To be totally fed up regarding Christmas arrangements?

[checkedcloth]

It’s the same every year. I work in the NHS - so only get 25th and 26th off. I essentially do 80% of all the Christmas organising

I do all the Food planning and cooking. We always have Christmas at ours - never had an invite elsewhere. My parents come to us and so I’m catering for 4 adults and our 2 DCs (Both under 10) My mother will bang on about many calories anything has and never shows any appreciation for the effort I make

I’m just fed up with all the hard work but yet I’m the one with the least time off. Everyone expects Christmas dinner on the 26th too.

I could leave it up to DH but the reality is it will be crap. He can hardly cook and that’s not fair on the kids or me actually in that I’d like a decent meal.

I’ve organised all the gifts and yet I know he hasn’t got me anything so far. He’ll be hoping u just choose something to make it easier for him. In the midst of Christmas is my birthday which will come and go given the time of year.

I just feel fed up with it all. I hear lots of people
Saying they are looking forward to Christmas but yet I just see it as two days of slog then back to work.

I’ve tried to explain to DH how I feel but he just doesn’t seem to get it and thinks I’m just moaning.

I could down tools and let him get on with it but then it will be a let down for the DCS which I can’t allow.

Firstly, thank you @checkedcloth for all that you do, nursing can be a bit of a thankless job and I certainly wouldn't be willing to do the stuff you do for family let alone strangers.

Secondly, we are really lucky that my lovely, lovely sister makes Christmas dinner for us. Apparently it is a breeze as she only caters for 10 people whereas on my BIL's side of the family it is 30+.

On Christmas Eve I make a ham joint. I use an Instant pot to cook the ham, cut slices half way down the ham and pour mustard maple brown sugar glaze over it, into the oven to heat through the glaze. Served with crispy roast potatoes and veg.

On boxing day the left over ham is served with crusty bread, a cheese board, chutneys, and grapes. Simple, delicious, no effort. Dessert is Magnum ice lollies.

As PPs have said, start doing it the way you want, if your Mum comments she doesn't come next year. If she is unhappy with what you do then she can do what she wants in her own home and she can visit you but not for dinner.

While I kind of get it... 6 people? It's just a slightly fancy Sunday lunch? I managed 21 people last year...

Why are you doing it two days in a row? Can't you go out for lunch? Your DH is being purposefully thick so he doesn't have to do it btw. Everyone can cook if they just try and pay attention to recipes and then practice

Make Boxing Day left overs a new tradition.
We always have cold turkey and ham and bubble and squeak. My daughter likes it better than Xmas lunch and so do I.
If your parents are being given Xmas and Boxing Day food then they should be grateful.
Happy Christmas.

I've hosted for 27 years - used to be 10ish. Dwindled to 5 some years recently but picking up as dc bring partners to some meals.

To be fair the prep and cooking is like falling off a log. The unquantifiable bit is being responsible for it being fab and for other people's pleasure.

Whilst I'd probably hate it I have fantasies about Christmas with just DH in a pristine apartment. Champagne, smoked salmon and tv in bed.

Do an online shop, buy the necessary ingredients, then have a massive migraine on the day, stay in bed, so everyone else has to pitch in. Miraculously rise from bed when it’s ready. Friend did this claiming noro virus. We did all the work. She ate a hearty dinner. All was fine.

Cancel Christmas fir everyone except your dh and kids.

Go out for dinner maybe? You deserve the break op x

I worked as a nurse for over 25 years and worked about 20 of those Christmas Days. I would come home from work and cook a full Christmas dinner for 8 to 12 people. I loved Christmas and wasn’t going to let work put me off it.
I’m retired now and live with my daughter and her family. She too is a nurse and will be on the night shift this December 25th. She’s doing a dinner for ten at 2pm and has told them that they all have to skedaddle after so that she can have a rest before going into work 🤣. I think it’s as stressful as you make it. Keep your chin up and take some deep breaths when it threatens to overwhelm you 💐🍾 for you x

I wish I could up your post.. makes perfect sense. and I would add, go buy yourself a much deserved Birthday present, at whatever cost you can afford without telling DH. Good luck

OP just wanted to say thank you for the incredible job you do for the NHS. You are an absolute hero and have all my respect and gratitude.

Your mum sounds like a massive pain. One of the phrases that has helped me in dealing with people like that is to say to myself 'you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them'.

If you haven't had counselling to process your upbringing I would strongly recommend in the future. It's been a lifesaver with me.

I hope you get a proper break this Christmas period and that 2020 has much more 'you' time in it. You so deserve it!

Tell your ungrateful mother that you have decided to simplify Boxing Day to save on calories

Have a relaxing Boxing Day and serve up a lovely buffet of leftover meats, salad, pickles, cheeses, crisps - send DH out to get crusty bread, sausage rolls etc.

If you fancy a little effort you could add some bubble and squeak, turkey soup or Scandi "Potatisbollar med skinka" (basically mashed potato mixed with chopped ham, formed into burger shapes and fried in a frying pan)

Inject extra fat in to your Mothers portion I’m sure you know how to use a hypodermic needle :) I’m joking obviously.

Seriously don’t try and have a conversation with her, I’m from a family with a hideous mother. Two of us just knew she would never change and got in with it. The other four always hoped she would just be nice just the once. When she died a couple of years ago the ones that had always hoped really suffered. One of my sisters had a breakdown.

Ditch your mum and dad and have quiet Christmas with ONE lunch and leftovers prepped for you on Boxing Day.

It’s bad enough that it’s your only two days off but someone who moans and analyses every bite? No way.

"Ditch your mum and dad and have quiet Christmas with ONE lunch and leftovers prepped for you on Boxing Day."

Tbh that's what I also think that Op should do.

Plenty of time for them to get their own stuff in.

So I just said 'you either help or fuck off home'. She went home and then phoned half an hour later and demanded my Dad plate up a dinner for her and take it home for her. I told her to 'fuck off' and put the phone down.

What a nightmare! Was your dad embarrassed??