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AIBU?

To think three is too young for hot food?

191 replies

thefluffysideofgrey · 17/12/2019 06:49

As in very hot, straight out of the oven, will burn you if you touch or bite it hot?

My DH is adamant that our son needs to learn how to deal with it. This has resulted in screams and food being thrown across the room. I don't blame him.

Am I being precious?

OP posts:

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DecemberSnow · 17/12/2019 10:59

metro.co.uk/2019/10/10/man-killed-fishcake-hot-burned-throat-10894623/

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SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2019 11:06

Regardless of whether people on here teach their kids to blow, or faff t it's cool, the worrying thing here is a 3 Yr old is burning himself on his good and his Dad thinks tough, that'll teach him.

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CottonSock · 17/12/2019 11:08

Wow. I still let food cool for my 3.5 yo and 6yo. Especially things like lasagne

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QueSera · 17/12/2019 11:09

Your husband sounds awful.
It's up to you and him to teach DS how to tell when food is cool enough to eat (break it up, blow, test etc) - not just let him burn his mouth. Would your husband just let DS free in the street to learn that cars are dangerous? Good god, I feel so sorry for you and your DS living with someone like that.

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Rezie · 17/12/2019 11:11

I'm almost 30 and I still don't eat burning hot food straight form the oven. Maybe my parents should have toughen me up but I still manage ok in life. What next? The 3yo needs to use his bare hands to take the dish from the oven?

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Whathappenedtothelego · 17/12/2019 11:11

Tbh I have always served food straight from the oven, pan etc. I like my food piping hot.

I used to say "careful, it's hot". Or I might suggest starting with the peas for example, as they are cooler I don't think I needed to say that by 3 - now the only person who regularly burns their mouth is DH.

But you shouldn't do it if a child isn't able to wait. You say he doesn't manage when he is tired - can he start learning when he is wide awake and less hungry, but you always take care to cool his evening meal?

Some people do prefer food hotter or cooler anyway, and I think it depends on what you are used to. I would never dream of trying to cool my own food down, I like it as hot as possible, always heat my plate before serving up, usually eat from a bowl to retain heat etc, drink tea from a pre-heated mug as soon as I have poured it out. DC are heading the same way as me.
DH blows on his food and eats from a cold plate, and enjoys lukewarm tea.
Maybe your H enjoys hot food and hasn't thought it through.

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maddening · 17/12/2019 11:20

You could do it by bringing it over when still a bit hot and saying "let's test the temperature", you both check it and say "oh no too hot, let it cool down" then checking it again until it is the right temperature.

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carly2803 · 17/12/2019 11:20

what a dickhead he is - there are better wayrs to show them!! this isnt it

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DancingPyjamas · 17/12/2019 11:21

Your husband is a bully.
I would be removing food from the oven and shoving it straight into his mouth. See how he likes it!
No one, unless they have a mouth made from asbestos can tolerate high temps in their mouths.
You need to tell him straight. He is causing physical harm to his child and that is abuse.

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chloxox08 · 17/12/2019 11:21

You can teach a child about hot/cold food without letting them physically burn them self from it if he doesn't understand much atm then he defiantly will in 6-12 months time. Your husband is ridiculous.

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Pfefferkuchen · 17/12/2019 11:33

CAN OP TELL US IF THE FATHER IS FORCING HIS CHILD TO EAT BURNING HOT FOOD or merely serving it and telling him to wait thefluffysideofgrey

saving him from badly burning himself out of the house because he's only ever been in touch with tepid food at home

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Pfefferkuchen · 17/12/2019 11:34

to add: if anyone is forcing a child to eat burning hot food and the mother is staying in that house, the mother is just as abusive as the father.. just saying.

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EpcotForever · 17/12/2019 11:37

Can't you take the food from the oven, take the 3yr olds and cut it, then dish yours and DH up. By the time you've sorted that, it should be ok to be placed in front of him and say, X and Y might still be hot, so eat some of Z first.

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81Byerley · 17/12/2019 11:41

Make blowing on his food a game. I used to pull funny faces whilst I did it. Also make sure you dish his up first.. Nothing to stop you using a slotted spoon to take out his veg before you drain it. Same with rice and pasta, then by the time you've drained and served yours, his should be a bit cooler.
Incidentally , when my son was staying with an Indian family in Kerala, he kept removing an 8 month old baby from the table where she kept going towards a kerosene lamp. The grandmother didn't speak any English, but he could tell she was getting impatient with him. Eventually she picked the baby up, held her close to the lamp and let her touch the base. She stopped crawling on the table after that. My son said he definitely understood Grandma was saying "That's how you teach her!"

