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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get upset at husband for his past

178 replies

Pep89 · 15/12/2019 19:41

I'm almost certain I am being unreasonable here but, even knowing that, I still feel upset and I'm not even sure why.

My husband and I were chatting after bedroom time and I said that I'd maybe want to try something in the near future and, even though we've talked about this certain thing before, this time he told me that he had done it with a previous girlfriend. We've been together for 10 years and I feel almost betrayed even though this happened before he even knew me. I don't know if I'm jealous or upset that he's only just told me. I just know that I'm upset about it and I don't know why?

OP posts:
busybarbara · 15/12/2019 19:43

Unless he was a sheltered virgin when you met him you can’t realistically believe he has never done or experienced things before meeting you. So I suspect you really are judging the activity you’re suggesting rather than his past.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 19:45

What’s the thing?

StCharlotte · 15/12/2019 19:45

Well it obviously depends what "it" is. Even so it certainly sounds like YABU from here.

I can't actually think of anything that I could be jealous about if DH had done it with a previous girlfriend.

Soontobe60 · 15/12/2019 19:45

You are also BU for calling it 'bedroom time' 😳

Louise91417 · 15/12/2019 19:45

Its probably just one of those bits of information you could have lived without knowing and now that you do know..i suspect whatever it was you were considering trying has lost its lustre...back to drawing board and find something to try thats totally new for you bothHmm

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 15/12/2019 19:46

Depends on the thing!

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 19:46

Anal?

Brimful · 15/12/2019 19:47

Yes, YABU! It's in his past. We all have those.

MsMellivora · 15/12/2019 19:47

Unless someone’s health is at risk what is the point of knowing all this. He didn’t even know you then.

CherryBowl · 15/12/2019 19:51

I hope sees tabs why it makes you feel weird.

But he’s ten years in and yours now.

Try and keep things in the present and whatever it is, I hope you give it a jolly good go and it’s so good it wipes all other attempts from his pyjamas.

SweetAsSpice · 15/12/2019 19:53

Betrayed? Come on OP you didn’t know he existed!

Pixilicious · 15/12/2019 19:55

@Soontobe60 that’s what I was going to put!

CalleighDoodle · 15/12/2019 19:58
Hmm
PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 19:58

Is this a reverse?

Original poster
Pep89 · 15/12/2019 19:59

Just to add, I'm not angry at him for any of this (I guess the title was a bit misleading on that point) but I still feel upset even though I know that's unreasonable and totally on me. And I was wondering if anyone else has had that feeling. I think it's something to do with he didn't mention it for 10 years and I'm partly surprised and finding it hard to label my emotions right now.

Also sorry about not being explicit and using the phrase "bedroom time", I wasn't sure what words were allowed as some message boards block posts with certain words in.

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 15/12/2019 19:59

I sort of understand.

Say you were desperate to see the pyramids. All your life you wanted to see the pyramids: you meet Mr Right, you love him, you want to do everything together.

Except he’s seen the pyramids before (with his ex) and just isn’t interested in pyramids anymore.

Meaning you’re left with the double whammy of still not having seen the pyramids, he has, he shared that experience with another and even though he knows how much you want to see the pyramids he still won’t be drawn on it.

I get it. IF it’s something like that.

TheWeatherGirl1 · 15/12/2019 20:01

The use of the phrase 'Bedroom Time' has cheered me right up and I was in a shocking mood, so thanks

Janaih · 15/12/2019 20:02

Is it a threesome Confused

wictional · 15/12/2019 20:02

Totally using “seeing the pyramids” as a euphemism now misses point

Nicknacky · 15/12/2019 20:03

Would you rather he had just told you about every sex act he had ever done, even if it wasn’t what you were discussing?

Sandii · 15/12/2019 20:04

So glad my DH doesn’t know about all the “things” l’ve done ...talking about the past never helps ...but keep it in proportion . Maybe he could instruct you in the “thing” as he’s done it before 😆 seriously though ...you are in love , talking about sex and still having bedroom time so it all sounds pretty good to me .

Original poster
Pep89 · 15/12/2019 20:09

Maybe it's a bit like,

10 years ago Me: "OMG the pyramids are so cool, I would love to go see them one day"
Him: "OMG yeh me too so cool!!"

Repeat conversation a few times and then today

Me: "OMG the pyramids are so cool, I would love to go see them one day, shall we book a trip."
Him: "Yeh they're pretty cool I can tell you that from experience, I guess it would be cool to see them again"

I feel a bit thrown for a loop I guess

OP posts:
ferrier · 15/12/2019 20:09

If you wanted to do this thing why did you not mention it before? Why has it suddenly come up now? Presumably if it had come up before and you'd expressed an interest then he would have told you about it then?
If you don't want to do it, why are you doing it now and why does it matter what he did before?

HisBetterHalf · 15/12/2019 20:10

Why would he tell you what he used to do with previous partners? Would you want your previous partners telling what they did with you?

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 15/12/2019 20:10

What

Is this about sex?!

Xmas Shock