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To think it’s not polite to keep on and on offering food and drink after someone’s said no thanks

285 replies

micepies · 08/12/2019 14:07

At the moment, I am honestly feeling like it’s a battle when I visit certain people. I spend so much time fending off offers of tea, coffee, hot chocolate, cake, sandwiches and biscuits.

It’s turning me anti social as I don’t want to visit.

AIBU and a grumpy sod or should people respect no thank you?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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CAG12 · 08/12/2019 14:13

Im with you on this. Its annoys me


Omashu · 08/12/2019 14:14

I can’t relate as I always accept an offer for at least a cup of tea/coffee 😂


Papergirl1968 · 08/12/2019 14:15

My DM does this - repeatedly asks family and visiting friends if they want another drink, biscuit etc - but she has dementia.


DramaAlpaca · 08/12/2019 14:16

I'd strongly advise you never to come to Ireland then Wink


micepies · 08/12/2019 14:16

Sorry to hear that but it that was trying to make me feel guilty it doesn’t. I’m obviously not talking about those situations

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RedSheep73 · 08/12/2019 14:17

Yesbit's annoying, but a lot of people (god knows why) play this game of saying no the first few times, just to be polite. So the hosts don't know whether your no is a genuine no, or a polite no, do they?


Pukkatea · 08/12/2019 14:17

I find it so bloody annoying. I have a relative who will stand there shaking the biscuits at you until you take one. It is SO rude.


micepies · 08/12/2019 14:17

It isn’t funny honestly drama

I won’t visit friends due to this

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NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/12/2019 14:18

Why dont you want any? If its because you've only popped in for an hour etc, yanbu.

If its because you are weird/controlling about food, YABU. Its odd to be at someones house for say, 3-4 hours but refuse even a glass of water. Especially if you are supposed to be there over a mealtime.

I have one friend who refuses any food even on long visits. Its because she has an eating disorder. She will come for a playdate and lunch with her child, but refuse all food, even though I tactfully offer very healthy options.


Honeybee85 · 08/12/2019 14:19

Can be a cultural issue.

Greek friend stopped offering me drinks and food after 1 ‘no, thanks’ from me because she knows I mean it and will say yes immediately if I do want it.
But in Greek culture you refuse a few times out of politeness and then say yes eventually. This is the case in many other cultures as well.

But YANBU. I dislike it as well. My DM is very good at it: ‘But I got this cookies esspecially for you since I knew you were visiting’!


micepies · 08/12/2019 14:19

I will accept a glass of water but I don’t need to keep eating and drinking. I came to see my friend, not eat.

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Guzzies · 08/12/2019 14:20

Twice is enough all round for politeness' sake, in Ireland or England. When me and DH had a housewarming I was keen to be welcoming to the older neighbours and I asked my next door neighbour if he'd like another beer 3 times. He brusquely said "no!" the third time and left. Always drew the line after 2 since then!


DramaAlpaca · 08/12/2019 14:21

Sorry micepies, I didn't mean to take the piss.

I do get what you mean, actually. My late MIL was always one for not taking no for an answer and I used to find it a bit annoying, but she was only being hospitable & genuinely couldn't understand why I really didn't want a biscuit or slice of cake with my cup of tea.


ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 08/12/2019 14:22

Ah, I see you’ve visited my MIL.

She’s a lovely woman, but the constant food and drink water do my head up n.


micepies · 08/12/2019 14:22

Sorry - really moody about it! I do actually want to see them but can’t be bothered with the inevitable pantomime

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Teateaandmoretea · 08/12/2019 14:24

Do you accept anything or do you have nothing the whole time you're there?


BlingLoving · 08/12/2019 14:24

To be honest, you sound a bit joyless. Ineuld always offer. If someone says no, I'd probably offer again half an hour later in basis they may have changed their mind. And at any point I a getting food/snacks/drinks for kids. And probably as I wander in and out the kitchen. It's not insisting, its trying to ensure my guest is not hungry or thirsty.


NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/12/2019 14:25

Micepies - how long a visit are you there for?

Many people think it is rude to eat in front of others. If you are constantly dieting etc and refuse to eat anything even if you are there for a while over a normal mealtime, thats quite odd, your host may be hungry but of course won't tuck in without offering to you.


TammyKat · 08/12/2019 14:26

It annoys me too


lunar1 · 08/12/2019 14:26

It really is rude, offering food/drink twice is the limit after that it's ridiculous and irritating.

It's as bad as people who think children need to be constantly eating. My children have three meals a day and free reign on the fruit bowl. Many of their friends parents supply a constant stream of food/snacks/drinks and seem the think their children will collapse if they go 30 minutes without eating.


micepies · 08/12/2019 14:26

That’s fine bling but it’s exhausting having to say no thank you twenty times plus in ten minutes

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EskewedBeef · 08/12/2019 14:27

Just take the KitKat and make them happy, or only visit at times when you're hungry enough to eat. Friends are worth a bit of bother.


BlingLoving · 08/12/2019 14:29

10 times in 10 minutes does sound excessive. But you said you dint like eating at all when at friends which is different? Are you v thin? Do your friends think you have an eating disorder?


NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/12/2019 14:31

Ive got to be honest OP, all the people i know who are annoyed by a polite offer of a biscuit, cup of tea or sandwich are extremely underweight women with issues around food, who constantly restrict their intake.

Most people find it polite to be offered refreshment. YANBU if people are badgering you relentlessly to accept something but understand that its completely normal for a host to offer.

I find it most effective to explain why i'm saying no, eg "Thank you but I've just eaten" or "thank you but ive got dinner waiting at home". If its something extremely decadent like a huge bit of cake i say things like "gosh how lovely but i just can't fit things like that in between meals!".


micepies · 08/12/2019 14:32

No beef, why should I!? Seriously?

I wish I was underweight Grin

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