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ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere · 17/12/2019 11:44

except that doesn't teach them anything does it?

it teaches them that you can eat something straight away

What lesson does daddy giving food straight from the oven teach? Don't trust the food daddy gives you?

I'd honestly rather my three year old trusted food, and the people around him to keep him safe than have learned a life lesson as a toddler with a burnt mouth.

But OP had been very vague as you say, we really don't know what happens. If her partner is sat next to the child teaching him to blow on the food and be patient, engaging and explaining. Or plonking searing chicken nuggets in front of a kid and wandering off. Given that the food is being thrown and the child is upset, I suspect somewhere closer to the latter.

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hsegfiugseskufh · 17/12/2019 11:49

totheregiment I give my child food straight out of the oven, and funnily enough he trusts me because I have taught him properly. He is entirely safe.

OP also said that the child is often tired when he eats, I suspect that has more to do with the throwing than the temperature does.

I suspect OP is being a little dramatic.

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MoonlightMistletoe · 17/12/2019 12:03

YANBU! You don't give children hot drinks so they don't get burnt so why give hot food!

I take the food out of the oven, cut it up for the littler ones so it can cool and the right size for them then dish the adults up.
If there's steam it's clearly too hot!

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PureAlchemy · 17/12/2019 12:05

Giving a small child too hot food without warning them it’s too hot, or teaching them how to deal with too hot food, is clearly unreasonable. And cruel.

Although it’s not clear whether OP’s DH is actively trying to teach their 3 yr old about things like waiting a few minutes, testing the temperature before taking a big bite, blowing on the food, starting at the edges where it’s usually cooler and so on.
3 yr olds can learn that sort of stuff if there’s an adult sitting with them and teaching them what to do.

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Juliette20 · 17/12/2019 12:10

People in my house range between the ages of 10 and 80. I let very hot food such as lasagne or Shepherd's Pie sit out of the oven for a few minutes and don't hurry about serving it so it is cooled down a bit for everyone. There is no need to make a cruel point with a 3 year old, though you can teach him to start from the side, blow on food etc without it needing to be volcanic and scalding temperatures to so do, so you can prepare him for when it might be outside your control in a restaurant. But even in a restaurant, I was still blowing on food, chopping it up, stirring it etc to cool it down, when DDs were that age.

There is no set age by when they have to learn these things and there is no need to let them fall into a fire to know that things are hot.

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recycledbottle · 17/12/2019 12:54

I don't serve food straight from the oven for anyone, including myself, so don't know why I would serve it like that to a child. I never did the blow test. When we get at in a restaurant we tell DS to be careful and he usually waits a min if it too hot but just puts it to his lip. Don't get this at all

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RachelEllenR · 17/12/2019 12:55

I agree with your husband but you both need to teach him. I tell my children if something is especially hot and ask if they'd like me to cut it up so it cools faster but do it at the table with the plate in front of them. It isn't an issue and they know to check. Been doing this for a long time and my youngest is only just 4.

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paranoidmum2 · 17/12/2019 12:56

I saw a mum and dad serve the hot cauliflower dish at Pret the other day to their 3 and 5 year olds. The dad tried to help the 3 yo who screamed blue murder and insisted on managing himself

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ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere · 17/12/2019 13:02

I give my child food straight out of the oven, and funnily enough he trusts me because I have taught him properly. He is entirely safe.

How old is he if you don't mind me asking? I wouldn't give my (just turned 3 yo) child food straight out of the oven because it's too hot to eat and I don't see the point.

I wouldn't eat something that would burn my mouth so I wouldn't serve it to him like that. Different strokes.

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Pfefferkuchen · 17/12/2019 13:06

I wouldn't give my (just turned 3 yo) child food straight out of the oven because it's too hot to eat and I don't see the point.

I do - that's why I do it too. The point is getting them into the habit of checking their food and be safe the day you don't check it for them.

It's not about temperature, but my kids nurseries only allowed children to start eating when everybody else was served. Basic table manners. They all waited patiently from pretty much day one. Of course a 3 year old can learn to wait (not talking about a 6 months old baby obviously)

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hsegfiugseskufh · 17/12/2019 13:09

totheregiment

he is 3. I serve his when I serve everyone elses. I tell him its hot, he leaves it a minute or blows it! He has never burned his mouth.

I don't eat things that burn my mouth either, I am able to do the same as my 3yo surprisingly.

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