To literally cancel Christmas

You poor thing. How did they react when you lost it?

The oldest 2 are at school and your DH has the toddler Monday to Friday? Does toddler attend nursery at all? Essentially your DH is the SAHP even though working weekends. Is he pulling his weight during the week regarding housework or are you just trying to catch up at the weekends whilst minding 3 children alone?

Your husband needs to support you more your children are being little shits

Yes, I would cancel it actually.

Op, I feel for you. Can you all go out for a walk in the park, some fresh air, time together, help reset things. Then return to do the tree? Remove electronics until behaviours improve. That age there is plenty to do, play with. Have some fun together outside first thou!
I’m off to walk the dog with my 8yo, he moans, but enjoys it!
Yr kids must miss you, it sounds tough not seeing the family much, it is full on but you need their help too. Start the new year with plans! Chores! Pocket money! ..

They are your children and you and your husband have allowed it to get to this state . If your husband is at home during the week why is the house so messy ?

It's hard when you feel like you are in a uphill struggle.

Start with assigning them each one half of the lounge then get them to pick up 100 items each (or 50) that need to be tidied away / thrownnout. The "winner" gets a small treat. This way the lounge will get tidied and you wont feel so resentful.

I would cancel it. Sometimes it takes a bit of a shock to the system to make kids realise how awful they are being.

And your DH sounds pretty useless too.

I’d cancel it.

If your husband is at home during the week why is the house so messy?

Because he's a stay at home parent. His job is childcare, not cleaner, laundry maid, cook, etc.

Cancel it. Take the tree down, return the presents. Tell the children exactly why Christmas isn't happening.

Is your husband home all week then, just works weekends? If so, (and I think he has a toddler?) he can get most of this done in the week. Put a load of washing on every evening, he sorts it in the morning. Same with dishwasher. Refuse all iPads/xboxes in the morning until bedroom floors are clear of washing etc.
When mine were small I printed out a list of things to do from the minute they got up with a tick box at the end. It was basic like ..
Get dressed
Brush teeth
Make bed
Put any dirty clothes in laundry basket
Put pjs on the radiator for tonight
Come down for breakfast
Put shoes on
Get book bag
Get coat
Make sure no wrappers are on the floor/down the sofa in the kitchen
When they are little I think they need things spelt out. If they get all of that done by (say) 8am then they can have in iPad until leaving for school at (say) 8.20.
I also have a robot hoover so if everything’s clear on the floor husband can set this to go off while he’s doing the school run.
Afraid it’s about getting super organised, good luck!

The thing is you can blame the kids but you and dh need to ask yourselves why things are like this. Where are the boundaries? Kids tend to only rise to the level of expectation that is put on them.

And if your dh is home all week the house shouldn’t be such a mess. You need a system, and a chart that states what gets done and by whom each day. Link pocket money/ treats / rewards to the kids chores. And consider whether you can afford a cleaner if your dh can’t manage.

Because he's a stay at home parent. His job is childcare, not cleaner, laundry maid, cook, etc.

What bollocks. His job is all of those things and he needs to step up or pay for a cleaner.

What a horrible time you're having :(

I agree with other posters who say your DH probably needs to help more and maybe you'd all be more organised if everyone had a jobs list ?

If your DH and DC do not complete their jobs every day, then absolutely NO screen time or any fun activities that day ?

It sounds quite chaotic and like everyone expects 'someone else' to do housework, washing etc, so some actual direction with WHAT everyone has to do and WHEN they must have it done by to avoid consequences seems reasonable.

I'd actually think about putting the tree away again and telling kids that until they do what they are told then yes, Xmas IS cancelled, and stick to it ! (you can have Xmas in Feb if that's what it takes for them to take you seriously !)

They sound like normal kids their age and you sound utterly exhausted. Rather than cancelling Christmas I’d be thinking about how you can rearrange your family life in the new year, so that you actually have some time as a family and some time for yourselves.

I think your DH not pulling his weight is the real problem here. Yes, kids can be a PITA and it sounds like yours are, but it's not their fault that things are generally not working well in your home and lives. Do you have anywhere you could just shove all the junk? Then you could have a quick hoover and get the tree up. I would not cancel Christmas, but I would be making some big changes coming into the new year

If your husband is at home during the week why is the house so messy?

Because he's a stay at home parent. His job is childcare, not cleaner, laundry maid, cook, etc.

This is what SAHM do each and every day! They don’t just do childcare!!

You have every right to be upset, their behaviour is completely out of line and you must feel so unappreciated despite working so hard for your family

Honestly, I don't think cancelling Christmas is the way to go though. I don't think a big, one-off, grand gesture is going to change things. What's needed here is a complete overhaul of rules, boundaries and responsibilities that is sustainable in the long term. Something extreme like cancelling Christmas might have shock value but it won't lead to sustained change.

When you're feeling calmer you and DH need to sit the kids down and tell them that things need to change. Agree with DH what their jobs will be (tidying bedrooms, loading dishwasher, putting away laundry whatever you think is appropriate given their ages) and what the consequence will be if they're not done. Removal of electronics sounds sensible.

Does your DH help around the house? If not that needs to change too, tell him he either starts pulling his weight or he can fork out for a cleaner/ironing service.

He's not a nanny, so doesn't get out of SAHP duties which include the house

Family meeting now. Attendance compulsory. One agenda item: Christmas is cancelled unless kids/dh pull together to get the house ready. And mean it.

I think you (both of you) seriously need to consider a parenting course. I do not mean that lightly and with no judgment but your children should not be getting away with treating you that way. Unless there are SEN issues then it is just learnt behaviour.

Also, is it really worth you working opposite hours. I can understand it as a short term solution in the early days when you have multiple children in nursery, but I really can't imagine living like that with my husband long term and maintaining any kind of relationship and having no family days together. What's the point? Is there no way of shifting work? You going part time? Yes, I might be talking a drastic change- change of job, downsize house, move to cheaper area - but really your quality of life seems pretty miserable right now.