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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DU never locks the bloody door

265 replies

Saitama · 16/12/2019 01:27

Title really, we moved to a new house recently and DH so far 6 times (not that I’m counting... Hmm ) has left the front door unlocked. We live on a main road so the front door is easily accessible. We also have dogs so if they jumped at or knocked the door handle it could open, they could escape and get run over as well as all our stuff being stolen. Fab!

I find this absolutely infuriating. He doesn’t take it seriously, says he will lock it next time and promises to lock it as soon as he gets in, but 6 chances later and he still leaves it unlocked and now I obviously don’t trust him.

I’ve taken his house keys and our car key from him and said I’ll have to let him in and out of the house like a child. I don’t trust him with the car key because how can I know he’s locking the car if he can’t even lock the house door? I’ve told him he has to get a bus to work now. Too harsh? AIBU?

How do I make him lock the fking door!?!? I don’t want to have to babysit the keys but what choice do I have? I looked at getting an auto lock as a secondary lock but it’s a upvc door so I’m unsure you can even get it for that type, and frankly why should I have to spend money on that when as an adult DH should just be able to lock the door normally? ARGH! Angry

OP posts:
purplebunny2012 · 17/12/2019 17:51

Change to a lock that locks when you close the door

Katlia · 17/12/2019 17:58

I have all sympathy with you. This has been my life for three years. My husband stays up until all hours and goes in and out of the house leaving the house unlocked as does my stepson. I’ve begged, cried, pleaded, shouted all to no avail. I had a Yale lock installed so that it automatically was locked to a certain extent and what does he do? He leaves it on the snip all. Things have got so Much worse since stepson turned 18 and works through the week until midnight and is out till 4 am in the morning. I just lie awake waiting for them before I have to go down and lock up. If anyone has any bright ideas I’d love to hear them

purplebunny2012 · 17/12/2019 18:00

We live in an extremely quiet road, but my husband would kill me if I didn't lock the front door at all times I was in the house

manicmij · 17/12/2019 18:12

Get a lock that 'locks' when the door is pulled closed and you need a key to get back in. I take it does actually pull the door behind him when he goes out.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 17/12/2019 18:12

If he’s acting like a child treat him like one. Sounds like an utter Pratt

LaraLondon1 · 17/12/2019 18:16

I have a similar partner who doesn’t lock the door even when our child was prone to sleepwalking and our apartment is up a flight of stairs !!
That’s a few years ago now and I just do it every nite , when I’m Away i text for peace of mind to remind him.
So I think your actions should have more affect on him which I am for !

Katlia · 17/12/2019 18:20

@manicmij I did that but my husband just puts the snip on so he can go in and out without the key

woodchuck99 · 17/12/2019 18:24

Burglars wandering through an unlocked door/window won't be insured when they leave with the family silver...

So everyone has to sit indoors with closed and locked windows? Do you never open a window on a hot day?

manicmij · 17/12/2019 18:25

Only option left - break his finger!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 17/12/2019 18:25

Hardly being a 'snobby twat', our car is 7yrs old and comes with central locking, as do most cars under 10yrs old as standard.

My current 15 plate car has central locking but I do have to press a button on the fob to lock and unlock it. It will re lock if I unlock it but don’t open a door though.

I test drove a brand new version at the weekend IF we decide to go for it (unsure re automatic vs manual) then it will cost around £32k but I will still need to press a button on the fob to lock the car! Central locking is commonplace but auto locking is NOT.

As for the door you can certainly get a Yale type lock on a UPVC door. TBH I’ve lived in two houses as a child and had three front doors on this house (one was UPVC) and I’ve never had a front door where you could get in from outside without a key but they will all open from inside without a key unless double locked. I’ve only had back doors that can be opened from outside without a key.

JustASmallTownCurl · 17/12/2019 18:27

@Katlia

I did that but my husband just puts the snip on so he can go in and out without the key

What is his reasoning for this?! I don't get why he's doing something that makes you feel unsafe rather than wanting you to feel safe. It's a totally reasonable thing to ask of him that he has his key on him... he sounds like a bit of a dick tbh.

