genuinely so excited for my first sober Christmas!

At our Christmas dinner, the only people drinking wine will be me and probably SIL. My mother is on medications which can't be mixed with alcohol, my brother is also on medication which can't be mixed with alcohol (in his case this is a lifelong thing, since his teens, and he really isn't bothered) and DS is 15 so too young. None of us will be fussed about what each other is drinking.

Sorry for the teetotallers they must be hating it

Imagine thinking people who choose not to drink a certain liquid must be "hating" Christmas. Do you realise how sad that sounds?