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To get upset at husband for his past

178 replies

Pep89 · 15/12/2019 19:41

I'm almost certain I am being unreasonable here but, even knowing that, I still feel upset and I'm not even sure why.

My husband and I were chatting after bedroom time and I said that I'd maybe want to try something in the near future and, even though we've talked about this certain thing before, this time he told me that he had done it with a previous girlfriend. We've been together for 10 years and I feel almost betrayed even though this happened before he even knew me. I don't know if I'm jealous or upset that he's only just told me. I just know that I'm upset about it and I don't know why?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

draughtycatflap · 15/12/2019 21:27

Is it putting on a bit of Jane McDonald and opening the cargo doors?

lowlandLucky · 15/12/2019 21:29

Itotally get it OP, admit to yourself it makes you feel sad,upset and jealous, wallow in self pity for 5 minutes then get on with wrapping Christmas presents Flowers

Spacebowlisback · 15/12/2019 21:29

If you call it “bedroom time” then you’re not ready for “the thing.”

lborgia · 15/12/2019 21:30

I think he handled it badly! Let's blame him shall we, I think that would make you feel betterGrin

I had a similar moment when we were younger, and in love with being in love... we were invited to a party in Paris (and to clarify, we lived in London). So charming! So fun! So perfect for a mini break.

Get there, have a wonderful time, walking past the Eiffel Tour I say we need to go right to the top because I couldn't afford that last time I was here.

It was night time, it was clear and crisp, it was quiet... my boyfriend says "oh, I've done it before, what's the point".

I may have married him, but I'll never forgive him raining on my ideaBiscuit

I do understand. Even if he'd already done it with someone else's pyramids, you don't need to hear that, right at that moment.

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2019 21:32

Op are you naturally quite prudish? Your phrasing bedroom time is quite odd, most people just say sex and I'm sure you know saying sex is allowed on here. In fact most sites that are not aimed at kids.

I have no idea what this thing you want to do is, but does it matter if he did it with someone else? He wasn't a virgin when he met you so I'm sure he's done lots of things.

Househunt1 · 15/12/2019 21:37

I get it he should have just told you ages ago that he had done it seeing as its been brought up a few times, why not just say he's done it before rather than say it 10 years later

hauntedvagina · 15/12/2019 21:37

Oh I'm sorry OP, you're getting a hard time here (just as you were during bedroom time, snarf).

But really, we need to know what the thing is to determine if YABU.

Grumpos · 15/12/2019 21:39

Nominations for classic thread already, these replies are hilarious.

Why not just say, oh you’ve never mentioned that you’ve actually done it before with an ex....why did you not say?
He probably just didn’t say because it felt awkward and maybe seemed a bit like OH I DID THAT WITH AN EX IT WAS AMAZING, which may have come across badly as well.

He wasn’t really in a win win position. Ask him why he didn’t tell you and tell him you feel a bit put out by not knowing when you’ve been discussing it for a decade!
Once you’ve talked about it you’ll no doubt feel better

Newbie1999 · 15/12/2019 21:40

So, is it anal?

BemidjiMinnesota · 15/12/2019 21:41

Is it a Hoboken Squat Cobbler? Full Moon Moon Pie? Boston Crème Splat? Simple Simon the Ass Man? Dutch Apple Ass? Got to be one of those or anal

YANBU but neither is he really. You've spent the last 10 years believing that he was as inexperienced at The Thing as you, now you feel like you've been misled all this time. However, as a previous poster said, maybe he panicked when you first talked about it, and it's only now that he felt like he could say the truth.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2019 21:41

But really, we need to know what the thing is to determine if YABU.

Of course we don’t. We need to know because we are all nosy.

Stegosaurus1990 · 15/12/2019 21:42

I understand OP. I prefer not to know about my DH’s sexual history and equally prefer not to share mine.

Zoflorabauble · 15/12/2019 21:42

Op I read on another thread today that someone “likes cock” which leaves very little error for misinterpretation.

On a site like MN which allows and some say even encourages the C word ( I’m a weirdo and can’t say or even type it! Though I do like twat ) the word sex is as taboo as the word Christmas.

My new boyfriend is much more experienced than me and I’m no prude and I’ve learnt quite a lot lately. I certainly didn’t know what “flagging was” until he messaged me saying that was happening to me later that night- what a charmer.

Just remember, he’s with you now. If these exes were so great you wouldn’t have met him. You can still do the thing. And enjoy it!

bluesteakandcheese · 15/12/2019 21:43

OP, everyone has a past! YABU, definitely.

Lunafortheloveogod · 15/12/2019 21:47

4 pages and we still don’t know what the secret of the “pyramid” is...

Really I’d be more put off if he came out with “hoi love shove this up my arse? Mary used to do it all the time”

Don’t need to know what him n Mary (as far as I know not a real ex’s name) did. But depending on how abstract it is maybe he’s trying to normalise it.. or make it clear he likes it. Again that depends on what’s happening to who.

MashedChristmasPud · 15/12/2019 21:47

is it sticking oranges up his arse?

MiddleClassProblem · 15/12/2019 21:48

I watched Pacific Rim the other night whilst eating hula hoops and now I feel tainted...

U2HasTheEdge · 15/12/2019 21:48

I know my husband had a past of course. I just don't want to know about his sexual past.

Feelings aren't ever unreasonable, but actions can be.

I would probably be a bit miffed that he went along with wanting to see the pyramids for the first time, and has only now told you he has actually been before.

It sounds like he has pretended he has never been before and has just told you that he has, when you have believed for many years that he hasn't? Is that right?

TatianaLarina · 15/12/2019 21:48

Anal is the new cancel the cheque.

Newbie1999 · 15/12/2019 21:49

Does it involve a hedgehog? If not then I give up

TheresWaldo · 15/12/2019 21:51

LOL at bedroom time - in our house that hopefully involves me staying awake for 10 mins with my Kindle and then a reasonable amount of time before the alarm goes off! Otherwise, my dh was in the merchant navy and has travelled the globe. I have no desire at all to know what he got up to before he met me. That way madness lies.

draughtycatflap · 15/12/2019 21:52

Does it involve dressing as Mary Berry and cartwheeling off the wardrobe with a Victoria Sponge?

Dumptyhumpty101 · 15/12/2019 21:52

@Pep89 I can understand why your dp never mentioned he’d done it before. Whilst I know my DH had sex with other women, I never want to think or know about what they did. So why tell you he’s done it before when it was just theoretical.

But if we were actually discussing trying something new together, something that might be pushing my boundaries, I’d definitely want to go into it knowing the full facts. Imagine how you’d have felt if he hadn’t told you and you thought it was new for you both and then found out otherwise afterwards. He probably just felt he had to fully disclose everything.

sugarplumtum · 15/12/2019 21:53

@NeverMindTheBuzzards GrinGrinGrinyour comment has made my night

Lifebee · 15/12/2019 21:54


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