To literally cancel Christmas

[itsnotterrysitsmine]

Fully prepared to be told I am but here goes.
DH & I both work, me full time in a demanding, stressful job, DH part time at weekends long hours & decent money so one of us is always at work & the other has DC's. We've done this for childcare & financial reasons as no support network at all so all down to us 100% of the time (the last time we went out together without a child in tow was when I was pregnant with DC2 7 years ago).
The house is a permanent mess with us living out of washing baskets, I'm constantly chasing my tail with housework & never catch up. 2 oldest DC's (8 & nearly 7) are beyond lazy, leave wrappers lying around that inevitably end up on the floor / under furniture (doesn't matter how much we've nagged, reminded etc keeps happening), chuck dirty washing on the floor, leave scrunched up on the end of a bed / down the side of the bed (despite having a basket in their room), leave plates, cups wherever, get toys out & don't put them away. On top of this DC1 is beyond rude to me & DH, refuses to help (have to seriously loose it & confiscate all electrics to get him to help) & DC2 has always been a massive handful (overly rough in play, extremely stubborn, more you ask him to stop the more he does it / refuses to listen). Throw an active toddler in to the mix and well.... The house feels like a squat.
Things have come to a head this morning where yet again I'm spending my holiday / time off work running around like a twat trying to tidy up etc & get ready for Christmas. We got the tree out 2 weeks ago & the older DC were told we would not get decs out until they'd helped tidy the living room. The tree is still not decorated. This morning has been spent refereeing them, refusing to let DC1 just eat junk food, asking them for help to tidy up so we can enjoy the Christmas break & have some fun together which has ended with the usual refusals to help so I have taken the Xbox & tablets off them & sent them to their room. I've just come upstairs to find them watching TV in my room & when I told them that wasn't the point of them coming upstairs they have just laughed in my face like it's all a big joke. I have lost it with them, told them that they are rude, ungrateful & spoilt & that their behaviour is a disgrace.
I have sat sobbing for the last 20 minutes feeling like an utter failure in every way wondering why I bother when to be honest they really don't deserve anything, then feeling like an utter monster for feeling thinking it.

Your dcs sound spoilt and undisciplined. They're far too young to have an Xbox and a tablet as well.

Halfway through the thread was an update that things are better and eldest DC has helped tidy up.
All without any of the extreme advice on here, from hitting DC to moving out to ltb. Happy Christmas then!

Yeah but some posters don’t like the truth to stop them putting the boot in!

I take my hat off to you, parenting is hard. You sound really stressed and exhausted- which I guess you both are? Do you have any friends/family nearby that you can ask for help? Or even get a cleaner in once a week?

Do you need alone time where you do something for you? Often us mums get so lost in everything it’s weeks before we remember we haven’t had a heart to heart with anyone. Don’t be ashamed of how you feel.

It’s not easy juggling work, children, housework etc. You are doing a great job. Massive hugs xxx

@ woodchuck99 most parent's don’t get to rest more than 10 minutes. fact. if you do , you are incredibly lucky.

Rubbish. If both parents at home the weekend one can have a rest while the other looks after the children etc. I'm a parent. Most my friends are parents and we all manage more than 10 minutes rest. If you don't perhaps you should do less housework or cut down on something else because running yourself ragged is not worth it.

Thanks for the update Nelly, I'm glad its working out and without all the extremes.

No family time. Kids dont no whats happening. No structure. Time all together is important. Work isnt the bee all and end all.

IMO you’d be better off both working ft and outsourcing childcare and cleaning.

At least you’d have nice family weekends together in a clean peaceful house.

ah op hope you're feeling better and christmas is on track.

I'd really recommend the how to talk books.
might help with your older dc x

I stopped ‘doing Christmas’ over 20 years ago and have never regretted it - a fantastic decision for me. That is, I stopped doing Christmas cards and stopped buying presents😃
Instead I donate to a charity - usually Smiletrain. And give kids and grandkids money.

Highly recommended. Peaceful, happy guilt free Christmas.

Tomm method

Get a cleaner

Everyone has jobs to do, you, DH, and the kids.

No more snacks unless they bin the wrappers

No eating anywhere but the table

No more clean clothes unless they're in the basket

Im sorry you're having such a tough time. But, I think things need to get tougher before they get better - you and dh need to be super strict and have some basic rules in place for the kids and stick to them, rigidly, for months until it becomes second nature. No need for big blow ups confiscating things etc, just some basic rules and basic consequences Every. Single. Time.

Lids dont sound normal to me..... sorry but you are either in charge or you are failing. Stop being a doormat. Stop feeling famale guilt. You are a family everyone has a job/part or it won't t work. Get a grip

LOL LOL LOL LOL
This happens because you allow it! Stop doing what you do. They'll get the hang of it after about four days. And stop the bloody crying thing. They're so insensitive they probably haven't even noticed the crying thing. Try standing up for yourself. No one else will.