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To get upset at husband for his past

178 replies

Pep89 · 15/12/2019 19:41

I'm almost certain I am being unreasonable here but, even knowing that, I still feel upset and I'm not even sure why.

My husband and I were chatting after bedroom time and I said that I'd maybe want to try something in the near future and, even though we've talked about this certain thing before, this time he told me that he had done it with a previous girlfriend. We've been together for 10 years and I feel almost betrayed even though this happened before he even knew me. I don't know if I'm jealous or upset that he's only just told me. I just know that I'm upset about it and I don't know why?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

hauntedvagina · 15/12/2019 21:57

@draughtycatflap probably with a steely eyed cardboard cutout of Paul Hollywood in the corner.

BrendasUmbrella · 15/12/2019 21:59

I get it. It's irrational but natural. (I mean your response.)

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 15/12/2019 22:00

This thing you dont name, is it something like...

moomin themed bedroom time

andyoldlabour · 15/12/2019 22:01

I am a bloke. Years before I met my DW, I had a girlfriend who one night suggested that we did "anal". I had never done it before, and found it quite disturbing when I realised that she found the pain aspect of it quite exciting. We never did it again, because I do not find inflicting pain on someone exciting, so we went our different ways.
End of.
Does my DW know? Yes she does, because I said it was quite a disturbing experience for me.

TheBucketResidence · 15/12/2019 22:02

Is it putting on a bit of Jane McDonald and opening the cargo doors?

Grin Grin Grin

YellWat · 15/12/2019 22:07

Goodness people are different. Couldn't disagree more with many of these posts.

I get it, OP. I would be absolutely shocked and upset if I found something like this out. There is a limit to what is shared but the headlines (pyramids, great wall, taj mahal) are certainly known. And I would be deeply annoyed if I suddenly found out he had been somewhere he had previously implied he hadn't.

I would say you can't ask people if YABU if they have vastly different sharing standards from you. Which clearly most of these replies seem to.

I wouldn't want any of their relationships, no doubt they wouldn't want mine, but I see them as BU and you as NBU.

Casander · 15/12/2019 22:08

is it sticking oranges up his arse?

Well that escalated quicklyGrin

MashedChristmasPud · 15/12/2019 22:11


Casander · 15/12/2019 22:12


Dear god, that will forever be etched into my brainEnvy absolutely not fucking envy

MrsRipper · 15/12/2019 22:12


is it sticking oranges up his arse?

I believe that is known as a Del Monte Douche

LizzieSiddal · 15/12/2019 22:13

Is bedroom time the same as Chico time?

MiddleClassProblem · 15/12/2019 22:14

is it sticking oranges up his arse?

Maybe it’s a nutribullet? Quite noisy though

snowybaubles · 15/12/2019 22:15

When I read your thread title I was expecting you had found out he was some sort of activist or did something you really didn't agree with in his younger years.

It's literally about a sex thing Confused


Either do it or don't, but don't make a meal out of it

Lifebee · 15/12/2019 22:20

don't make a meal out of the oranges anyway!

HotPenguin · 15/12/2019 22:23

Well I thought this was going to be about doing the Macchu Picchu trail, now I am feeling very ignorant for not knowing about flagging, space docking and squat cobbling, would someone enlighten me?

Besidesthepoint · 15/12/2019 22:25

My DH and I were well into our thirties when we fell in love. I have never asked him about his past sexual experiences, partly because it never crossed my mind, partly because I'm afraid he'd ask me the same question.

I think you shouldjust let it go OP. People have a past, and part of that should stay private.

kateandme · 15/12/2019 22:30

couples around the country: "now darling,me and dad ar just off to see the pyramids.sit quietly now"

GrandTheftWalrus · 15/12/2019 22:31

Only one of DP previous experiences annoys me because I'm jealous as I've always wanted to do it. However it doesn't give me mental pics or anything.

But if he mentioned oranges up the arse I'd say "no dear, try a satsuma first"

Prevegen4U · 15/12/2019 22:34

Only foolish people discuss with their spouse/partner what they have done in bed with other people.

Rombocious · 15/12/2019 22:43


Can you elaborate on that a bit?

Having trouble unstanding what's motivating the jealousy.

Was part of the expected thrill that you were both experiencing for the first time?

Zoflorabauble · 15/12/2019 22:43

Yeah ive been put off anal with new man anyway since he told me his ex couldn’t poo or walk for a week afterwards Grin

I will stick with the front door.

WhoTheFuckIsGail · 15/12/2019 22:50

I get it OP. DP has been adverturous in the past and is an open and honest person. I have had to point out that whilst I am up for trying stuff he suggests, I don't need the details of whether he's done it before because then I'm picturing it. As he isn't bothered about knowing he didn't see the issue before but he doesn't do it now. Maybe just explain to your DH that you'd rather not know

GrandTheftWalrus · 15/12/2019 22:50

@rombocious no not that, more he had the nerve to do it, whereas I'd be too worried about getting caught.

Hes a member of the mile high club.

Cheeseboardcriminal · 15/12/2019 22:59

I think YABU to be annoyed but he could have just kept it to himself. I don't want to think about what my Bad has done with others so I would rather not know.

Bunbunbunny · 15/12/2019 23:00

What on earth do you expect him to do about it now?!? He can't change the past unless it's something illegal you have to let it go

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