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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DDs partner for changing Xmas plans?

199 replies

MrsGrindah · 21/12/2019 09:29

We are having our close family meal later than Xmas Day. All arrangements agreed weeks ago. I’ve put a lot of effort into meal planning , gift buying but I enjoy that so not a problem. The problem is last night we found out that DDs boyfriend now won’t be joining us till about nine o’clock because he’s going to a rugby match! So either we delay everything of just leave him a plate and his gift fir when he comes in.
I know it’s not a major problem but I think it’s bloody rude. Seems like he’s no concept of the spending of time together etc. They will leave first thing the next day too. I won’t let it spoil Christmas but I am cross.Especially since it’s only a bloody local match!

OP posts:
CakeandCustard28 · 21/12/2019 09:30

I’d just dish him a plate and leave it in the microwave. If he’s not going to make the effort, why should you?

RhodaDendron · 21/12/2019 09:32

Yep, leave him a plate. 9pm! No way. Enjoy Christmas with those who can make it.

Ginfordinner · 21/12/2019 09:33

Why so late? Is the match not local or is he going out drinking afterwards?
I would just serve the meal at the time that suits you. He can go without or have leftovers.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/12/2019 09:33

Christmas or not, I was always raised to believe that if you have plans with someone, you can't then ditch them because something better comes along. So yes, I think he's been rude but I wouldn't let it spoil the day. Definitely don't make everyone wait until gone nine for their dinner on his account. Stick to your plans and leave a plate for him.

IdiotInDisguise · 21/12/2019 09:34

I wouldn’t even leave a plate out for him, the bloody cheek!

TwoOddSocks · 21/12/2019 09:35

YANBU that's very rude although he's probably just being thoughtless rather than deliberately rude. Definitely just leave him a plate the meal obviously isn't important to him so why should everyone else eat so late?

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 21/12/2019 09:35

Had he already planned to go to the match before your plans?

Original poster
MrsGrindah · 21/12/2019 09:35

Yes the match is local to him not us so he will go for a drink afterwards and then travel here. He won’t drink and drive though just to clarify!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGrindah · 21/12/2019 09:36

No he never mentioned the match before..just told us last night.

OP posts:
Shoppingwithmother · 21/12/2019 09:36

Don’t leave a plate of food for him - he can just eat something when he’s out.

00100001 · 21/12/2019 09:37

Just let did sort it out if she wants to. Otherwise he can make himself a sandwich or something when he gets in.

Murraygoldberg · 21/12/2019 09:37

Just leave a plate, I am assuming he is quite young. Christmas is probably not a big deal to him. I would just carry on with your plans and he can come late and pop it in the microwave himself

RhymingRabbit3 · 21/12/2019 09:37

Definitely rude. I wouldnt bother making up a plate as he will probably have eaten at the match and it will just make you more annoyed if he comes in and doesn't eat it all.

IncrediblySadToo · 21/12/2019 09:38

The local match at Christmas is a ‘never missed’ match for lots of people, so if he’s a supporter I’m not surprised he’s going or that it’s a priority for him.

However, he should have found out when it was before saying he’d come to yours - if he was asked? DD might just have assumed he could/would be there?

Your family spending time together is lovely for you, but he’s allowed to have other interests/commitments/plans - without you taking it personally.

AltheaVestr1t · 21/12/2019 09:39

Meh. This wouldn’t bother me. It’s only one person. Don’t change your plans, leave a plate to be warmed in the microwave later.

Original poster
MrsGrindah · 21/12/2019 09:41

Feel hurt by it too. He’s 30 by the way.its not just about the food it’s the fact that it’s our family Xmas day. He’s been part of our family for a few years now so I thought we were close.

MinisterforCheekyFuckeryWhat a perfect name for this scenario! I shall tell him I have consulted you!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 21/12/2019 09:41

As others have said just have your dinner and leave him some I think it is bloody rude though is your Dd not annoyed ?

Ginfordinner · 21/12/2019 09:42

If he is drinking afterwards I expect 9 pm is a rather optimistic time for him to turn up. Expect him when you see him.

Original poster
MrsGrindah · 21/12/2019 09:43

I wouldn’t have minded if he’d said it from the outset...it’s the fact that he has only just decided to go and doesn’t see or care about everyone else

OP posts:
FuckOffBoris · 21/12/2019 09:43

"OK then" and carry on with your plans. If he is going for a drink afterwards time may run away and he won't get back until even later, you don't want to be waiting for the drunk late arrival to all eat! Tell him you are eating at whatever time do he should get something out, there's bread in the kitchen and he can make a sandwich.

Don't criticise him to your daughter though - she is probably upset and embarrassed.

HappydaysArehere · 21/12/2019 09:43

Again definitely ignore his absence and have your meal as planned. Ten to one he will have eaten by the time he gets to you. However, if you dish him out a plate for the microwave later you don’t have to think about it or do anything when he arrives.

Original poster
MrsGrindah · 21/12/2019 09:44

Yes DD is annoyed and embarrassed ( not that she should be embarrassed)

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 21/12/2019 09:45

Leave him to it.
Do not accommodate the ungrateful tosser.

Namelessinseattle · 21/12/2019 09:46

Does he do it every year?

BettysLeftTentacle · 21/12/2019 09:46

I do t understand why this would change your plans.

He won’t be there until 9pm so he’ll be missing dinner. That’s it. He can have his presents when he comes in or the next day, that’s hardly a big deal.

I don’t understand why you’re hurt. Just because you see him as family it doesn’t mean he has to do everything you subscribe to do at Christmas. He wants to do his own thing, there’s nothing wrong with that. This is exactly what turns Christmas from a lovely, relaxing, quality time into a stressful, anxiety filled family feud fest. Is it really worth it?