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Disagree with husband about childbirth
654

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

areyouafraidofthedark · 11/12/2019 10:35

Oh ffs tell him to grow up, your body your decision. If he has such twaty views about birth what else does he have stupid views on. Do you really want a child with this man?

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Breathlessness · 11/12/2019 10:37

’He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby’

And you want to have children with him? Why?

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Socksey · 11/12/2019 10:37

Yell him when he give birth he can deliver in the manner he wishes....

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dazzlingdeborahrose · 11/12/2019 10:37

Not his decision. Just tell him you're having a water-birth. If he can't support your decision you need a different birth partner.

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MustardScreams · 11/12/2019 10:37

Errr well I wouldn’t be planning on having a baby with him first of all. He sounds like an arrogant sexist pig.

No uterus, no opinion.

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SemperIdem · 11/12/2019 10:37

He thinks using a surrogate is more natural than a water birth?

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QueenWhatevs · 11/12/2019 10:37

Its not too late to dump his pathetic misogynist arse and have a child with an actual decent human being.

Also, how you give birth is your decision alone. He doesn't get a say.

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KenDodd · 11/12/2019 10:38

I didn't even finish reading about what he was saying.

Your body, your decision, end of.

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UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 11/12/2019 10:38

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.

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soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:39

Oh I've told him if he really wants to challenge me on this I'll get him removed and he can "never forgive me" for that too.
He just has some old fashioned views (traditional Arab Muslim, whereas I am a very liberal Western Muslim) that I cannot get my head around.

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Sexnotgender · 11/12/2019 10:39

No vagina no opinion.

And I concur with posters saying I wouldn’t have a baby with such a buffoon.

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SolemnlySwear2010 · 11/12/2019 10:40

'He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby'

I dont think I have ever read a bigger pile of bullshit. Tell him that I had a 3rd/4th degree tear so in horrendous pain and ended up almost dying through blood loss. Was whisked away from my newborn and rushed into a 3 hour surgery session.

I missed my DD first bath, and my DH had to bottle feed her (that I again missed) because I was not allowed to breast feed due to medication required for my tear. So it actually made me miss out on a whole load of 'bonding' that I wanted to do but wasn't fit enough for any longer.

I still has issues now 5 years down the line!

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raspberryk · 11/12/2019 10:40

I wouldn't reproduce with this moron.

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PooWillyBumBum · 11/12/2019 10:40

Why are you marrying this tool? What gems will he come up with when the kid is older?

He has no say, you don’t need to persuade him, you don’t even have to have him there. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t even have him there during conception...

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ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 11/12/2019 10:40

Why the fuck would you want to have a baby with him?

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JasonPollack · 11/12/2019 10:40

Do not have children with this arrogant sexist pig, who does not listen to your opinion OR facts about your body! You would be insane to make yourself dependent on him.

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PooWillyBumBum · 11/12/2019 10:40

*married to not marrying

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Bluebutterfly90 · 11/12/2019 10:41

What the actual fuck.
Why does he even care?
I'm trying to imagine my DP having any kind of opinion about how I give birth and I'm just gobsmacked, not to mention the bit about pain increasing the bond - that's almost sadistic!
Yikes.
Put your entire foot down. It is not up for discussion. Your body, your rules.
Betting you could probably just get the midwives to turf him out if he was banging on about you needing to be in pain on a bed rather than in the water.
I'd reconsider having kids with this guy full stop, he sounds awful.

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pinkyredrose · 11/12/2019 10:41

Do you really want children with this man? What kind of father do you think he'll be?

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TheSandgroper · 11/12/2019 10:41

You know, he doesn’t actually have to be in the room. Every hospital ward has a waiting room for, umm, waiting for news. He can go there.

You can entertain yourself in quiet moments by imagining what every other bloke will say to him as they walk past.

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doritosdip · 11/12/2019 10:41

Not had a Cs but pretty sure there's lots of pain involved. What a twat!

If you told him what pain killers and anesthetics he could have would he accept that? Bet not !

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SquareAsABlock · 11/12/2019 10:41

Are you serious? Is this a serious question? Your husband is bloody awful, I'd sooner have my fanny stapled together than have a baby with him.

Oh, and I had a water birth, nothing abnormal about it in the slightest. I had more issues bonding with my second who was born on a bed with zero pain relief.

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7yo7yo · 11/12/2019 10:42

Don’t have kids with this twat.
This is just the start of a long slippery road.
Sounds like he’ll be a shit dad especially if you have a daughter.

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User1483098432 · 11/12/2019 10:42

Sorry but he sounds terrible. He does realise you're not just an incubator doesn't he? Surely whatever makes you happy and comfortable when you're the one who will be giving birth is paramount? When he gives birth he can do it on top of an mountain whilst playing a banjo if he wants to, but until that day comes I'd tell him to sod off.

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EKGEMS · 11/12/2019 10:42

Wow-so that's "his last word on the matter?" Your next words should be "Goodbye!"

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