To ask for no presents for DD

[OopsieDaisyB]

DD is 6 months old. She has a very large family (6 aunties/ uncles and 4 grandparents plus greats and cousins etc) I'm contemplating asking her family on both sides not to buy her gifts for special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays etc. Instead I would like them to a) give that money to a children's charity b) give the money they would have spent to build up her savings for when she is older or c) do something with her instead e.g. a birthday picnic
I have several reasons for wanting to do this, reducing the amount of toys she will receive, save family money but mostly I want her to see these occasions as something other than all about presents. I want her to focus on the people not the gifts that will undoubtedly end up in a charity shop in a few years anyway. DP and I will of course still get hers a few gifts.
How would you feel if a member of you family asked you to do this?

Isn't it a bit late for that? Most people will already have done their shopping.
I don't disagree with it but I'd rather be told long enough in advance that I hadn't already bought something.

If someone asked me to do it 4 days before Christmas I would be very pissed off!

You can ask nicely, or tell them if they ask what she'd like, but dictating what people can/can't gift is pretty much the opposite of the purpose of gift giving 🤷‍♀️

When she is still a baby, I can see the sense of this, but as she gets older, and realises that most other people get presents to unwrap on their birthday and at Christmas, won’t she feel rather left out - especially if the money is going to charity or to savings she can’t touch for years?

I’d think you were bonkers. Fine when she’s a baby but people like giving gifts. It’s the whole point.

There's 4 days until Christmas, it's a bit late to tell people not to buy gifts. Chances are they have already purchased things for your daughter. Going forward it might be nice to suggest activities instead of gifts, but you can't insist on it.

Too late for this Christmas as no doubt they will have bought her presents already and it will offend them to be told not to give them to her. However, for future reference give plenty of notice for them not to buy her presents. Some might not bother giving money towards savings at all so be aware that your dd could well miss out as she gets older. When she sees friends and cousins getting presents, it could leave her wondering why she doesn't get any.

How do you know that all these family members are actually planing to buy presents anyway? Seems a bit presumptive.

In October yes, but no 4 days until Christmas.

Also, I absolutely hate being given restricted gift giving. I find it rude, if I'm spending my money I'll choose what to do with it.

Sorry, I mean starting in the new year, this is her first Christmas and I have no intention of telling people not buy her stuff this year!

I get where you are coming from but it is a little bit rude and also short notice. You could test the waters for next year eg oh gosh she got so much last year...i am feeling maybe it would make sense to give some money to charity instead. But it's too late for this year. If people buy stuff you dont think will get used you can always exchange for vouchers and buy other things.

Your very sweet and it’s very true - too many gifts just make a mess and nothing seems special when there is so much. Prob mention this after Christmas as most have bought gifts. Remember there will always be the family member that can’t understand or takes offence (just ignore them) x x

I would not expect cousins etc to be buying presents but thinking about close family...If you were in my family I would think 1. You are too late doing this as most family members will have sorted Christmas for this year and 2. That you are a scrooge sucking the joy out of childhood for your daughter. Your close family may not say anything but they will resent you for this and think you are ungrateful. Some may start thinking of you as money grabbing if you ask for savings (also charity is veey peesonal so I would not like this option and your chikd may not when they are older). That is just my opinion though and I am sure there will be others that think it's fine!

And it is not presumptive at all. I have had 6 months of being inundated with gifts so that had swayed my decision a bit more. I was given gift cards to buy clothes when pregnant and she consistently got bought so much by other (mostly my mum) that she barely wore what I had picked for her. I have a box of do many barely worn things that are going to go to a baby bank.

Yes, from next year suggest they put money in a savings account for her. They could buy small things such as a book or colouring book and pencils if they still want to give a gift to unwrap.

Probably would work next year but I think it's a bit mean to have no/very few presents for a toddler or young child.
We also have a large family. My daughter is 3 this year and is very excited about Christmas, its lovely to see her open things and play with them. My family would be disappointed if I asked them for envelopes of cash which she would have no idea what they are. People enjoy buying presents for children.
We have a list so that she doesn't get too much stuff or tons of plastic, and we have asked family to limit it to 1 present only.

@alpacagoodnight is the sort of family that just find everything a problem - just ignore - and good on u x

I am sucking the joy out of childhood for wanting my daughter to have meaningful days out with her family rather than yet another toy that will get very little use? I said my DP will still get her gifts. But why does less gifts mean I am a scrooge? I bake mince pies and cookies, have Christmas film days with my niece and go to see Santa with her. Isn't that what Christmas is about? Being with family? Why is asking for less gifts immediately a bad thing? I am simply wanting to cut down on excessive gift giving 🤷‍♀️

Ime lots of people who buy new baby gifts aren’t necessarily going to buy your children presents for every Xmas and birthday. Some may buy something for the first year or two and stop. And if they do, they may like actually giving presents and not want to give money for savings.

If grandparents give lots you could ask them to buy less.

I think people are getting caught up on the suggestion of money for her savings. That was one option. I have a 5 year old niece who this year asked my brother "why didn't you get me as many presents as mum?" On her birthday.
DP niece got toys for her first birthday she never used and were sold within a year
Would a day out with her grandparents not mean more to her in the long run?

Children love gifts at Christmas and birthdays, you could ask for no plastic toys but to ask for money instead is a bit presumptuous that the gift giver wants to give money, lots of people buy throughout the year to avoid spending in December. I love giving children presents I wouldn’t enjoy giving a three year old money I’d feel mean and I’d feel like I would have to give more than I’d spend on a gift. Imagine waking up on Christmas morning with no gifts your child would be heartbroken. Ask for no plastic instead.

Yabu.

People will really want to treat her on these occasions. If she has too much stuff, I'm sure you can donate it so that someone benefits.

It sounds like your mother is the problem here. It would be a shame to stop others from giving presents to your DD, because of her grandmothers excessive gift giving.

And to be honest this is more for my family than DP's, they are far more level headed. However, my family have a gift for her every time we see them, which is weekly. I've asked for them to buy her less but it goes iver their head 😂 they love her to bits but I just don't think gifts equal happiness. And I don't think less gifts, note LESS not NO, makes me a bad mother, depriving my daughter of a happy childhood.
I also think about the environmental impact of every decision I make. Because I want her to have a future in a healthy planet that she respects.

I agree in a way BUT as she gets older she will want and need more stuff. This Xmas it’s too late but birthdays I’d just be quite directional about what you want (bearing in mind days out etc are always more expensive than a toy). She’d love to go and see X at the theatre, she’s like X book etc. I personally would not give money to charity just because you told me to.