FelicisNox · 17/12/2019 18:27

You need a different lock, one that locks automatically so you're not in a perpetual state of fear.

YANBU and despite the hysterical wailings of the usual drama queens it is NOT abuse. You are not doing it to control him, you are doing it to keep yourself safe and if the crackpots on this thread can't tell the difference then it says more about them than you.

Get someone out to sort the door out and your DH is paying.

EpcotForever · 17/12/2019 18:41

Op, is he not locking it once he's home or when he's going out?

Amanlamp100 · 17/12/2019 18:42

I think women can equally do this.. we learnt the hard way last year and I have now changed my routine completely.. our front door I always locked now and our side we have to lock in bad weather as it is so old he keeps flying open!! 😄😄 I have my car key and all other keys on one bunch, I lock the door of the car and then leave all keys in the back door locked.. maybe your DH could get into that habit perhaps...

Jeeperscreepers69 · 17/12/2019 18:42

If the tables were turned all these people on here would be saying leave him hes a monster controlling you. How intetesting. You sound like a proper dick. Hes a grown man not a child stop treating him like a fool. Or he will find someone that treats him correctly.

Amanlamp100 · 17/12/2019 18:42

Sorry about the typos 😄

corythatwas · 17/12/2019 18:43

leave your doors unlocked then you've had plenty of training to fight against a potential burglar/rapist

If I was so scared of rapists I couldn't be in the house without locking the door, I could never sit in the garden or do any gardening, could I? How do people deal with this if they are so frightened?

Burglary makes more sense, because of the insurance.

PeggySuehadababy · 17/12/2019 18:45

Most men don’t understand the fear that women experience every single day. That low level awareness you have to always have turned on when you are not behind a locked door

Ehm, no, not all women feel like this. We live in London and don't knock the door dhring the day. In fact, the people I know who've burgled had it happen when they were away and all the doors were locked.

The car keys is something I wouldn't feel happy about, if my husband did it to me.

PeggySuehadababy · 17/12/2019 18:46

Not knock but lock.

And who've been burgled

madcatladyforever · 17/12/2019 18:46

Why is he being such a twat? My ex husband used to do things like this all the time because he needed to prove I was wrong all of the time and he was right. He's just do it on purpose and I susoect your husband is too.
There is no way he could have forgotten 6 times.
Well he needs to pull his socks up, this kind of pathetic behaviour can lead to divorce, does he want that.

Katlia · 17/12/2019 18:48

@JustASmallTownCurl well basically our house is an old cottage with an annexe and access to the annexe and garden is only through the door at the front of the property. The dogs sleep in the annexe at night time so he insists on being up late and having the dogs with him. He can't be bothered to take the key with him so he puts the snip on. Really there are no excuses. I've tried everything and he doesn't listen and neither does my stepson

81Byerley · 17/12/2019 18:48

My Aunt and Uncle had a call from the police at 2am, asking if my aunt had lost her handbag. The police had stopped two 14 year olds who had walked in their back door and nicked her bag whilst they were in the next room, and they hadn't heard a thing.

corythatwas · 17/12/2019 18:52

Agree, Peggy, I don't know many women who feel this either: most seem quite happy to potter around their gardens or have the kitchen door open in the summer to pop in and out or let children beyond toddlerhood play in the garden (where I suppose they could be snatched by someone climbing over the wall).
We live in a city, in an area that has its share of problems.
But if I was that afraid of being attacked, I don't see how I could manage my everyday life: waiting alone at bus stops (and surely lonely carparks are even worse?), walking home after dark, sitting alone in the office. I'd have to give up work, that's for sure.
I can see the point of taking reasonable precautions, but the assumption that all women are constantly fearful if not locked in does seem a step far.

LouH1981 · 17/12/2019 18:57

I think I’d just stick a note on the door at head height reminding him so no way he can’t see it.

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 17/12/2019 19:07

My partner does this: when I met him he said he had nothing worth stealing, therefore was lax about security. When I moved in I brought my jewellery, some of which is expensive, and a lot of which belonged to my late mother, so is precious to me. I get so frustrated that he is so cavalier about my possessions which are absolutely irreplaceable. Definitely not unreasonable.