To be totally fed up regarding Christmas arrangements?

[checkedcloth]

It’s the same every year. I work in the NHS - so only get 25th and 26th off. I essentially do 80% of all the Christmas organising

I do all the Food planning and cooking. We always have Christmas at ours - never had an invite elsewhere. My parents come to us and so I’m catering for 4 adults and our 2 DCs (Both under 10) My mother will bang on about many calories anything has and never shows any appreciation for the effort I make

I’m just fed up with all the hard work but yet I’m the one with the least time off. Everyone expects Christmas dinner on the 26th too.

I could leave it up to DH but the reality is it will be crap. He can hardly cook and that’s not fair on the kids or me actually in that I’d like a decent meal.

I’ve organised all the gifts and yet I know he hasn’t got me anything so far. He’ll be hoping u just choose something to make it easier for him. In the midst of Christmas is my birthday which will come and go given the time of year.

I just feel fed up with it all. I hear lots of people
Saying they are looking forward to Christmas but yet I just see it as two days of slog then back to work.

I’ve tried to explain to DH how I feel but he just doesn’t seem to get it and thinks I’m just moaning.

I could down tools and let him get on with it but then it will be a let down for the DCS which I can’t allow.

I hear you. The last couple of years I've felt like Christmas was just a lot of hard work then zip! back to work and no rest. (I do like the festive run up with friends however).
This year (to save me from tears) I'm going somewhere hot and sunny with my lovely DD and we can't wait.

Does your DH ever cook during the rest of the year? If not, make sure that changes from now on.

Why do you do a Christmas Dinner on Boxing Day too? This year, don’t.

What do the other 3 adults do in the house whilst you are in the kitchen? Please tell me they at least do all the clearing up.

Stuff what anyone “expects”!

Serve whatever you and the DC would most enjoy on xmas day. Leftovers boxing day.

Specify nice Christmas AND birthday gift options for your DH to get you.

If you don’t enjoy your parents’ company on xmas day, and they’ve not shown appreciation, stop inviting them!

Prep everything beforehand.
Shove roast in the oven.
Put everything on the table - adults can serve themselves, then your mum doesn't need to help herself to anything 'fattening' she can just eat sprouts.
Boxing Day everyone fends for themselves.
I'm in retail, we only get Christmas Day off. You learn to streamline.

Tell your husband that he’s in charge of Boxing Day meal. It can just be buffet food which I’m sure he’s perfectly capable of buying at the supermarket and bunging on plates.
Buy yourself a nice present and give it to him to wrap, it’s a bit crap but at least you’ll have a nice thing to open.

On boxing day we have bubble and squeak from leftovers, meats, cheeses, pickles, pate, crackers etc

Your post reminded me of a ex colleague who was older than me . She'd have her 2 grown up daughters saying with her and her dh from Christmas Eve till new year and would make a roast dinner every day !! . I was like wtf when do you get a rest? She didn't you see as it's what's she's always done so was expected of her . Don't be like her or you'll still be doing this when your dc are all grown up cooking for them .

Christmas dinner in my house is a family affair. Ever since we were old enough my sister and I have helped with preparation. My Nan sits at the table and peels vegetables and afterwards DM sits down whilst the men wash up and tidy away. Boxing Day is leftovers, usually a cold buffet with some potatoes. Make life easier for yourself! If they don’t like it just say ‘there’s the kitchen, you’re quite welcome to cook your own lunch’

Apart from all the work which has been discussed above , are you not allowed to book any annual leave on top of the bank holidays if you want more time?

I was once in this situation, and I also thought I had to make everything from scratch (make a Christmas pudding and cake, etc)
Then I realised I did not have to make everything myself, especially as no one really ate all that super high calorie stodgy food.
So, Get your parents to bring the Xmas Day dessert, which saves you having to worry.
Buy everything prepared from the supermarket (including the vegetables).
We always eat ham and cheese (anti pasti and various types if cheese) on Boxing Day, with any left over meat. This with crusty bread saves a lot of work.

We get Christmas day off. We lock the door, tell everyone to stay away and eat pizza!

Stop the big dinner on Boxing Day for a start!

Cold turkey/ham, jacket potatoes, bread, cheese, salad, with chutney and pickled onions, is all we ever have here on Boxing Day, and v likely on the 27th, too.
Get your dh to,prep veg, or buy ready-done.
I don't understand your mother moaning about calories. Nobody's forcing her to eat a lot of roast potatoes or mince pies, are they? She can just have turkey and veg, or bring something she likes.

It's your dh's job - and anyone else's - to clear away and wash up. No discussion. Put your feet up!

My dh doesn't cook, never really has, at least partly down to the very long hours he used to work - but he invariably clears up, which suits me fine - and I'm a messy cook.

