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AIBU?

To get upset at husband for his past

178 replies

Pep89 · 15/12/2019 19:41

I'm almost certain I am being unreasonable here but, even knowing that, I still feel upset and I'm not even sure why.

My husband and I were chatting after bedroom time and I said that I'd maybe want to try something in the near future and, even though we've talked about this certain thing before, this time he told me that he had done it with a previous girlfriend. We've been together for 10 years and I feel almost betrayed even though this happened before he even knew me. I don't know if I'm jealous or upset that he's only just told me. I just know that I'm upset about it and I don't know why?

OP posts:

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

711 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

90%

You are NOT being unreasonable

10%

Lifebee · 19/12/2019 23:13

When your sphinx(Ter) met his obelisk you'd have spent days walking like an Egyptian.

RainRainGoAwayComeAgain · 17/12/2019 19:13

8 pages to find out your bf did anal with his ex gf... 10 years ago.

It's not all that anyway, I really wouldn't bother.

Bluerussian · 17/12/2019 19:01

user1471449295 Tue 17-Dec-19 00:12:54
YABU.
I can’t think why a man would tell you he anal’d another girlfriend.
......
Because op said she would like to try it, so he said 'Done that, bin there, bought the T-shirt', or words to that effect. If he'd been keen on that sort of thing he would have suggested it himself. OP says they did try it once though and she didn't like.

GrannyBags · 17/12/2019 09:20

Woah @Bluerussian I hope you warmed up before that stretch! Anal = violence and degrading? Or two consenting adults doing something they both enjoy?

Suggestionsplease123 · 17/12/2019 02:14

I suspected the sex act would include a sphinx(ter)

Emeraldshamrock · 17/12/2019 00:17

@user1471449295 Really I told DP I tried it once, he didn't it was fine.
Mine you he had some wild experiences in his youth, again it is in the past.
Different time we were different people.
He is a good partner, father, most of the time. Not a dig I'd say the same about myself.

user1471449295 · 17/12/2019 00:12

YABU.
I can’t think why a man would tell you he anal’d another girlfriend.

Emeraldshamrock · 17/12/2019 00:06

@Pep89 Your thread was very entertaining while you slept.
Fairplay coming back to fill us in.
Not to laugh at your situation though the responses were cracker.

Rombocious · 16/12/2019 22:29

@Bluerussian

It was OP who wanted to do it. You post is disgustingly judgemental. Anal = violence??? FFS

Bluerussian · 16/12/2019 21:35

Oh goodness, how revolting. Be thankful that he tried it with a previous partner and obviously didn't rate it which is why it hasn't been suggested by him before (though you say you did try it once, people often try things once though). It hurts and it's horrible, degrading.

Find other things to do like tantric, no violence involved in that.

TryingToBeBold · 16/12/2019 16:32

@Zoflorabauble
Wise to use the front door.
Back door.. although not delayed by a week.. does require some preparation for the aftermath

TryingToBeBold · 16/12/2019 16:31

@DuchessofManchester
Why did I just Google space docking...and how do I clear my search history?

And in an alternate MN post.

I found space docking on my wife's search history. She's never been into anything like this, and we have never discussed things like that.
Is she having an affair.
Is it a midlife crisis. Please help.

Areyoufree · 16/12/2019 10:23

I’m sorry you’re getting a rubbing

I love auto-correct sometimes.

But his thread has changed the way I view the pyramids forever. Although I do love the "Del Monte Douche".

NotACleverName · 16/12/2019 10:17

YABU for posting this attention seeking bollocks and not clarifying earlier.

Sawwhet · 16/12/2019 10:13

Maybe it's "flogging" not flagging

Sawwhet · 16/12/2019 10:11

Sounds like my insecure jealous ex. What happened with others sexuallt before they met you is not really any of your business tbh.

Zoflorabauble · 16/12/2019 10:00

Oh ladies I’m afraid “flagging” isn’t anything majorly exciting, I also googled when my boyfriend told me about it.

It’s basically like when you hammer the tent posts into the ground, short sharp bangs. It’s a way of getting deep and is quite memorable. The trouble he has caused with his flagging off to name change

Fallofrain · 16/12/2019 09:25

As someone who has a more "diverse" history than my current partner....
Its a real fine line, when partner suggests something you obviously want to be enthusiastic and dont want to say "oh yeah i did that with ex" and put a dampner on it.

Lots of people here giving the idea that would be the ultimate sin (to discuss previous sex). Equally you then get thia situation where you feel lied to because he hasnt

If it helps im excited to try things again because well i want to try it with them,
being with them means a totally different experience possibly.

I would argue its even more of the case if last time before you he was 16. Doing that sort of thing in a secure relationshup with someone he loves as an adult where he feels comfortable, will be totally different to doing it as a nervous 16 year old racing around sexual milestones

Frothybothie · 16/12/2019 09:25

Pharoh's a jolly good fellow.

Pep89 · 16/12/2019 09:12

Love the continuing of the Egypt theme

OP posts:

eBooksAreBooks · 16/12/2019 09:06

Oh! You want him to take you up the Nile..

Pep89 · 16/12/2019 09:02

Wow I went to bed and didn't realise how much I had intrigued people, it was anal I was talking about and we did try it once about 5 years ago but it hurt so we stopped and I feel like if he was going to tell me at all, it should have been then and why has he brought it up now suddenly. Or he would have told me when we had that talk that you have about that kind of stuff at the beginning of a relationship. I guess I was a bit shocked that he sprung that on me and I feel less upset now I've slept. Also we met when we were 20 and I guess I was under the impression that most people at 16 are fairly vanilla but I guess not.

I'm in no way a prude and we are quite adventurous and I have no problem saying sex (although some of the other things being suggested are beyond me!), as I explained before I wasn't sure if the post would get blocked with certain words in it as I haven't been on Mumsnet for a long time.

Just to reiterate I wasn't upset or angry with him but I still felt upset about the revelation I guess. He still picked up I was upset so I tried to explain with the pyramid analogy and he said he kind of understood and left me to myself like I asked him to so I could sulk for a bit and like I say I feel a lot better this morning.

OP posts:

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FlyMayBe · 16/12/2019 08:48

I'm too scared to Google 'flagging'

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2019 08:48

I'm guessing anal too. It always anal, 🤣🤣🤣

You can even see how it would occur.

Darling, I think I'd like it up the bum next time, but you need to be careful. I think we need to read up on it.
Him, no need, I did it with Mavis once and know what I'm doing.

user1457178042 · 16/12/2019 08:42

Are you talking about a visit to Center Parcs?

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