I think you’re not being clear enough in your communications or expectation. You have turned into a servant.
Not too late for this year.

Give husband a Father Christmas letter with specific details of what you want. Allow him some choice but be clear you do expect a decent present.

I usually tell my children what I want and they convey very clearly to their father. You could pack him off to late Christmas shopping with the children so he and they (funded by him) all have a chance to buy something.
Then speak to you’re mother and tell her what you’d like her to bring. She could do the Christmas pudding and mince pies, maybe. She could also heat it and serve it. She might like to feel included in kitchen stuff.

Then food prep on Christmas Eve get everyone sitting at the table. Everyone can peel potatoes, carrots, parsnips sprouts. Make stuffing with the children. Tell your husband to fetch a takeaway or cook supper whilst you prepare table for next day with the children. Involve them all. Children like helping and being useful. Children like cooking.

Give specific jobs for Christmas Day.
Emptying bin
Washing up pans
Loading dishwasher
Wiping table mats
Lighting candles
Making gravy
Carving
Etc etc. Share out the jobs very clearly. People will probably be happier if allowed to participate rather than watching you being a martyr.

Op, I do sympathise, but as pp have said, you are letting this go on and on and on, every year.

1. DH does all the food shopping so you have everything prepped. Make it simple & have plenty of salad options (dressing aside for your mom)
2. Ask parents to contribute: wine, dessert, cheese, whatever you need

1. Stop the dinner on the 26thz

Start making life easier for yourself. Buy it all pre-prepared, and ask your dh to work out the timings, and shove things in the oven. Give him birthday and Christmas ideas, and don't accept him or anyone else ignoring your birthday. Ask your parents to help and bring stuff too.

Buy (if affordable) everything preprepared so at least you can just bung it in and make dh clear up. And say next year you want Christmas to just be the four if you, or somewhere else!

Your family have got too used to using you as a slave.
Don't moan and expect them to find solutions this year - they won't have a clue.
Firstly dole out jobs now - dp can sort boxing day food, kids can do all clearing away, ask mum if she wants smaller plate or to bring her own meal.
Secondly take the easier approach where possible - preprepped food, ready made desserts, if still buying presents then pay for gift wrapping, go out for meals or decide on takeaways for certain ones. Depending on how finances are arranged I would throw money at it, use the money that would have been spent on DH or one of his 'luxuries' that he spends on and think of it as your present to yourself...

I voted yabu. You are an adult and can control this situation. You can make some changes this year. Tell your DPs that they are in charge of Boxing Day meal or just make something much easier.

Next year sit your DH down at the beginning of November and divide up the Christmas jobs.

Your DH has a full year to learn to cook for next time.

Boxing Day is a no cook zone in my house. We always have a buffet with cold meats, crisps, dips, cheese etc and people help themselves. This means I get to play with my daughter and enjoy her presents rather than being stuck in a kitchen for 2 days straight while Christmas passes me by. I actually prefer Boxing Day to Christmas Day! Just a suggestion :)

Why would anyone want another Christmas dinner on Boxing Day? That’s bizarre.

I do all the Christmas prep in my house, NHS too. It used to really get to me but I've got used to it now. Not sure I'd like DH getting involved with my system.
The dinner thing is awful. And the fact that your mum complains about the calories is just the icing on the cake. I'd be stabbing the turkey imagining terrible things.
I'd definitely knock the Boxing Day cooking on the head and do leftovers or picky bits. And suggest your mum does one of the days next year.

1. Go out for Christmas dinner to a restaurant
2. Only buy gifts for your dc
3. Stop doing Christmas dinner on the 26th too

On christmas eve i just order takeout for the family therefore the kitchen is clean and ready

on christmas day i cook the meat in the slow cooker and veg in the steamer makes life easier .My other half does the cleaning i do the cooking as he cant cook.

for my presents my other half was caring had the heart but was a bit lost at the beginning of our relationship.So i introduced the sock swap which my parents did something similar.I gave him my stocking and i took his.I told him all the small things i am going to give you on christmas like chocolates ,mugs,socks,bath stuff or any little things we will put in here and one big present each under the tree.At first he gave me lip balm some chocolate wasn't very good but it was the thought that counted.After a few years together hes gotten much better at it and we both enjoy the tradition.Plus to help i made a amazon wishlist for myself to help him

for boxing day its left over day i always cook to much on christmas for a reason.I buy loads of snacks and strait to oven party food.So boxing day is left over and party food day.No cooking just relaxing

Me,mum and brother are all chipping in to sort out xmas dinner so it doesnt fall on one person.Ive told dh and ds that I'm doing naff all xmas eve and boxing day,they'll be plenty of food it so get it yourself.Its everyone's xmas including mine!